Development of Friendship

What is a friend? How do we form and maintain a friendship?

What is Special about Peer Relationships? Relationships of relative equality Source of companionship and emotional support

Intimacy The ability to share experiences with others, to establish and maintain a sense of closeness with other people

Autonomy The ability to understand, coordinate, and negotiate one’s own needs and interests with the needs and interests of another person

Social Perspective Taking Understanding of how people’s points of view are coordinated with one another Robert Selman

DEVELOPMENT OF FRIENDSHIP

Level 1 Friendship (3-6 yrs) Social Perspective Taking difficulty understanding that others have perspectives different from one’s own

Level 1 Friendship (3-6 yrs) Intimacy Function being in the same place at the same time sharing through unreflective sensorimotor imitation or “contagion”

Level 1 Friendship (3-6 yrs) Autonomy Function unreflective physical strategies

Level 1 Friendship (3-6 yrs) Concepts of Friendship physical or geographical associations temporary bonds desires of the self

Level 2 Friendship (5-9 yrs) Social Perspective Taking difficulty taking two perspectives into account simultaneously

Level 2 Friendship (5-9 yrs) Intimacy Function sharing through expressive enthusiasm, without concern for reciprocity

Level 2 Friendship (5-9 yrs) Autonomy Function one-way commands unchallenging accommodation

Level 2 Friendship (5-9 yrs) Concepts of Friendship a friend is someone who helps me lacks mutuality, lacks reciprocity

Level 3 Friendship (7-12 yrs) Social Perspective Taking understands that reciprocal subjective evaluations take place

Level 3 Friendship (7-12 yrs) Intimacy Function shared experience through joint reflection on similar experiences

Level 3 Friendship (7-12 yrs) Autonomy Function negotiation through cooperative or reciprocal strategies designed to protect the subjective interests of the self

Level 3 Friendship (7-12 yrs) Concepts of Friendship trust, cooperation reciprocal interest no sense of an enduring relationship

Level 4 Friendship (10-15+) Social Perspective Taking can assume a third party perspective

Level 4 Friendship (10-15+) Intimacy Function shared experience through collaborative empathic reflective processes

Level 4 Friendship (10-15+) Autonomy Function negotiation through collaborative strategies oriented towards integrating the interests of the self and the interests of the other person

Level 4 Friendship (10-15+) Concepts of Friendship mutual understanding mutual concern possessiveness

non-subjective relationships relationship based on a positive feeling relationship based on reciprocity and trust relationship based on mutual awareness and understanding

Friendship Formation Establishing common-ground activity GOTTMAN Establishing common-ground activity Greater communication clarity More successful at exchanging information More skillful at conflict resolution More self-disclosure

Friendships of Very Young Children Young children aren’t able to articulate their ideas about friendship Depth of intimacy & strategies for negotiating conflict improve with age Nonetheless, even toddlers interact differently with friends than with non-friends

Friendships of Very Young Children spend more time with friends attempt reconciliation more often with friends quarrel more with friends are more forgiving of friends Friends act as a support in times of change

Friendships of Very Young Children Loss of friends is associated with: decline in social play distress and anxiety Early friendships can be stable more than 50% of preschoolers have reciprocal friendships more than 60% of these friendships are stable over 6 months

Sociometric Techniques Nominations Rating scales Paired comparisons

Popularity and Sociometrics

Rejected-Aggressive Children Tend to misinterpret innocent behaviors of others as hostile Poor social problem solvers Show severe behavioral problems

Does being Aggressive mean being Rejected? Many aggressive children tend to form their own friendship networks Many aggressive children have “best friends” Networks and friendships are composed of other aggressive children

Rejected-Withdrawn Children Shy, passive, socially awkward. Have negative expectations of how others will treat them. At risk of being victimized by bullies.

Rejected children (aggressive and withdrawn) have more difficulty than other children finding constructive solutions to difficult social situations. Rejected children suggest fewer and more hostile strategies than do their more popular peers.

Neglected Children Socially uninvolved children Are they at risk? usually well-adapted not particularly unhappy or lonely not aggressive or hostile enjoy solitary activities

Is there a connection between being neglected and rejected? It may be that neglected children are children who were rejected rejection withdrawal It may be that neglected children will end up being rejected withdrawal rejection

Controversial Children hostile and disruptive BUT ALSO engage in pro-social behaviors appear happy and well-adjusted

Popular Children Friendly, helpful, considerate How do they get to be popular? Make attempts at entering group Initially go along Don’t ask too many questions Don’t try to change group’s agenda

Stability of Sociometric Status In the short term, popular & rejected are more stable than neglected or controversial In the long term, sociometric status is relatively unstable except for rejected children

Close Friendship Reciprocity Quality

Popularity Based on how many peers nominate a child as someone with whom they like to play or work. There is only a partial overlap between popularity and friendship.

POPULARITY: involves gaining acceptance among peers FRIENDSHIP: involves forming a stable & intimate relationship with a peer

Parker & Asher (1993) Low accepted children (LA) High accepted children (HA) Do LA children they have friends? What is the quality of their friendships?

Parker & Asher (1993) HA more likely to have a best friend than LA not all HA have a best friend many LA have a best friend best friendships of LA are more problematic than those of HA regardless of status, children without a best friend are more lonely than children with a best friend

Popularity & Friendship contribute to children’s well-being Popularity and Peer Acceptance serve as a context in which children develop leadership skills, assertiveness, & conflict resolution strategies Close Friendships provide a safe context for self-exploration meet child’s needs for intimacy and social support

Consequences of Close Friendships School performance/adjustment Social & emotional support

How can parents and teachers help children develop the skills for creating and maintaining close friendships?