Intimacy: Breaking Down Walls of Defense  Main Points from Last Time  Questions answered

Ephesians 5: As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Principle Applied Oneness suggests something special found nowhere else in relationships except in marriage- possible through love and respect which creates safety… which provides a foundation for intimacy

I. What is Intimacy?

What is Intimacy? How Do We Become One? Oneness occurs as a process of growth over time… a process we can help develop… and hinder… true oneness does not occur suddenly because of one act

Pathway to Intimacy (True Oneness) Physical EmotionalSpiritual

II. Necessary Prerequisites of Intimacy

Necessary Prerequisites to Intimacy  “Two-ness”- Complementing not Completing  Being Adult  Taking Responsibility & Ownership of Yourself

A Complete Person...  Connects Emotionally  Is Vulnerable & Shares Feelings  Accepts Imperfections with Grace  Thinks for Oneself- Expresses Opinions  Takes Risks  Not Controlled by External/Internal Factors  Learns & Grows  Is Spiritual, Sexual, and Intellectual  Has Appropriate Sense of Power & Assertiveness  Can Say No

An Adult...  Takes Responsibility (for feelings, actions, choices, thoughts, values, love)  Requires Ownership- for self & other  Values Treasures- of self & other  Understands that “You are not me”  Sees the Other as a Person- Not Object  Allows the Other’s Experience  Allows the Other to be Different  Respects Freedom- of space

III. What are the necessary ingredients for oneness?

Key Ingredients to Intimacy  Commitment  Being transparent/open (James 5:16- “confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed”)  Truly “knowing” each other (thoughts, desires, dreams, shared experiences)  Emotional Closeness, Spiritual Closeness, Physical Closeness… in Balance (all takes place as a process over time)

IV. What Stops Intimacy?

Intimacy Blockers  Defenses

Defenses  Denial  Repression  Suppression  Dissociation  Conversion  Rationalization  Intellectualization  Projection  others

Intimacy Blockers  Defenses  Learned Behavior  Relationship Wounds Unhealed

V. How Can We Create Intimacy?

We give up certain individual rights and freedoms for the sake of intimacy

Creating Greater Intimacy  Learning from the therapy relationship  Learning from the process of therapy

The Process of Therapy

Intimacy Grows When:  We risk greater openness  We learn to be emotionally present  We develop a high degree of caring  We have a climate of trust built on fidelity and continuity  We Feel Safe!

Safety is the Core Principle in Creating Intimacy

Ephesians 5: As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Practical Application Look at yourself- are you an “adult”? Are you a “complete” person? Discuss with your spouse how you can create safety in your marriage