Effective Club Communication Lee Fogarty, Ph. D. Proud Governor, District 4 Former Conflict Management Officer, District 4 412-915-7738

Effective Club Communication How to talk so others will listen How to listen so others can talk

A team A team is a small group of people with complementary skills who are committed to a common purpose.

Barriers to communication So, we are working towards a common purpose. What gets in the way? information overload time energy message congruency personality differences lack of trust

We’d be fine if they weren’t so different Ever wonder why people behave the way they do? innate personality cultural differences learned responses This adds richness to our culture and our organization ….can make communication more challenging ….causes judgments May also create tensions contribute to conflict  

Separate realities This is my favorite theory in terms of communication Often we decide the things that motivate me will (should) motivate everyone (my father) To be successful we understand their differences and respond without judgment This increases positive interaction and reduces conflict

This relationship would be great if it weren’t for you A real title of a book, and often how we think In order to communicate, we need to learn what will work with the other person - what is effective with them, rather than trying to get them to be us The person who is task focused needs to be given reasons not feelings, the person who is relationship focused needs to be addressed in a relational way, the technical person needs to have facts. (AM)

Separate realities In organizations, need to take advantage of different strengths We need People who like detailed work as well as those who look at the big picture Creative people as well as analytical ones People who work best in groups as well as those who think best on their own

Trust Once we understand personality differences, it is easier to build trust. Trust is the most important ingredient in working with a team. Think of one example of when you felt trust in a friend. Think of one example of when you felt trusted by a friend. How does that feel?

What is trust? Basically trusting that you will tell me the truth Confidence that peers intentions are good Feel that there is no reason to have to be protective or careful Comfortable being VULNERABLE with each other Show weaknesses Admit skill deficiencies Ask for help

…and this is really about conflict …how it affects us and how we can learn to deal with it To deal with conflict good communication trust assertiveness

What is conflict? CONFLICT What words come to mind?

conflict Fear Loss Humiliation Flight Loss of productivity Hurt, bad, tense, anger All negative words

Conflict Would this surprise you? “The absence of conflict is not harmony, it’s apathy” Conflict over issues is natural and necessary. Jot down some words that define conflict in a positive way.

Positive results of conflict Better relationships Increased confidence Less anger and depression Greater respect from others Increased intimacy Peace Less fear Greater sense of personal strength

Sources of conflict Poor communication Unclear responsibilities Differences of goals Divergent personalities Differences in methods and styles Differences in perception or opinions Conflict of interest Using the same old solutions over and over

Causes of Conflict Interdependence plus differences can create conflict Fact of life No one’s fault Develops when the concerns of different team members appear to be incompatible

Interdependence Need to work together to satisfy concerns of the team Is high when the team makes decisions that affect all members

Differences Varying responsibilities, values, temperaments, sources of information, experience The more diverse the above, the more conflict AND more diversity provides the opportunity for richer understanding of, and approaches to, issues

Positive conflict Teams that engage in conflict Have lively, interesting meetings Extract and exploit the ideas of all team members Solve real problems quickly Minimize politics Put critical topics on the table for discussion

Teams that fear conflict Have boring meetings Create environments where back-channel politics and personal attacks thrive Ignore controversial topics that are critical to team success Fail to tap into all the opinions and perspectives of team members Waste time and energy with posturing and interpersonal risk management

Conflict Management Styles Avoidance Competition Accommodation Compromise Collaboration

Tips for Managing Conflict Control your temper and emotional response Understand the issues Pick your battles Search for a common goal or ground Look at the context of the conflict

Context of conflict What is motivating the other person? What beliefs or values are influencing their perspective? What limitations are influencing her perspective (fears, lack of skills, stresses and pressures)? Ask these questions of yourself, as well

Process of conflict management Analyze the situation Plan a strategy prepare your strategy Implement your strategy

Effective tactics Be calm Maintain eye contact and be aware of body language Explain your concerns in a descriptive manner Supply only relevant data I statements Clarify other’s message by paraphrasing and get feedback That is, really listen

Personal Action Plan What are you willing to do differently in the coming weeks? What is one strength of yours in dealing with conflict? What is one area that you could focus on and improve? What is the hardest behavior for you to deal with? Why?

Continue the Conversation Q & A Please feel free to ask any questions related to communication and this webinar now. Continue the Conversation Utilize social media (Zonta Facebook Page, Zonta Twitter handle or the official Zonta LinkedIn Group) and continue the dialogue started today!