Chapter 11: Relationships and Roles

The Changing Landscape of Marriage Throughout history: Marriage was often based on practical concerns. Mid twentieth century (1950s): Marriage in twenties with the expectation of maintaining the relationship for a half-century.  Often based on traditional gender roles as the norm (see photo) Late twentieth century: Marriage is significantly redefined.  Marriage was deinstitutionalized – transformed from the standard adult institution to more of a focus on personal choices.

Cross-culturally Buss (1989) analysed over 10,000 participants aged from 33 countries (5 continents) Men valued physical attractiveness more than women, but women value it too Men valued women who are younger Women valued financial capacity

Make your ideal man/woman -Hip to waist ratios Females: 0.7 Males: Younger partner was preferred by 42% of men and only 25% of women. -Physical attractiveness listed as important to 44% of men and only 22% of women.

The United States: Dreaming of Marriage for Life Despite high divorce rates, young people still want to marry.  8 out of 10 report want to marry, same as past research Although the desire may be marriage, more consideration is given to certain fundamentals: Personal goals Sense of identify established Financially stability

U-shaped curve of martial satisfaction Starts with high expectations- honeymoon phase-Happiness is at its peak Happiness slopes downward, and then tends to decline more slowly or level out around year 4- danger zone If a couple can get past the first 4 years, they have passed the main divorce danger zone.

U-shaped curve of martial satisfaction Marriage affected by work and children. First child reaching puberty causes more stress to relationship as parents deal with child’s emotional instability. Positive change occurs with empty nest: Happiness increases when children leave. Many empty-nest couples reconnect when they are suddenly “just the two of us” together again.

Sternberg’s Triangular Theory Adult love relationships- three components: 1. Passion (sexual arousal) 2. Intimacy (feelings of closeness) 3. Commitment (exclusive relationships) Consummate love (ideal state) – combines passion, intimacy, and commitment  *but over time marital passion and even intimacy tend to wane

Keeping Passion and Intimacy Alive 1 out of every 10 couples manage to stay passionate for decades Realize that keeping passion and intimacy takes work. Regularly engage in exciting activities that both partners enjoy.

Couple Communications and Happiness Happy couples… more positive than negative comments don’t get personal when they disagree  -Unhappy couples personalize their conflicts, often using put-downs and sarcasm.  -Happy couple see the disagreement as a situation not a personal attack. are sensitive to their partner’s need for “space.”  -Interactions that begin with attempted discussions of concern, leading to disgust, then contempt