1 Attraction & Intimacy Who do you love? Who do you love? What is love? What is love? Why do fools fall in love? Why do fools fall in love? Will you love me forever? Will you love me forever? Let me sleep on it, I’ll give you an answer in the morning (Meatloaf, 1978). Let me sleep on it, I’ll give you an answer in the morning (Meatloaf, 1978).

2 What factors predict liking? Proximity – geographical nearness Proximity – geographical nearness mere exposure mere exposure anticipation of interaction anticipation of interaction Attractiveness – “what is beautiful is good” Attractiveness – “what is beautiful is good” Similarity – attitudes, personality. Similarity – attitudes, personality. Reinforcement – liking for a person will result under conditions in which a person experiences positive or negative reinforcement in the presence of that person. Reinforcement – liking for a person will result under conditions in which a person experiences positive or negative reinforcement in the presence of that person.

3 What is love? Types of love: Types of love: I. Passionate vs. Companionate love I. Passionate vs. Companionate love Companionate love is the strong affection we have for those with whom our lives are deeply involved. Companionate love is the strong affection we have for those with whom our lives are deeply involved. Passionate love is a state of intense absorption in someone. It involves arousal and intense desire and often has a swift onset. Passionate love is a state of intense absorption in someone. It involves arousal and intense desire and often has a swift onset. The Bridge Study The Bridge Study

4 Types of Love II. Sternberg’s Triangle Model II. Sternberg’s Triangle Model 3 ingredients of consummate love: 3 ingredients of consummate love: Intimacy- feelings of closeness, affection, and connectedness Intimacy- feelings of closeness, affection, and connectedness Passion- motivational drives relating to sex, physical closeness and romance Passion- motivational drives relating to sex, physical closeness and romance Decision/commitment- initial thought of love and long- term determination to maintain that love Decision/commitment- initial thought of love and long- term determination to maintain that love

5 Consummate Love (Intimacy + Passion + commitment Intimacy (Liking) Companionate Love (Intimacy + commitment) Decision/Commitment (Empty love) Fatuous Love (Passion + commitment) Passion (Infatuation) Romantic Love (Intimacy + passion)

6 Individual Differences in Relationship Style Gender Gender Women rate financial independence/career as more important in a mate than men; men rate physical attractiveness as more important than women. Women rate financial independence/career as more important in a mate than men; men rate physical attractiveness as more important than women. Women tend to prefer older men; men tend to prefer younger women. Women tend to prefer older men; men tend to prefer younger women. Women report more emotional jealousy; men report more sexual jealousy (Buss). Women report more emotional jealousy; men report more sexual jealousy (Buss).

7 Individual Differences in Relationship Style Attachment Theory—children learn relationship behaviors that are modeled by parents. Attachment Theory—children learn relationship behaviors that are modeled by parents. Secure attachment-child learns to nurture intimacy, feels secure in relationships with others. Secure attachment-child learns to nurture intimacy, feels secure in relationships with others. Avoidant attachment-child learns to starve intimacy by being emotionally distant, avoids commitment and closeness in relationships with others. Avoidant attachment-child learns to starve intimacy by being emotionally distant, avoids commitment and closeness in relationships with others. Anxious/ambivalent attachment-child learns to smother intimacy by being possessive, jealous, and emotionally demanding. Anxious/ambivalent attachment-child learns to smother intimacy by being possessive, jealous, and emotionally demanding.

8 Individual Differences in Relationship Style Self-Esteem Self-Esteem In the face of a relationship threat, LSE’s distance themselves from their partner; HSE’s increase closeness. (Murray & Holmes). In the face of a relationship threat, LSE’s distance themselves from their partner; HSE’s increase closeness. (Murray & Holmes). SE is negatively correlated with relationship social comparisons. (Smith-LeBeau & Buckingham). SE is negatively correlated with relationship social comparisons. (Smith-LeBeau & Buckingham).

9 Will you love me forever? I. Equity Theory- I. Equity Theory- Your benefits = Your Partner’s Benefits Your contributions Your Partner’s Contributions

10 Will you love me forever? II. Investment model- II. Investment model- Satisfaction + Investment +  Commitment  Relationship CLalt - Stability Satisfaction is based on costs and rewards. Satisfaction is based on costs and rewards. CLalt is the comparison level for alternative relationships. CLalt is the comparison level for alternative relationships.