Social Skills

Showing Respect Obey a request to stop a negative behavior. Refrain from teasing, threatening or making fun of others. Allow others to have their privacy and personal space. Do not damage others property. 5. Follow posted rules, such as “no skateboarding” or “no radios on the bus.” 6. Avoid talking loudly in public places. 7. Dress appropriately. 8. Consider the comfort of others.

Controlling Anger If a person is talking to you, continue listening. Monitor your feelings and your breathing. Tell yourself to relax tense body parts. Try to speak in a neutral tone. 5. Ask for time by yourself if you are really upset. 6. Brainstorm the reasons why you are upset.

Learning to Disagree Look at the person and use his name. Appear to be sincere and not emotionally involved in your disagreement. Use a pleasant voice that says you are calm. Use short sentences. Actively listen to the other person's point of view. Think before you speak. State why you feel differently, giving specific reasons for your thoughts. Be sure that your reasons are accurate and logical. Be prepared to agree to disagree.

Using Self Control Look at the other person and always use their name. If someone is talking to you, keep listening. Monitor your body's feelings. Breathe deeply. Tell yourself to keep calm. If you need to, ask the other person for some time away to collect yourself. Consider some of the outcomes of this situation. Try to prioritize the out comes..."so what if?" Reflect on past situations like this that have had a positive ending. Reassure yourself that you have overcome difficult moments like this in the past.

Using Humor 1. Evaluate the situation. Is this a good time and place for humor? 2 . Evaluate the speaker. Read his or her body language. Interpret his or her facial expression. Would he or she appreciate humor at this time? 3. Be aware that a fall or a mistake might be funny at a later time, but immediately following the incident the person may be hurt or sad. 4 . Is the subject of the humor appropriate? 5 . Make eye contact with the person. 6 . Share the humor. 7. Be sure the humor was taken correctly.

Expressing Feelings Evaluate the situation. Is this a good time and place for your interaction? Evaluate the speaker. Read his or her body language. Interpret his or her facial expression. Is he or she open to hearing you at this time. Make eye contact with the person. Describe the feeling you are having in an “ I message.” “I feel angry when you…” Listen to the person’s response. Thank the person for listening.

Being On Time Know exactly when you need to be at an appointment. Pre-plan your means of getting to the appointment. How long should it take? Check bus schedules and train schedules if needed. Plan for time to dress and groom. Leave time to spare. Go directly to the appointment without making other stops. If you become delayed, call the person. (Have their telephone number.) Apologize for being late and provide a good reason.

Listening to Others Look at the person and be ready to use their name. Sit near where they are within good listening distance. The more intimate the conversation, the closer you will be by the person talking. Wait for the person to finish talking before you speak. Show your interest in what is being said by nodding or saying "uh huh." Demonstrate your understanding by asking questions, restating or saying thanks.

Let’s Practice! Look at the person and be ready to use their name. Sit near where they are within good listening distance. The more intimate the conversation, the closer you will be by the person talking. Wait for the person to finish talking before you speak. Show your interest in what is being said by nodding or saying "uh huh." Demonstrate your understanding by asking questions, restating or saying thanks.

Bad Peer Pressure Evaluate the situation. Is this a good time and place for your interaction? Look at the people in the group. Do their actions or attitudes tell you about their values? Remain calm, but serious. Say “No thanks” to inappropriate activities. Suggest another activity. Remove yourself if pressure continues. Re-evaluate your friendship if the activity is illegal or immoral.

O.K. with Differences Think about the similarities between you and the other person. Wow! How much you have in common! Now consider the differences between you. How few they are. Think about all the activities you share together as Americans. Most of the time their lives are like yours. Be appreciative that diversity adds interest and color to our lives. Imagine eating your favorite food... day after day, always the same. It soon wouldn't be interesting.

Setting Goals Identify a personal goal. Break the goal down into smaller steps or objectives. Establish a timeline for reaching the goals and the objectives. List the behaviors that will help you achieve your objectives. List the behaviors that will not help you achieve your objectives. List some rewards to doing positive behaviors. List some consequences if you do behaviors that will not help you achieve your goal. Determine how the goal will be measured.

Let’s Do an Example! Identify a personal goal. To get an A+ on math test Break the goal down into smaller steps or objectives. Study book, notes and review with a friend Establish a timeline for reaching the goals and the objectives. Everyday until test List the behaviors that will help you achieve your objectives. Dedication, focus and determination. List the behaviors that will not help you achieve your objectives. Procrastination and laziness. List some rewards to doing positive behaviors. Get an A+ on the math test List some consequences if you do behaviors that will not help you achieve your goal. Get a C or D on the math test Determine how the goal will be measured. A,B,C,D,F

Responding to Teasing Remain calm, but serious. Assertively ask the person to stop teasing. If the teasing continues, move away. Ignore the teasing. If the teasing stops, thank the person. If it does not stop, report the situation to a grown-up you trust.

Conversations TO START: Look at the person or persons that you want to talk with. Address the people by their name. Stand about an arm's length away from everyone. Wait until there is a pause in the conversation for you to start talking. Try to add information to the conversation.

Conversations DURING THE CONVERSATION: 1. Always look at the people. Check out their body language and facial expressions. 2. You may change topics only when people are finished speaking on that subject. 3. When you change a topic it should usually be related to what you were speaking about earlier. 4. Ask questions about the topic. 5. Add information about the topic that you know. 6. Some people use touch to compliment their words, such as a pat on the back. 7. Be animated by using lots of gestures.

Conversations ENDING THE CONVERSATION 1. Make sure everyone has had a chance to talk. 2. Use closing expressions, like “I see that class is starting." Complement the other person. "You had really good ideas. It was good talking with you." 4. Thank the other person, “Thanks for sharing with me." 5. Use a final closing statement like, "O. K., see you later." 6. Many people close their conversations with a handshake.

Conversations Let’s Practice!

Emergencies! Dial 911 Give your name and location. State facts as you see them. "I see fire coming from the second story window next door." Stay calm. You may be asked to help. Stay on the phone to listen to directions. Get out of danger, i.e. you could be hurt by the situation. Speak clearly.

The Opposite Gender Evaluate your relationship. Is it personal or professional? Set boundaries for openness and sharing. They will be physical, emotional and intellectual. Avoid physical or verbal displays of affection in the workplace or at school. Don’t use jokes or humor that is sexually oriented. Avoid sexism or making generalities about a person’s gender, such as “dumb blond” jokes.

Accepting Discipline 1. Have a positive attitude. Consider this an opportunity to show you can grow. 2. Look directly at the adult who is giving you discipline. 3. Listen carefully. Take notes to show that you are listening. 4. Keep paying courteous attention. Keep good eye contact. 5. As hard as it may be, agree with the person. (Arguing at this point will not work.) 6. Restate what you have heard. 7. Restate any suggestions for improvement. 8. If you can, think of your own ideas of ways you could improve. "Yes, I have been late. I'm going to get a louder alarm clock to that I can get up on time." 9. Accepting criticism or disciple shows that you are valuable. You have the ability to make changes. You are flexible. 10. Praise yourself for being calm throughout the process. You can grumble about the unfairness you perceived with your friends.

Holding a Door Open In general, you hold the door open for the next person. To be polite, women and children are allowed to go first or anyone your respect. Use the expressions "after you" or "please go ahead." Hold the door open and stand back. Say "you're welcome, when the person thanks you. Now you may enter.