Overcoming Fear in Having Confronting Conversations in the Workplace – More Than a Matter of Semantics. Presented by Lisaanne Markowitz November 19, 2003 – MTI Cruise

Aim of Presentation  To consider a different approach in finding value for and marketing MTI’s Workplace Mediations models.  To define the differences between confronting and confrontation.  To consider the impact that the different connotations of these two words can have on individuals when they find themselves facing difficult conversations.  To examine why people fear confronting conversations and their typical responses to them.  To review useful strategies to overcome fear in having confronting conversations in the workplace.

Agenda  Consider this – moments that require a confronting conversation.  You’re not alone.  Brainstorm the meaning of confrontation.  Brainstorm why we avoid might avoid confront.  Reasons we avoid confrontation.  Typical responses to confrontation.  Strategies for overcoming the fear in initiating confronting conversations in the workplace.

Moments that Require a Confronting Conversation  Consider a confrontation between you and another that did not go well. Past or present.  How willing were you to confront the situation?  How did you go about confronting the situation?  How did the other go about confronting the situation?  What were the outcomes of the situation?  In retrospect,how might you have handled the situation differently?

You’re Not Alone  Teaching Conflict Management, Negotiation, Mediation, Facilitation and Coaching.  Manager as Mediator and Self as Mediator  Time spent on what conflict is, how to recognize it and how to resolve it – but how much time do we spend considering why we resist resolving it in the first place.  Even with all my training and experience, I sometimes fear confronting others.  Do any of you ever share the same sense of dread?

A Call for Sensitivity and Understanding It is critical to our success as practioners in the field of conflict prevention and management:  To develop a keen sensitivity and understanding to the amount of stress and struggle experienced by many of our clients, training participants, colleagues in the workplace – any individual who is seeking our assistance - in having to initiate or participate in a face-to-face exchange that they anticipate will end in a confrontation.

Confrontation =  Brainstorm what words or phrases you associate with the word confrontation.  Put on flipchart.

Confrontation vs., Confronting – Not One in the Same - Is it Semantics?  A Confrontation is a hostile disagreement face-to-face between two or more individuals.  Confronting means to bring forth, to come face – to – face with another.  Perhaps we fear confronting conversations because we perceive them to be one and the same as a confrontation.  Perhaps we fear confronting conversations because we fear that we will engage in a confrontation with another and that the outcome will end badly.

Avoiding Confronting Conversations?  Brainstorm why we might avoid initiating a confronting conversation?  Put on flipchart.

Reasons we Avoid Confronting Conversations  We associate so many of our own negative emotions with it and have a fear that we will cause negative feelings in others.  Some have a need to be nice and not hurt feelings.  For some, confronting or being confronted in the past did not go well. - It was not well received or some have created fear in others in having a confrontation because of their addiction to criticism – to find fault, place blame – to say you are wrong instead of telling their “truth” with compassion and good intentions.  For many confronting feels like a verbal attack.  Consider your own responses in the opening exercise.  Some employees don’t think they have the right to initiate a confronting conversation - permission.  Some employees don’t think that they know how to handle a confronting conversation – capability/skill.

Typical Responses to Confrontation.  To become passive and withdraw.  Take the offensive and strike back.  Make excuses and defend behavior – maybe yours, maybe theirs.

The Alternative and Benefits of Confronting Conversations  In the workplace, what are some typical outcomes to situations where a confronting conversation should have happened, needed to happen but never happened?  What are some possible benefits in having a confronting conversation?

Moments that Require a Confronting Conversation  Consider a confrontation between you and another that did not go well. Past or present.  In retrospect, what could you have done to handle the situation differently? - Back to our first question.

Strategies to Overcome Fear in Having Confronting Conversations in the Workplace  Consider the following:  Your own comfort level in handling difficult conversations.  Your usual approach and style for having confronting conversations and the origin for that style – tend to avoid it, make excuses for yours or the others behavior or meet it head on as soon as a difficult moment arises.  How you like to be spoken to and/or our addressed when differences and difficulties arise in your personal and professional relationships.  How important others like to be spoken to and/or our addressed when differences and difficulties arise in their personal and professional relationships.

Strategies to Overcome Fear in Having Confronting Conversations in the Workplace  Consider the following:  The alternatives of not having the confronting conversation with those who you are interdependent with in the workplace.  In many ways ways initiating confronting conversations with others in the workplace is a mix between feeling capable to handle the confronting conversation and feeling as if you have permission to request another to participate in a confronting conversation with you.

Strategies to Overcome Fear in Having Confronting Conversations in the Workplace  It has been said that 80% of negotiation is preparation, the same can be said for having confronting conversations.  Tools to prepare – the MTI approach for managing workplace conflict.  A comprehensive and empowering approach that sets you up for successful outcomes – so that you feel both able to initiate and capable to handle the confronting conversation.

The MTI Approach to Handling Confronting Conversations

The MTI Approach to Handling Confronting Conversations – An Aim of this Presentation  To consider a different approach in finding value for and marketing MTI’s Workplace Mediations models.  In light of this presentation, did you and if yes - how so and/or in what ways did you find a new or different value for MTI’s Workplace Mediation models?  How might you use the concept of confronting conversations as a tool to market or explain the MTI approach to your potential clients or as part of a MAM and SAM training?  What were some key learning’s from this presentation?  How might you use these learning’s in the work you do with others?