Dealing With Your Own Grief The Chaplain in a World of Lament

Grief O “Grief comes when people miss one another, and many types of missing occur in care giving ministry.” O “Grief is sorrow over what might have been.” O The care giver’s ministry IS grief work. O We carry the pain of others (Romans 12:15) O We carry our own pain

Lament O “…to express grief for or about, to mourn (to lament a death) or regret deeply; to deplore (He lamented his thoughtless acts.); to grieve audibly, to wail, to express sorrow or regret” O Covenant relationship with God allows for lament

Psalm Lament O How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I bear pain in my soul, and have sorrow in my heart all day long? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me? Consider and answer me, O Lord my God! Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep the sleep of death, and my enemy will say, “I have prevailed;” my foes will rejoice because I am shaken. But I trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me.

Tasks of Grief O To accept the reality of the loss. O To experience the pain of grief. O To adjust to an environment in which the deceased is missing. O To withdraw emotional energy invested in the deceased and invest it in new relationships.

Accept the Reality of Loss O Name your grief O Don’t hide behind a professional mask O Find appropriate person(s) with whom to talk O Connect with your own pastor

Gregory the Great O “In restoring others to health by healing their wounds, he must not disregard his own health…. Let him not, while helping his neighbours, neglect himself, let him not, while lifting up others, fall himself. In many instances, indeed, the greatness of some men’s virtues has been an occasion of their perdition, in that they have felt inordinately secure in the assurance of their strength, and they died suddenly because of their negligence.

Feel the Pain of Loss O “The chaplain is a listener most of the time and a speaker some of the time.” O In our grief, we need to find a place to become the speaker! O In Gethsemane, Jesus asked the disciples for the ministry of presence: “Stay here” “Keep watch” O We may need to ask for presence!

Adjust to “New Normal” O Adjust to an environment in which the other person is no longer present.

Re-invest Emotional Energy O This may be the place where care givers struggle the most O Balance needed O 2 Samuel 18-19

Connect to the Source O “We need to know the way to the Source, how to get in touch with the Source, at least on a daily basis, but also how to step aside and dip in when we begin to realize we are close to drained.” O Hope O Theology of the Resurrection

Sabbath O Reflection O Remembrance O Rest O Sabbath allows us to step back from care giving long enough to truly allow God to minister to us. O Which then allows us to re-enter the world of ministering to others who grieve.