Bullying: What it is, How to Prevent it and What to Do if it Exists

What is Bullying? Bullying is when a person (or more than one person) intentionally makes another person feel less powerful or important. There is often repetition to this interaction. It can be physical, verbal, social or today’s commonly occurring cyberbullying. Bullying can and does happen everywhere – no one is immune to it. The effects of bullying can be serious and long lasting.

Bullying Characteristics Negative interaction for the victim and it can be negative for bystanders Aggressive Happens more than once Interaction is unprovoked Victim has hard time defending him/herself Often done out of sight of adults Often not share with parents – children don’t tell

Bullying, Teasing, Fighting It is not all the same. Teasing occurs within a child’s social group and is often innocent. Fighting involves physical altercations between children. Bullying is an imbalance of power, is aggressive and occurs more than once.

The Damaging Effects of Bullying on the Victim Students may be fearful of attending school, riding the bus, using the bathroom or being alone in the hallway. Bullying can cause children to experience: fear, depression, loneliness, anxiety, low self-esteem, physical illness, and in some cases even suicidal ideation, attempts and completions.

4 Types of Bullying Physical: punches, kicks, pulling out chair, trips, shoving Verbal: name calling, threats, racial slurs, homophobic slurs Social: being excluded from events, lying, spreading rumors, causing embarrassment and/or humiliation, making faces behind back Cyberbullying: using technology to bully, especially using social media sites along with mobile phones

How to Recognize if your Child is… Being Bullied: Does not want to go to school and has few friends; Complains of physical ailments; Has difficulty concentrating on schoolwork; Is missing personal belongings; Has trouble sleeping or eating; and/or Appears sad, frightened and/or depressed.

How to Recognize if your Child is… A Bully: Has positive views towards violence Acquires new possessions and/or money that cannot be explained; Has a home life that has verbal and/or physical aggression and/or low parental involvement; Has a social circle that accepts bullying; Has a marked need to control and dominate others and situations; and/or Is hot tempered, impulsive, easily frustrated, often breaks rules and has trouble accepting responsibility for actions.

What Can Parents Do Before you are even aware of any situation, parents must communicate with their children. Open, honest and comfortable communication is critical – talk about bullying. Role play various scenarios with your children. Have open ended conversations with your child every day: Who did you have lunch with today? Who did you play with at recess? Do you ever notice any kids that get left out or teased?

More Parents Can Do Eat dinner together as a family – without electronics. Lead by example – take an honest look at yourself. Value and demonstrate empathy, tolerance, and acceptance. Listen, listen, listen – without judgment. Be honest about the situation.

And Still More Parents Can Do Help children with healthy self esteem Avoid conditional compliments. Accept your child. Foster independence. Be realistic. Remember you’ll both make mistakes. Say you are sorry when the fault is yours. Discipline constructively. Love abundantly.

Dealing with the Problem If your child is the bully, talk to him/her about role- reversal and how the other child is feeling. Require your child to apologize to the child bullied. Let your child know that bullying is unacceptable and provide a consequence. If your child is being bullied, help your child practice being assertive and staying in control. Teach by example – have your child see you solve a conflict assertively, not aggressively.

Dealing with the Problem If your child is being bullied or is the bully, continue to follow up and stay in touch with the school. Do not handle this on your own or assume that because your child has stopped talking about it that everything has been resolved. Seek professional help immediately if you have concerns about depression, anxiety and/or suicidal ideation/attempts.

Dealing with the Problem Empathetic children are not bullies. Teach your children to be empathetic and caring. Visit the following websites for more information:

Contact SCAN FAM and Family Support Program (804) Children’s Advocacy Center (804) Websites