Attraction & Intimacy Liking & Loving Others

I. We need to belong or connect with others in enduring, close relationships. I. We need to belong or connect with others in enduring, close relationships. Why??? **Promotes survival (more hands to help build shelter) **Promotes survival (more hands to help build shelter) **Positive love relationships promote happiness & well-being as well as increase chances offspring will thrive. **Positive love relationships promote happiness & well-being as well as increase chances offspring will thrive. **Jilted, widowed, & divorced people more likely to experience depression than those in happy relationships. **Jilted, widowed, & divorced people more likely to experience depression than those in happy relationships.

What’s is like to be ostracized? Horrible & harmful!!! Horrible & harmful!!! Those ostracized –more likely to have depression, anxiety, & difficulty restoring relationships. Those ostracized –more likely to have depression, anxiety, & difficulty restoring relationships. Being ignored by one’s in-group or society is neglect—a form of emotional abuse. Being ignored by one’s in-group or society is neglect—a form of emotional abuse.

II. Friendships What factors nurture liking & loving? What factors nurture liking & loving? 1. Proximity 1. Proximity 2. Physical attractiveness 2. Physical attractiveness 3. Similarity Versus Complementarity 3. Similarity Versus Complementarity 4. Liking those who Like us 4. Liking those who Like us

A. Proximity: Being in close proximity often breeds liking. Being in close proximity often breeds liking. People tend to marry someone who lives close to them (same neighborhood; job) People tend to marry someone who lives close to them (same neighborhood; job) Why does proximity breed liking??? Why does proximity breed liking???

1. Interaction: Those with whom our paths cross (work, school, gym, military) are more likely to become our friends. Those with whom our paths cross (work, school, gym, military) are more likely to become our friends. Interaction enables us to explore our similarities to see if there’s mutual liking. Interaction enables us to explore our similarities to see if there’s mutual liking.

Availability Availability It’s harder to get to know people who don’t live nearby, work in the same field, or go to a different school. It’s harder to get to know people who don’t live nearby, work in the same field, or go to a different school. Physical availability makes getting to know others easier. Physical availability makes getting to know others easier.

Why does proximity encourage affection rather than animosity? --Adaptability-it’s adaptive to get along with those nearby. --Adaptability-it’s adaptive to get along with those nearby. --Common ground—We can discover each others similarities easier when they are close by. --Common ground—We can discover each others similarities easier when they are close by. --Merely anticipating interaction-boosts liking --Merely anticipating interaction-boosts liking

2. Mere-exposure- to stimuli boosts our preferences for them. Zajonc (1968, 1970) flashed images of Chinese figures to Ss for brief time periods on session 1. Zajonc (1968, 1970) flashed images of Chinese figures to Ss for brief time periods on session 1. During session 2, Ss were flashed with the same images as well as new ones for longer time periods. They had to rate their preference for each image. During session 2, Ss were flashed with the same images as well as new ones for longer time periods. They had to rate their preference for each image. Ss preferred images they had previously been exposed to. Ss preferred images they had previously been exposed to. Thus, mere exposure leads to liking even when people are unaware they have been exposed. Thus, mere exposure leads to liking even when people are unaware they have been exposed.

B. Physical Attractiveness 1. Attractiveness and dating Attractiveness and dating -- A woman’s attractiveness is a good predictor of her dating/relationship frequency, A woman’s attractiveness is a good predictor of her dating/relationship frequency, This is less true for men. This is less true for men.

Do men care more about the attractiveness of the female than vice versa??? Hatfield Study (1966)- matched 752 University of Minnesota 1 st year students for a “welcome week” dance. Students were given personality & aptitude tests, but were actually matched randomly with another student. Students were given personality & aptitude tests, but were actually matched randomly with another student. During dance, couples were paired together to talk & dance for over 2 hours. During dance, couples were paired together to talk & dance for over 2 hours. Males were more likely to “like” the female if he thought she was attractive. Males were more likely to “like” the female if he thought she was attractive.

2. The Matching phenomenon (likes attract likes) People tend to be attracted to those who are similar in physical attractiveness & intellectual status. People tend to be attracted to those who are similar in physical attractiveness & intellectual status. If one partner is lacking in “attractiveness” they usually have other qualities that compensate (wealth, status, power). If one partner is lacking in “attractiveness” they usually have other qualities that compensate (wealth, status, power). Younger women & older men (Donald Trump Younger women & older men (Donald Trump & Marla Maples, Michael Douglas & Kathryn & Marla Maples, Michael Douglas & Kathryn Zeta-Jones). Zeta-Jones).

