Chapter 8: Gendered Close Relationships Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 1 Chapter Eight: Gendered Close Relationships gendered lives

“The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.” ~ Flora Whittenmore Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth

Chapter 8: Gendered Close Relationships Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 3 The Meaning of Personal Relationships Personal Relationships are Ones in Which Partners…  Depend on Each Other for Affection to Material Assistance  Are Interdependent Microsoft Image

Chapter 8: Gendered Close Relationships Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 4 The Meaning of Personal Relationships Personal Relationships are Ones in Which Partners…  Expect Affection, Companionship, Energy, and Assistance  Regard Each Other as Unique Microsoft Image

Chapter 8: Gendered Close Relationships Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 5 Gendered Patterns in Personal Relationships Male Deficit Model  Men Less Skilled in Developing and Sustaining Personal Relationships  Emotional Talk Hallmark of Intimacy  Men Less Intimate than Women

Chapter 8: Gendered Close Relationships Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 6 Gendered Patterns in Personal Relationships Alternative Paths Model  Agrees That Socialization Root of M/F Differences in Styles of Relating  However, it Does not Presume that Men Lack Feelings or Emotional Depth  Men Do Express Closeness in Ways they Understand and Value

Chapter 8: Gendered Close Relationships Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 7 Gendered Styles of Friendship Similarities in Women’s and Men’s Friendships  Both Value Close Friends  Both Engage in Instrumental and Expressive Expressions of Closeness  Vary in Degree of Use

Chapter 8: Gendered Close Relationships Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 8 Gendered Styles of Friendship Differences in Women’s and Men’s Friendships  Women  Face-to-Face  Directly and Verbally  Men  Side-by-Side  Engage in Activities Microsoft Image

Chapter 8: Gendered Close Relationships Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 9 Women’s Friendships: Closeness in Dialogue Share Personal Feelings Want to Know Each other In Depth Communication Open and Expressive Empathize and Feel Emotionally Connected Explicit Talk about Relationship

Chapter 8: Gendered Close Relationships Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 10 Women’s Friendships: Closeness in Dialogue Difficulty in Dealing with Envy and Competition Difficulty Overriding Socialization to Be Constantly Available and Caring

Chapter 8: Gendered Close Relationships Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 11 Men’s Friendships: Closeness in the Doing Activities Center of Friendships Instrumental Focus Covert Intimacy Often Limited in Scope Microsoft Image

Chapter 8: Gendered Close Relationships Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 12 Friendship Between Women and Men Often View Other in Sexual Terms Sex-Segregation Socialization Men Receive Greater Emotional Support Women Receive Less Intense Companionship Men Talk More, Demand More Attention and Support than They Offer

Chapter 8: Gendered Close Relationships Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 13 Gendered Romantic Relationships Feminine Women and Masculine Men are Desirable Men Should Initiate, Plan, and Direct Activities Women Should Facilitate Conversation, Generally Defer to Men, but Control Sexual Behavior. Men Should Excel in Status and Earning Money, Women Should Assume Primary Responsibility for Relationship, Home, and Children.

Chapter 8: Gendered Close Relationships Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 14 Developing Romantic Intimacy Men Take the Initiative Men Fall in Love Faster and Harder Men See Love as Taking Trips to Romantic Places, Spontaneous Love Making Women Think of Extended Conversations, Sharing Deep Feelings, Physical Contact Gay Couples Likely to Have Best-Friend Relationships with Sex The Internet: Sex, Gender, and Relationships The Internet: Sex, Gender, and Relationships

Chapter 8: Gendered Close Relationships Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 15 Engaging in Committed Relationships Four Primary Dimensions of Love Relationships:  Modes of Expressing Affection  Gendered Preferences for Autonomy and Connection  Gendered Responsibility for Relational Health  Gendered Power Dynamics Microsoft Image

Chapter 8: Gendered Close Relationships Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 16 Modes of Expressing Affection Conversations about Feelings and Daily Activities is Primary for Women Women and Men often have Different Views of Intimacy  Women Express Intimacy with Self- Disclosure and Emotional Support.  Men Express Intimacy by Doing Things for Romantic Partner

Chapter 8: Gendered Close Relationships Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 17 Autonomy Connection Masculine individuals typically want greater autonomy Feminine individuals generally want greater connection Differences in desire for autonomy and connection can lead to problems

Chapter 8: Gendered Close Relationships Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 18 Responsibility for Relational Health Women Viewed as Relationship Experts and Assume the Primary Burden Expectations for Responsibilities Can Lead to Problems.  Greater Satisfaction When Shared Lesbian Partners Tend to Be Most Equal

Chapter 8: Gendered Close Relationships Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 19 Gendered Power Dynamics Masculine Socialization Creates Expectations of Male Dominance Division of Labor Reflects Gendered Power Dynamics  Labor Divided Unequally in the Home  “Second Shift” Duties Typically Woman’s Responsibilities  Psychological Responsibility Increases Burdens of Second Shift Duties  Consequences of Second Shift Include Stress, Fatigue, Illness, and Resentment

Chapter 8: Gendered Close Relationships Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 20 Couples’ Patterns of Influence Husbands’ Preferences and Desires Count More In Conflict, Masculine Individuals More Typically Leave or Deny Problem In Conflict, Feminine Individuals Initiate Discussion or Become Loyal to Partner

Chapter 8: Gendered Close Relationships Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 21 Patterns of Violence and Abuse Violence Typically Inflicted by Masculine Individuals Greater Incidence of Violence in Cultures with Male Dominance A Feminine Orientation May Create Situations where Violence is Tolerated to Keep Relationships and Families Intact

Chapter 8: Gendered Close Relationships Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 22 gendered lives