Self knowledge: who we are is defined by (White, 1992)  The things we know about ourselves, and so the stories we tell about ourselves  The things others know about us and so the stories others tell about us  The things a culture has defined about us and so the stories the culture tells about us

Jo Hari Window of Self Knowledge Tufts and Ingram (1968)  Known to me  known to others  Not known to me  Known to others  Known to me  Not known to others  Not know to me  Not known to others

 Independence  Dependence  Interdependent  Differentiation

Weingarten (1992)  Challenges closeness and sexual meanings of intimacy  Developmental Tasks for Adolescents and Parents  Challenges need for separation to ensure adjustment  Speaks in terms of intimacy  Redefines intimacy as more complex than closeness

Intimacy Defined Weingarten (1992)(in part )  Not sexual  Reciprocal relationship of sharing, listening and understanding  Sharing of feelings, wishes, thoughts, activities  Intimacy can be created at any moment and with anyone  Fosters self knowledge  Promotes differentiation, refines self knowledge and leads to emotional sturdiness

Intimacy  In this view distance is not desirable  Conflict is not inevitable  Separation interferes with differentiation

Parent and Adolescent Task  Relationship, not break, is crucial for teens and parents  Re-negotiation of relationship, or updating of relationship based upon developmental changes

Tasks for Parents  Trust in the parenting provided to date and the knowledge imparted on their child  See their role as parent changing, not stopping  Continue to show interest in being connected and interested in their child’s life  Encourage differentiation

Task for Adolescents  To see the lives of their parents as compelling and capable of transformation as their own.  Particularly true for sons/daughters and mothers  This task also true for Mother’s