بسمِ الله الرحمن الرحيم ALI 155:Essential of Marriage Academy for Learning Islam (ALI) Session 1: May 16 & May 23, 2009 Session 2: May 17 & May 24, 2009

Introduction: Why this seminar?  It’s sensible to prepare for a venture that will In… be lifetime  Focus on essential advices  Why do so many marriages break?  Begin it on the right footing  Stories from marital guides  Know that Islam is not against having desires & enjoying a spouse

Marriage in Islam  Marriage is a highly respected and recommended institution in Islam. It is so greatly emphasized that a believer who deliberately shuns it is not a follower of the Prophet (s). The famous Prophetic Hadith says: Marriage is from my sunnah, and whoever turns away from it is not from me. It is a sign of the Almighty that he has created males and females among the human beings and then created a system that allows them to live together for the benefit of both the spouses & become agents of God in procreation. Reflect on following verses & Hadiths.

Aayaat & Hadiths on Marriage  وَأَنكِحُوا الْأَيَامَى مِنكُمْ وَالصَّالِحِينَ مِنْ عِبَادِكُمْ وَإِمَائِكُمْ إِن يَكُونُوا فُقَرَاء يُغْنِهِمُ اللَّهُ مِن فَضْلِهِ وَاللَّهُ وَاسِعٌ عَلِيمٌ 24:32  وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إِنَّ فِي ذَلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ 30:21  هُنَّ لِبَاسٌ لَّكُمْ وَأَنتُمْ لِبَاسٌ لَّهُنَّ 2:187  ما بُنِيَ في الإسلامِ بِناءٌ أحَبَّ إلى اللَّهِ عَزَّوجلَّ، وأعَزَّ مِنَ التَّزويجِ  ما مِن شابٍّ تَزَوَّجَ في حَداثَةِ سِنِّهِ إلّا عَجَّ شَيطانُهُ : يا وَيْلَهُ ، يا وَيْلَهُ ! عَصَمَ مِنّي ثُلُثَي دِينِهِ ، فَلْيَتَّقِ اللَّهَ العَبدُ في‏الثُّلُثِ الباقِي  المُتَزَوِّجُ النائمُ أفضَلُ عِندَ اللَّهِ مِنَ الصائمِ القائمِ العَزَبِ

Good family life essential in marriage  Reflection on āyāt 6:84 – 89  Allah raised many prophets within the family of other prophets  Prophets rewarded in this world by having prophethood in their progeny  Family upbringing and environment help in having virtuous children  Being a virtuous (sālih) is a precondition for being appointed a prophet  Allah chooses and guides some that they become prophets

Family role in prophetic missions  They provided a vital assistance to the prophet against the adversaries among their people  Remained pure from evil and indecency. Allah purified family of the Holy Prophet (33:33); Family of Lut (a) remained pure from sodomy (27:56)  After the death of the prophets, their descendant became their spiritual and material heirs  Prophets prayed to Allah to grant them the help of members of their family, e.g. Musa (a) prayed that his brother Haroon (a) become his assistant 20:29 & 30  They also prayed for divine favor for their kin and their offspring

Materialism vs. Islamic family life  i) The drive to become independent economically at any cost  ii) Economic independence is wrongly taken as being self- sufficient  iii) Promotion of small family size  iv) Love of the self and physical comfort is paramount  v) This world and what is in it matters, Hereafter is secondary or illusory

Becoming independent economically  Economic independence per se is good. Imam Ali (a): Being poor while at home is like being a stranger; Being rich while abroad is like being at home.  Love for world & what it has is understandable. Imam Ali (a): People are the children of this world; a man cannot be criticized for loving his mother. See HQ 3:14  To have luxuries and high standard of living at the cost of heavy debts and mortgage is inappropriate because:  a) Both parents are under pressure to work  b) Ali (a) : Indebtedness is slavery... so do not give yourself up as a slave to someone who is not aware of your rights. Excessive debt forces the one who is truthful to tell lies, & one who keeps his promises to break them.  c) Lifestyle is full of demands and stress. Therefore little or no time to spend together within a nucleus family and more so with relatives

Economic independence or needless  كَلَّا إِنَّ الْإِنسَانَ لَيَطْغَى {6} أَن رَّآهُ اسْتَغْنَى {7}  Verily, man does transgress all bounds (in disbelief and evil deed, etc.) when he considers himself self-sufficient. (96:6 & 7)  Selfish and self-centered people are not welcome in all societies  We are part of a society and everyone has role to play in it

Small family size has become a norm  Designs of cars and houses, maximum 4 people (ham do, hamāre do)  - Contraceptives: available easily, relatively inexpensive & a big choice  - Cost of supporting relatives has become a big economic concern  - Abortion has become a common thing. Allah says:  وَلاَ تَقْتُلُواْ أَوْلادَكُمْ خَشْيَةَ إِمْلاقٍ نَّحْنُ نَرْزُقُهُمْ وَإِيَّاكُم إنَّ قَتْلَهُمْ كَانَ خِطْءًا كَبِيرًا  And kill not your children for fear of poverty. We provide for them and for you. Surely, the killing of them is a great sin (17:31). Also see 6:151

Love for the self and physical comfort  Materialism creates a selfish sense of self, putting oneself above others. Thus members of a family may be more prone to consider their own interests and feel reluctant to sacrifice for the others.  Comfort is above anything else. Thus guests or extended family members may not be welcome due to the inconvenience this may cause.  No time for close relatives. As a reminder we assign special days in a year for special relatives (mother, father)

This world and what is in it matters, Hereafter is secondary or illusory  Family members may give a lot of time and efforts for school, sports, entertainment, but less time for ibādah, visiting the mosque etc.  Time to read novels, newspapers & other magazines. No time to read Islamic literature or take Islamic courses  Time to watch television programs or play video games can be found. Listening to Islamic lectures, sermons, & documentaries hard to find

Surely, this life has a purpose  Did you suppose that We created you aimlessly, and that you will not be brought back to Us? (Holy Qur’an 23:115)  O Allah... grant me life as long as You know the life is good for me, and cause me to die if death is better for me (Sayyida Fatima az-Zahraa ‘alayhaas salaam)  O Allah... employ me in that about which You will ask me tomorrow, and let me pass my days in that for which You have created me! (As-Sahifa As- Sajjadiyyah, Prayer No. 20, passage No.3)