Tools, Attitude, Skills, Knowledge LISTENING Tools, Attitude, Skills, Knowledge

Characteristics of Groups Rules and Norms Roles Patterns of Interaction Decision-Making Methods Please sit with your group for today’s lecture and activity. We continue our topic of Listening. As we began the semester in the World of You, we have now moved into the World of You and Others. Listening is the first chapter where we consider how the way we interact with others can have an effect on our communication competence. As you get to know the members of your group, you will begin to observe some patterns of interaction based on each individual’s style. We will learn more about the concepts of rules and norms when we study Groups.

True or False? It is possible to listen without hearing. It is possible to hear without listening. You need to come up with three T/F Answers from your team:

True or False? In the parable about Rosemary, the character Lee used emotive language when he said that Rosemary would have to spend the night with him.

Big Ideas – Chapter 4 Listening requires effort Reasons for poor listening Faulty listening styles Listening skills and listening strategies

Communication Climates in Interpersonal Relationships The emotional tone of a relationship. A communication climate is determined by the degree to which people see themselves as valued. What do you think would be the benefit of studying Listening before we study Interpersonal Relationships? Communication is something we do WITH people, not TO them. Good communication involves dialogue that values individual styles and needs.

The role of dialogue and conflict styles Conflict & Mediation The role of dialogue and conflict styles Language is both an imprecise and powerful tool. Language coupled with good listening skills are key ingredients to improving the ways: you meet people, share a connection with others, develop relationships with others, Come to understandings with others, And resolve conflicts with others.

10 reasons for poor listening Effort – its hard to stay focused Message overload – too much at once Rapid thought – 600 wpm vs 140 wpm Psychological noise – personal concerns Physical noise – distractions (fatigue) Hearing problems – frustration Faulty Assumptions - “heard it all before” Talking has more advantages = > who interrupts more? Cultural Differences Media influences – MTV, sound bytes, radio, TV 10 reasons What is the common theme? Where are most of these activities occurring? Inside or outside of the poor listener? Which ones can the poor listener take responsibility for? Over which reasons does the poor listening have little or no control?

LISTENING What do good listeners look like? Verbally Nonverbally Listening is not a natural process. Listening requires effort (active not passive) All listeners do not receive the same message. We hear uniquely different messages Physiological factors, social roles, cultural background, personal interests, and needs.

Listening Stages Attending – paying attention. Mindfulness. Understanding/Interpreting Assigning meaning to messages PRINCIPLE: The greater the similarity between individuals, the greater the likelihood for more accurate understanding. PRINCIPLE: People understand best if they can relate what they are hearing to something they already know.

Listening Stages … continued PRINCIPLE: You understand best that which you also experience. Responding: Giving observable feedback to speaker Clarifying a message Care about what the speaker says Confirming understanding of a message Nonverbal responses Feedback – verbal responses Remembering

FAULTY LISTENING Yes you can go to the concert, but I want you to call me when you get there, and I want you to take out the trash before you go, and you need to be home before 11:00 p.m. I don’t think you understand what I’m saying. I heard you. I heard you say that you want me home by 11:00 p.m. I heard what you said. Here we go again with the trash! Uh huh. I heard exactly what you said.

Four Personal Listening Styles CONTENT ORIENTED: Focus on issues and arguments PEOPLE ORIENTED: Focus on feelings and emotions ACTION ORIENTED: Impatient and often finish speakers’ thoughts – tend to second guess TIME ORIENTED: Prefer bulleted talking points quickly and briefly.

THE PARABLE

The Players ROSEMARY HERNANDO SVEN LEE SEICCHI 21 year old woman Fiancé Boat Owner Acquaintance Someone who listens to Rosemary’s story

ROSEMARY, is a young woman about 21 years old ROSEMARY, is a young woman about 21 years old. For a long time she has been engaged to a young man named HERNANDO and she is coming from a great distance to meet him for their scheduled wedding. The problem she faces is that between her and her betrothed there lies a river. No ordinary river, mind you, but a deep wide river infested with huge crocodiles.

TEAM ASSIGNMENT Discuss the characters whose behavior you MOST APPROVE and LEAST APPROVE. Use active listening skills to reframe what your team mates said. Ask questions to clarify. Come up with a group consensus of the rank order choices.

LISTENING STRATEGIES Informational Emphatic Critically Details on White Board Critically

INFORMATIONAL LISTENING Don’t argue or judge prematurely Separate the message from the speaker Be opportunistic

INFORMATIONAL LISTENING Look for key ideas Ask questions Sincere questions Counterfeit questions

INFORMATIONAL LISTENING Counterfeit questions make statements carry hidden agendas

INFORMATIONAL LISTENING Counterfeit questions seek “correct” answers based on unchecked assumptions

INFORMATIONAL LISTENING Paraphrase Take notes Don’t wait too long before beginning to jot down ideas Record only key ideas Develop a note-taking format

CRITICAL LISTENING Listen for information before evaluating Evaluate the speaker’s credibility Is the speaker competent? Is the speaker impartial?

CRITICAL LISTENING Examine speaker’s evidence Examine emotional appeals Is the evidence recent enough? Is enough evidence presented?

CRITICAL LISTENING Examine emotional appeals Is the evidence from a reliable source? Can the evidence be interpreted in more than one way?

EMPATHIC LISTENING Advising Be confident that the advice is correct Ask yourself whether the person seeking your advice seems willing to accept it

EMPATHIC LISTENING Advising Be certain that the receiver won’t blame you if the advice doesn’t work out

EMPATHIC LISTENING Judging The person with the problem should have requested an evaluation from you Your judgment is genuinely constructive and not designed to be a put-down

EMPATHIC LISTENING Analyzing Offer your interpretation in a tentative way rather than as absolute fact Your analysis ought to have a reasonable chance of being correct

EMPATHIC LISTENING Analyzing You ought to be sure that the other person will be receptive to your analysis Be sure that your motive for offering an analysis is truly to help the other person

EMPATHIC LISTENING Questioning Don’t ask questions just to satisfy your own curiosity Be sure your questions won’t confuse or distract the person you’re trying to help

EMPATHIC LISTENING Questioning Don’t use questions to disguise your suggestions or criticisms

EMPATHIC LISTENING Supporting Make sure your expression of support is sincere Be sure the other person can accept your support

EMPATHIC LISTENING Prompting involves using silences and brief statements of encouragement to draw others out, and in so doing, helping them solve their own problems

EMPATHIC LISTENING Paraphrasing Is the problem complex enough? Do you have the necessary time and concern? Are you genuinely interested in helping the other person?

EMPATHIC LISTENING Paraphrasing Can you withhold judgment? Is your paraphrasing in proportion to other responses?

EMPATHIC LISTENING When and How to Help Think about the situation Think about the other person Think about yourself

seeking first to understand It’s really about seeking first to understand