Examining Conflict Styles: How Do You Manage Conflict? Renee A. Meyers, Ph.D. Department of Communication, UWM Colloquium MCW February 13, 2008

Typical View of Conflict Most people view conflict as difficult and unpleasant Competitive Emotional Results in decreased communication Misperception and bias Rigid positions Magnifies differences, minimizes similarities Escalates issues and problems

Everyday Conflict Conflict is everyday occurrence Disagreement over procedures Disagreement over ideas Disagreement over needs

Alternative View of Conflict Assumptions about conflict Conflict is comprehensible social process Conflict management skills can be learned; good conflict managers are not born, but made Conflict management skills improve through learning, training, and practice Conflict management is problem solving that involves both advocacy and attention to relationships

Everyday Conflict Goals and Objectives Understand own conflict management style Learn when your style works best Introduce integrative model for conflict management To maximize the value you derive from this course you should understand my key assumptions. First, negotiation is a comprehensible social process. It is not a mystical process in a black box; it can be analyzed, understood, and modeled. Second, negotiation is a learnable and teachable skill. Negotiators are made, not born, and skills can be improved and relearned throughout life. Third, change and improvement in negotiating behavior require a combination of intellectual training and behavioral skill development. In other words, you can watch all the videos in the world about improving your tennis or golf games, but if you don’t get out and practice your stroke, you are unlikely to improve. The same is true of negotiation. We will spend fully 1/2 of the time negotiating in class. What you take away from the seminar will depend largely on your willingness in the negotiations to practice different/uncomfortable strategies and tactics. In each debrief, we will connect the key principles to your experience here at NM. You all have amnesty in this room. Nothing you say or do here can be held against you.

Understanding Conflict Management Strategies Label the columns on the questionnaire: Row I: Items 1, 4, etc – Collaborative Style Row II: Items 3, 7, etc – Avoidant Style Row III: Items 8, 10, etc – Competitive Style Row IV: Items 2, 12, etc – Accommodating Style Row V: Items 5, 9, etc – Compromising Style

Conflict Management Styles High Low Accommodating Collaborative Avoidance Competitive Compromise Concern for other (cooperativeness) We will spend most of our time in the Integrative/Distributive quadrants. What are some of risks of Avoiding or Accommodating? Propensity of members of this group (and possibly NM culture in general) to avoid conflict.

Examining Styles Complete handout to determine how one communicates in each style Avoidant Competitive Accommodating Compromising Collaborative

Styles in Scenario What style(s) are Mary and Jim using in the conflict scenario? Are these appropriate? If you were a conflict management specialist, what would you suggest to Jim and Mary?

When To Use Each Style When might each of the styles be most useful? Avoidant Competitive Accommodating Compromising Collaborative

Employing Strategies Avoiding When issue is trivial When potential disruption outweighs the benefits of resolution To let people cool down and regain perspective

Employing Strategies Competitive—advocate own position On issues vital to company welfare, and you know you are right Against people who will take advantage of noncompetitive behavior When you are on equal status with other person(s)

Employing Strategies Accommodating When you find you are wrong—to allow a better position to be heard, and to show reasonableness To build social credits for later issues When harmony and stability are paramount To minimize loss when you are outmatched and losing

Employing Strategies Compromising To achieve temporary settlements To arrive at expedient solutions under time pressure When opponents of equal power are committed to mutually exclusive goals

Employing Strategies Collaborative When both sets of concerns are too important to be compromised To merge insights from people of different perspectives To gain commitment by incorporating concerns into a consensus To work through relational issues that have interfered with relationship development

Integrative Model for Conflict Management Recognize the value of the relationship Narrow to one issue Neutralize defensiveness and set up integrative framework Echo and explain “stories” Develop a workable solution Implement plan and be accountable

Planning for Integrative Conflict Management What is the primary issue? What is your story? What do you want? Where is your story weak, vulnerable, unreasonable? What other options do you have? What is the other person’s story? What will this person want? What are their alternatives? What additional information do you need to understand their position? What are the connections between the stories? What will be the major differences? Where will you, and the other party, become most defensive? What are the possible benefits to both parties?

Integrative Model for Conflict Management Start by recognizing the value of the relationship: I wanted to talk to you today because I would like us to continue to work together effectively . . . I wanted to talk to you about this because I would appreciate your help making my clinic successful. . . I wanted to talk to you because I value your friendship . . .

Integrative Model for Conflict Management Narrow to one issue I want to talk about the assignment of residents. I hope that we can figure out something that works for both of us. OR I want to talk about how we manage our differences BUT NOT BOTH!! Discussing everything “and the kitchen sink” is not productive. Only leads to greater defensiveness.

Integrative Model for Conflict Management Neutralize defensiveness and set up integrative framework—working together toward goal I really would like it if we could figure out a way to provide enough residents for my clinic. I feel like I can’t get the work done well otherwise. Use “we” language as much as possible Use “I” language instead of “you” language

Integrative Model for Conflict Management How to say: YOU never give me enough residents It feels to me like I never have enough residents to do the job well YOU always go behind my back to the chair I would prefer if we could work out our difference between us before we have to get the chair involved YOU’RE so dumb, stupid, dense, incompetent . . . I think it would help if we both understood each other’s positions

Integrative Model for Conflict Management Get Both Stories on the Table Ask the other person to explain their story/viewpoint: Jim: It feels like I never have enough residents for my clinic. I think it is an excellent opportunity for residents, and I would like them to get this opportunity. I feel like I just can’t do justice to the clinic if I never have enough residents. Echo back this person’s story (as you understand it) and then explain your story/viewpoint: Mary: I can see that you are very committed to your clinic and to the education of the residents. It is hard sometimes to know ahead of time how many residents can be assigned. I have many requests and sometimes I can’t honor all of them

Integrative Model for Conflict Management Is there a solution, or are there solutions, that would fit both parties’ needs regarding the resident assignment problem? On rotational basis, clinics get first request Revisit resident assignment policy to see if changes should be made Determine minimum and maximum of each clinic, and seek to provide minimum number first

Integrative Model for Conflict Management Implement plan and be accountable Make sure to check up periodically (or within a set time frame) to make sure the solution is working (or still working).

Behavior of Skilled Conflict Managers Appreciative Moves Appreciate other person’s situation—solicit his/her story and views Encourage the other person to elaborate Respect the other person’s objections—anticipate them and recognize them yourself Appreciate other person’s feelings Pay attention to undercurrents Pay attention to nonverbal cues

Behavior of Skilled Conflict Managers Appreciate the other person’s ideas Respond to the other person’s ideas—suspend judgment, and consider ideas Link the other person’s ideas with yours Appreciate the other person’s face Show respect for the other person Make it easy for the other person to retreat Appreciate the solution that has been made, and review it with other party at end of conflict session

Where Have We Been Today? Understand own conflict management style Learn when your style works best Introduce integrative model for conflict management