The Cycle of Anger How can I keep my anger under control? Stan Hoskin, LPC

2 The Cycle of Anger CREATES DIRECT OR INDIRECT THREAT FEAR POWERS THE ANGER ANXIETY AND FEAR LEVEL OF ANGER CREATES THOUGHTS ANGER DIRECTED AT THREAT THE MORE FEAR…THE MORE ANGER

Threats to “Extended Self” Our extended self makes up who we are: – Things we have (car, shoes, clothes, school project, coffee ice cream) – People we love (friends, parents, siblings, heros) – Ideas/Values we believe in (being a “Smith Tiger,” being an American, honesty, respect) When our extended self is threatened, (someone pushes our buttons) we defend ourselves 3

Your “Extended Self” Name two things that you own, and that you would protect, and get defensive about, if someone threatened them. Name two people in your life that you would protect and get defensive about, if someone threatened, or made fun of them. Name two ideas or values that you believe in and would defend, if someone rejected you, or made fun of you about them. 4

5 Brain Science CREATES DIRECT OR INDIRECT THREAT FIGHT OR FLIGHT CREATES ADRENALINE RELEASE THINKING BRAIN (Pre-Frontal Cortex) THINKING BRAIN GETS VERY LITTLE BLOODFLOW MUSCLES AND LIMBIC SYSTEM GET MOST of the BLOODFLOW

Limbic System in Charge (Feeling Brain) When Limbic System is activated, adrenaline kicks our body into “Survival Mode” – Thinking brain goes to “idle” – “Fight or Flight” – Limbic involuntary response With adrenaline, it’s hard to calm down (increased strength, faster heart rate, faster breathing rate, increased alertness) – GOOD: When there’s a real threat (rattlesnake) – NOT GOOD: When the “perceived” threat causes us to over-react and hurt others (either physically or emotionally) 6

7 Emotional Memory – Stored in Limbic System HURTS, LOSSES, & STRESS ALL FEARS ARE STORED IN OUR EMOTIONAL MEMORY AT “C” OUR “EMOTIONAL CUP” IS FULL OF HURTS & FEARS C B A ABIDING FEAR CREATE AT “A” WE HAVE A FEW HURTS & FEARS AT “B” OUR CUP IS HALF FULL OF HURTS & FEARS

8 Emotional Memory – Stored in Limbic System ANY “THREAT” (REAL OR PERCEIVED) OUR OVER-FULL “EMOTIONAL CUP” TO OVER-FLOW ONTO OTHERS CAUSES WE DUMP OUT FEAR-FUELED RAGE AS OUR DEFENSIVE RESPONSE THIS CREATES AN “OVER-REACTION” TO THE “THREAT” OUR FRIENDS WALK AWAY, ASKING THEMSELVES, “WHAT’S UP WITH HIM?”

Emotional Memory – Stored in Limbic System Hurts: Messages that we have taken to heart: – “You’re stupid…” – “You’ll never amount to anything…” – “You can’t do anything right…” – “You’re such a loser…” Losses: – Death… – Moving often… Stress: – Actual or perceived… ALL OF THESE ISSUES CREATE IRRATIONAL FEAR: – I’m afraid of losing… – I’m afraid of being rejected… 9

What’s in Your Cup? Write down a few: 1. Hurts: _____________________________________________________ 2. Losses: _____________________________________________________ 3. Stessors: _____________________________________________________ 4. What adds to your emotional cup? _____________________________________________________ 10

How Do I Reduce My Anger Response? 1. Drain the cup – Heal the hurts (from the inside out) – Talk it out (come…let us reason together) – Cry (He keeps our tears in a bottle) – Let it go… 2. Reduce the fear (perfect love casts out fear) – Become more confident (our confidence is in Him) 3. Embrace the caring that others give to you (I Jn 4:7,8) – Our hurts keep us from opening ourselves to others 4. Make your cup bigger – Develop resiliency – Develop trust – Be vulnerable – Extend trust to others 11