Fidelity and Marital Intimacy “Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else” D&C 42:22

Honor Marital Vows With Complete Fidelity Fulfill sexual stewardship "Implied are at least three elements that characterize successful stewardship: (1) agency, (2) diligence, and (3) accountability. We may accept or reject the opportunity to become a steward, but once we accept the responsibility, we are expected to exert great effort, as indicated in the parable of the talents. We are expected to improve or enhance what we have been given. Ultimately there will be an accounting of one kind or another of our various stewardships.“ (B. Barlow, What Husbands Expect of Wives, 1989, p. 60) Be wholly loyal More than NOT being UNLOYAL, includes Heart, Might, Mind, Strength

Ignorance: No Info and Bad Info Learn about: Human intimacy in general Your own sexuality Your spouse’s sexuality "So often when a husband and wife talk to each other about their sexual needs, their conversations are... indirect, imprecise, inconclusive. Frequently both partners are in a hurry to end the conversation, hopeful that they will miraculously understand each other's desires without much talk.“ (Gottman, J. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, 1999, pp ) Be careful of what you read and watch to learn—bad info can be worse than no info "Thousands of young people come to the marriage altar almost illiterate insofar as this basic and fundamental function is concerned…There is no excuse for approaching this most intimate relationship in life without true knowledge of its meaning and its high purpose." President Hugh B. Brown

Inhibition: Emotional & Physical Conditions Emotional Gain an understanding and testimony of the true nature and purposes of sexual intimacy “[The sexual impulse] is intended by our Maker as a holy impulse for a holy purpose” (Harold B. Lee) Explore your thoughts, feelings, and values about sexuality (through thinking, studying, writing, talking) Physical "A widespread myth exists in the LDS culture. The myth is that sexual problems are only a manifestation of marital discord and conflict. [It is] true that some sexual problems originate from marital discord. However, in most instances, sexual dysfunctions will not resolve themselves even if the marriage relationship improves.“ ( Hammond & Stahmann in Barlow, B. What Husbands Expect of Wives, 1989, p. 63) Gain a clear understanding of physiological processes Seek help to overcome physiological problems

Ill Will: Symbolic Reflection Be wholly one “Such an act of love between a man and a woman is…a symbol of total union: union of their hearts, their hopes, their lives, their love, their family, their future, their everything…their very hearts and minds, all their days and all their dreams…And the external symbol of that union, the physical manifestation of what is a far deeper spiritual and metaphysical bonding, is…[an] expression of [that] larger, more complete union of eternal purpose and promise.” Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, Of Souls, Symbols, and Sacraments

Immorality: Multiple Means and Effects Physical Infidelity Understand the effects of both pre-marital and extra-marital sexual experiences Recognize that it’s a process (not an event) and heed warning signs Other Forms of Infidelity Recognize anything that takes away from your total union for what it is and will do Understand and flee from Emotional Affairs Virtual Affairs Pornography

Physical Infidelity "Our study shows that no matter how sexually active people are before and between marriages, no matter whether they lived with sexual partners before marriage or whether they were virgins on their wedding day, marriage is such a powerful social institution that…[once] married, the vast majority have no other sexual partner; their past is essentially erased. Marriage remains the great leveler.”Sex in America, p. 105 (Statistics From the National Sex Survey (1992) N=3,432) Number of Sex Partners in Past 12 Months Marital Status Never married25%38%28%9% Cohabiting 1%75%20%5% Married 2%94% 4%1% 85% of women report they were sexually faithful while married. 75% of men report they were sexually faithful while married. The proportion of adults who agree that extramarital sex is always wrong has increased from about 80% in 1972 to about 88% in 1996.

Avoiding Marital Immorality: (Not So) Common Sense Keep the Spirit with you and heed all promptings at any cost. Dedicate daily time to growing your relationship with your spouse. NEVER be alone with a member of the opposite sex. Avoid sharing personal feelings, cordial hugging, kissing and dancing, etc. with members of the opposite sex.

Personal Writing Experience Summarize your own understanding of covenant of chastity and the sexual stewardship of marriage Describe your thoughts, feelings and values about sexual intimacy Set one goal to improve your stewardship in your own (future) marriage