Sexual Responsibility During Dating! If love is like a jig saw puzzle, falling in love is finding the corner pieces.

Competencies / Objectives The Students will: Describe and discuss responsible sexual behavior. Describe the long-term benefits of abstinence and fidelity.

Sex is Like Dynamite What you use it for makes all the difference in the world. Read quote and discuss.

“Why Do Teenagers Have Sex?” Many classes have listed over 15 reasons they think teenagers have sex. How many can you name? Which reasons are poor to have sex when you are a teenager?

All the students in this classroom do not have the same sexual values and experiences. There are those of you who have not had sex and have chose not to, or avoiding it. Those who haven’t had sex but have not made a clear decision about it.

Those of you who haven’t had sex, but are close, slipping or tempted. Those of you who are having sex and don’t see any problem with it. Those of you who have had sex and feel guilty and afraid.

There may be some who did it once and never again There’s the phony virgin who teases, leads on , does everything but….. And there is the guy who uses girls to build up his own ego, then brags about “scoring”

Sexual activity at your age is a big gamble, and once you get involved in it you have a lot more to lose than you do to gain.

This lesson is mainly for those who haven't crossed the line, and for those who might wonder if they have made a mistake and would like to quit before they compound their losses.

DEFINITIONS: Making Out: Heavy kissing and close physical contact. Petting: Exploring each other's bodies up to but not including intercourse. Intercourse: The penetration of the penis into the vagina.

In the “Funnel of Commitment”, most of us want to belong to someone and have someone belong to us. If not now, then in the future. The excitement and thrill of the relationship moves us further and further into the funnel.

SLIPPING THROUGH THE FUNNEL OF SEXUAL INTIMACY In the funnel of intimacy, the body has many signals that urge us to go on from step to step. Only the brain signals "let's stop". Nerves in the mouth and tongue during a simple kiss, get us thinking about more intimacy. Normal embracing during kissing touches nerves that get us thinking about exploring other parts of the body. Each step urges you on to the next step.

The urging is at different rates The urging is at different rates. These are some generalities that may or may not be true for you, but they show a pattern in males and females.

SLIPPING THROUGH THE FUNNEL OF SEXUAL INTIMACY 1. Guys are generally aroused more quickly than girls. females males

SLIPPING THROUGH THE FUNNEL OF SEXUAL INTIMACY 2. Girls send out mixed signals to guys. 3. Guys get outspoken pressure from friends and society that it is expected that they make sexual passes.

SLIPPING THROUGH THE FUNNEL OF SEXUAL INTIMACY 4. Both guys and girls will move down the funnel until they reach a "point where control is lost” 5. It takes two to keep in control of the situation. It is the situation that allow control of sexual stimulation.

COMPARE THE TWO FUNNELS: 1. The speed down each funnel varies; it can take years, or it can happen in one night. 2. Girls are usually more interested in pushing down the commitment funnel, guys control how far and how fast (guys ask, girls accept). 3. Guys are usually more interested in pushing down the sexual intimacy funnel. Girls control how far and how fast (she decides how far to let him go).

COMPARE THE TWO FUNNELS: 4. Girls and guys will use one funnel to bargain for the other. Girls give sex to get love and Guys give love to get sex!! How might that backfire for girls? (She gives in sexually to get him to love her, just to discover that this kind of love only lasts until she gets her clothes back on, leaving her feeling used and degraded.) How might that backfire for guys? (He makes promises just to get her into bed with him, but they get pregnant and he gets trapped into promises he never meant to keep.)

COMPARE THE TWO FUNNELS: 5. The earlier in age one enters the funnel, the longer one is faced with the problem of fighting gravity down the funnel 6. The more you date one person, the slipperier the funnel becomes 7. It is easier to break off a relationship than it is to back up the funnel.

COMPARE THE TWO FUNNELS: 8. Once you have gone down the funnel, future funnels are more slippery. 9. Going down the intimacy funnel gives girls a different reputation than guys ("slut" versus "stud").

THE NATURAL BALANCE For any relationship to grow, there needs to be a balance between intimacy and commitment. If this balance gets too far out of line, then it will jeopardize the relationship. INTIMACY COMMITMENT Hold hands Date Kiss Go Steady Making Out Engagement Petting Marriage Full Intimacy Marriage

Factors that influence Girls and Guys to have Sex. 1. Going Steady 2. Early age dating 3. Friends sexually active. 4. Alcohol/Drugs 5. Lack of religious involvement 6. Feeling towards school 7. Dating older guys and girls 8. Feeling unloved 9. Media 10.Pressure from partner 11. Parents and Family

Continued… 11. Parents and Family very permissive or strict lack of family values divorced or single Parent family opportunity present

The Quote The chief cause of failure and unhappiness is. . . . . trading what you want most for what you want at the moment.

Sexual Responsibility Includes: Considering the consequences Not hurting your family Respecting your partner, your self, and the relationship.

Summary The subject of sexual behavior is a personal one, one that can affect many other lives. You must take the responsibility for your sexual behavior decisions.

MAKE A DECISION: 1. Identify the problem: Should I have sex at this point in my life? 2. List the choices: What are your choices? (No, Yes with someone I love, etc.) 3. List the pros and cons of each option, being sure to include the consequences

Continue 4. Make a choice. 5. Make a plan. You cannot choose not to choose; if you do not make up your mind, it will most likely be “yes” by default. No one else can make this decision for you. 5. Make a plan. Avoid situations that make the funnel more slippery. 6. Take responsibility for the results of your decision. If you’ve decided not to have sex, take credit for saving something important for an important person at an important time. If you’ve decided to be sexually active, take responsibility for preventing pregnancy and avoiding STD’s

Refusal Skills How do you say no? The best refusal is a statement that leaves no question as to what is expected.

How to Say NO Act surprised. Just say no. You've got to be kidding!" Express your feelings for them. "Sorry, but I like you too much to do that." Suggest a different plan. "Let's go to my house and make a pizza." Return the challenge. "If you really liked me you'd never ask me to do that."  Leave. "Go home."  Just say no. "I'd rather not." Ignore the comment. Appear not to hear, or act too busy. Make an excuse. "I'm tired." Change the subject. "Isn't it time for dinner." Turn the idea into a joke. "How could you suggest such a thing when you know I'm on a diet."