Kirk Wilkinson - Founder and President of The Happiness Factor

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Presentation transcript:

Kirk Wilkinson - Founder and President of The Happiness Factor

50% 10% 40% Genetics, Background & Programming Circumstances What you can control and change Source: The How of Happiness, Sonya Lyubormirski /

RealReal Ideal Gap Disappointment Negative thinking Emotional traps Negative meaning Blame Guilt Emotional pain Victimization Unmet expectations Self-Criticism & Self-Indictment Past experiences

What you do! Who you are! Your roles, your net worth, your mistakes, service to others, profession, accomplishments, awards, recognition, your weight, your looks, your body, etc.. /

RealReal Ideal Gap Drama, urgent issues, hurt feelings & being offended

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RealReal Ideal Gap Unmet expectations & perfectionistic tendencies

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Ask yourself: On a scale of 1 to 10 how much control do I have over this event, situation, people, outcome? What is it that I can actually control? On a scale of 1 to 10 how much influence do I have over the events, people, situation or outcome? What exactly can I influence? Control No Control Influence No Influence ACTIVE PASSIVE /

RealReal Ideal Gap Negative thinking, Self-Criticism & Self-Indictment

I’m so stupid What will they think of me? I just blew it! I’m ugly I say dumb things Idiot! I can’t do anything right Lazy! Fat! Slacker Loser No one likes me! Weak I can’t cook! Clown Dumb! Fake Failure! Bad! What if I make a Mistake? Who would want to love me? Klutz! Nerd Geek Blimp Idiot Dork Weak Coward Afraid Shy Silly Sick Idiot Bad Fat /

That’s not true! Because I am …..

/ RealReal Ideal Gap Negative experiences (present and past)

But you get to choose the reason! Choose a reason that is personal,significant and meaningful / Own the reason!

/

Re-tell the story you tell yourself with YOU as the hero! Same facts Same situation Different emotional outcome /

RealReal Ideal Gap

Give yourself more credit Learn to under-react Learn to let go of what you can’t control Don’t believe everything you think Learn a new inner-vocabulary Reframe your past Re-tell the stories you tell yourself

Kirk Wilkinson - Founder and President of The Happiness Factor