Inter-Act, 13th Edition Chapter 6 Relationships

Chapter Objectives Discuss the functions of communication in relationships Describe how relationships differ and are categorized Explain how relationships change during their life cycles Identify the issues in each stage of the life cycle that require effective communication

Abusive relationship – Relationship – a set of expectations two people have for their behavior based on the pattern of interaction between them Good relationship – interactions are satisfying to and healthy for those involved Abusive relationship – interactions are physically, mentally, or emotionally harmful

Functions of Relationships Constitutive function – Relationships come about through interactions Instrumental function – Communication is a way to “get things done” in the relationship Indexical function – The “thermometer” of a relationship; measures who is in control, how much partners trust each other, and the level of intimacy in the relationship

How Relationships Differ Impersonal vs. Personal Voluntary vs. Involuntary Platonic vs. Romantic

Types of Relationships Acquaintances – people we know by name and talk with when the opportunity arises, but with whom our interactions are limited Friends – people with whom we have voluntarily negotiated more personal relationships Close friends or intimates – those with whom we share a deep commitment, trust, interdependence, disclosure, and affection

Class Activity In groups of 3-4, identify the different expectations you have for acquaintances, friends, “best friends,” and lovers What happens when two people have different expectations? How do you progress from one type of relationship to another? Do we sometimes have unrealistic expectations of people?

Gender Differences Women develop close friendships through: Talking Disclosing personal history Sharing personal feelings Joint activities Doing favors for each other Successive tests of dependability

Dimensions of Relationships Interdependence Depth Breadth Commitment Understanding and Predictability Communication Coding Sharing Social Networks As dimensions increase, relationships develop; as they decrease, relationships deteriorate.

Self-disclosure & Feedback: The Johari Window Known to self Not known to self Open Blind Known to others Secret Unknown Not known to others V / V, ch.3

The Role of Self-Disclosure Social Penetration Theory: Self-disclosure is integral to all stages of relationships, but changes over time. The nature and type of self-disclosure change as people become more intimate. When disclosure is reciprocated, the relationship becomes intimate.

Self-Disclosure Guidelines Disclose information that you want others to disclose to you. Disclose information appropriate for the type of relationship. Disclose intimate information only when it represents an acceptable risk. Be sensitive to your partner’s ability to absorb your disclosure. Reserve intimate or very personal disclosures for ongoing relationships. Continue intimate self-disclosure only when it is reciprocated.

Extra Credit Opportunity Do you have problems either disclosing personal information or providing your relationship partner with feedback? Write a communication improvement plan (for assistance see worksheet at www.oup.com/us/verderber ) and follow the Assignment Rubric

Relationship Life Cycles Relationships move through identifiable stages. Turning points: Events that mark a transition from one stage to another Lead to greater intimacy or to deterioration of relationship Happen at all stages in a relationship

Extra Credit Opportunity Observe and Analyze (p173) Select one long-term relationship, identify the turning points, indicate whether each was a positive event that strengthened the relationship or negative event that weakened relationship intimacy. Discuss these with the other person and describe the outcome.

Relationship Stages Beginning Developing Sustaining Declining

Beginning Relationships Communication focuses on: Increasing knowledge of the other Reducing uncertainty Increasing interaction Predicted Outcome Value Theory: We gather information to predict whether the benefits of future interactions will outweigh the costs. Stages of Beginning Relationships: Entry Personal Exit

Developing Relationships Increasing disclosure Keeping a relationship at a particular level of closeness or intimacy Frequent communication Emerging interdependence Interpersonal Needs Theory: Relationship depends on how well each person meets the interpersonal needs of the other. Affection Inclusion Control

Exchange Theory: Relationships understood in terms of exchange of rewards and costs during interactions Cost/Reward ratio Rewards – needs met Costs – time and energy spent developing relationship Relationships develop and are sustained when partners choose to meet each other’s needs.

Sustaining Relationships Use pro-social behaviors. Observe ceremonial occasions. Spend time together as a couple and with mutual friends. Communicate frequently. Words and actions reassure continuing affection, discretion, trustworthiness. Share tasks.

Relational Dialectics The conflicting pulls that exist in relationships as well as within each individual in a relationship Autonomy/Connection I need my own space. I want to be close. Openness/Closedness I like sharing so There are some things I don’t want to talk about. Novelty/Predictability We need to do I like the familiar rhythms we have.

Managing Dialectical Tensions: Temporal selection Topical segmentation Neutralization Reframing

Relationship Decline The communication in declining relationships is marked by three stages: Recognition of dissatisfaction Process of repairing or disengaging from relationship Ending Termination Strategies: Manipulation/Withdrawal/Avoidance Direct/Open/Honest Relationship Transformation