3. Attractiveness stereotype We are hard-wired to like attractive people. We are hard-wired to like attractive people. Both children & adults will stare longer at people with attractive than unattractive faces. Both children & adults will stare longer at people with attractive than unattractive faces. We tend to rate attractive people as more: We tend to rate attractive people as more: intelligent intelligent Successful Successful Happy Happy Seuxally responsive Seuxally responsive friendly friendly

Who determines attractiveness? What is most average is beautiful (Langlois & Roggman, 1994) found the most average face is considered the most beautiful. What is most average is beautiful (Langlois & Roggman, 1994) found the most average face is considered the most beautiful. These researchers digitized 32 faces of college students & used a computer to average them. These researchers digitized 32 faces of college students & used a computer to average them. Ss judged the “averaged” faces as more appealing than 96 % of individual faces. Ss judged the “averaged” faces as more appealing than 96 % of individual faces.

Why should average-ness & symmetry determine what’s attractive? May signal health & fertility. May signal health & fertility.

C. Similarity vs. complementarity The more similar people are (beliefs, values,etc.) the more likely they are to have relationships with one another. The more similar people are (beliefs, values,etc.) the more likely they are to have relationships with one another. We are less likely to like others who share very different values than ourselves. We are less likely to like others who share very different values than ourselves.

D. Liking those who like us We tend to like those who like us (cool, the mutual admiration society!!!!) We tend to like those who like us (cool, the mutual admiration society!!!!) We have to believe this is sincere, & not self- serving on the other person’s part. We have to believe this is sincere, & not self- serving on the other person’s part.

III. Love How do we define it? How do we define it? Two types: Two types: --Passionate --Passionate --Companionate --Companionate

A. Passionate Love: Is emotional, exciting, & intense (rollercoaster ride of joy & despair). Is emotional, exciting, & intense (rollercoaster ride of joy & despair). Theory of passionate love Theory of passionate love Passionate love is the psychological experience of being biologically aroused by someone we find attractive. Passionate love is the psychological experience of being biologically aroused by someone we find attractive. Schater & Singer’s theory of emotion Schater & Singer’s theory of emotion

Dutton & Aron Bridge (1974) study: A young attractive female approached individual male Ss as after they had crossed a wobbly suspension high above a rocky river. A young attractive female approached individual male Ss as after they had crossed a wobbly suspension high above a rocky river. The female asked each male to fill out a questionnaire. The female asked each male to fill out a questionnaire. When the S finished, the female gave him a piece of paper with her phone # & invited him to call her. When the S finished, the female gave him a piece of paper with her phone # & invited him to call her. In contrast to a control group (a solid bridge not far above water), the males in the experimental group were more likely to call the female. In contrast to a control group (a solid bridge not far above water), the males in the experimental group were more likely to call the female.

Do males & females differ in how they experience passionate love? Yes!!! Yes!!! Men fall more readily in love than women do. Men fall more readily in love than women do. Men fall out of love more slowly & are less likely than women to break-up a premarital romance. Men fall out of love more slowly & are less likely than women to break-up a premarital romance. Women focus on emotional content of relationship, men focus more on physical aspects of relationship (Hendrick and Hendrick, 1995). Women focus on emotional content of relationship, men focus more on physical aspects of relationship (Hendrick and Hendrick, 1995).

B. Companionate love The highs & lows of passionate love wane with time. (The Honeymoon is over!!!!!) The highs & lows of passionate love wane with time. (The Honeymoon is over!!!!!) After 2 years of marriage, spouses express affection about half as often as when they were newlyweds. After 2 years of marriage, spouses express affection about half as often as when they were newlyweds. Companionate love is less intense, but long lasting & satisfying. Companionate love is less intense, but long lasting & satisfying.

IV. Ending Relationships: The Party’s Over U.S.- 50% divorce rate

Who is more likely to divorce? Those in individualistic cultures Those in individualistic cultures Those marrying for love Those marrying for love Getting married before age 20 Getting married before age 20 Both grew up in unstable homes Both grew up in unstable homes Lack of stable income Lack of stable income Dated a short time before marrying Dated a short time before marrying Are not similarly educated Are not similarly educated Live in a big city Live in a big city Were pregnant before marriage Were pregnant before marriage