 Verbal Limit Setting  Selective Listening  The Broken Record  Zones of Proximity  Centering Time  Altering the Scene  Removal Select one of the tools below to review and share with your group. Use the collection tool to guide your discussion and note taking.

Share other discipline tools you have used successfully in the past.

Every behavior has a payoff.

 Eric Berne, a researcher in California in the 1960s, talked about voices inside your head. You have different voices inside your head, and they talk to you. When you're in the negative child voice, you're whining. The positive child voice: You're expressing delight. The adult voice: You're asking questions. The parent voice: You're firm and insistent.  Claude Steiner, who wrote Scripts People Live, worked with Eric Berne. He said this: When you're forced to become your own parent quite young, you develop only two of the three voices because you didn't have a nurturing parent. These are the child and the negative parent voice.  You cannot "whine" children into good behavior; you have no structure or learning with this voice. Tattling is in this voice. The problem comes when you try to discipline in this voice. Children have low tolerance for teachers who have a child voice. These teachers are seen as weak and ineffective.

 If you always have the negative parent voice, you have little relationship in the classroom, thus little learning. This breeds latent hostility: "I'm going to get even with you when nobody's looking.“ The negative parent voice screams; it says you are not happy and it creates a clash of wills. The reason all of us periodically go into this negative parent voice is because a belief got triggered: You get a "should" or "ought to" message.  The powerful parent voice is positive. It asks questions. If you want to stop a behavior, you need a parent voice: "Stop that." If you want to change a behavior, you use the adult voice and a technique called reframing. The adult voice is effective because it creates change; so does the positive parent voice.  Many adults do not have an adult voice. National research shows that 80 percent of the discipline referrals come from 11 percent of the staff. The voice that gets the most referrals are either the whining child or the negative parent.

In what ways could this be resolved? What factors will be used to determine the effectiveness, quality of ______? I would like to recommend ______. What are choices in this situation? I am comfortable (uncomfortable) with ______. Options that could be considered are ______. For me to be comfortable, I need the following things to occur: ______. These are the consequences of that choice/action: ______. We agree to disagree. Quit picking on me. You don't love me. You want me to leave. Nobody likes (loves) me. I hate you. You make me sick. It's your fault. Don't blame me. She, he … did it. You make me mad. You made me do it. Ruby Payne’s Use of Voices CHILD ADULT You (shouldn't) should do that. That's stupid, immature, out of line, ridiculous. Life's not fair. Get busy. You are good, bad, worthless, beautiful (any judgmental, evaluative comment). You do as I say. If you weren't so ______, this wouldn't happen to you. Why can’t you be like ______? PARENT Adapted from work of Eric Berne

1. What did you do? 2. When you did that, what did you want? 4. What will you do next time? 3. What are four other things you could have done instead? Change requires questions; that is why these four questions are so important.

What voice do use most often during discipline situations?