I Love my Job- It’s the People I can’t Stand! Jody Urquhart 2013 GFOAz Winter Conference Prescott Resort Prescott, AZ

When stressed out people typically: Fight. This put up your dukes style of managing stress tends to funnel aggressive negative energy like blame and anger) on others. When stress happens these people react and fight back. Freeze. Some people are totally immobilized by stress. Clouded judgement and an inability to think clearly leave some people unable to respond- so they freeze up in fear. Flight. When stressful events occur, some people will do everything they can to abandon or leave the situation. They either pretend it didn't happen, joke or trivialize it. Adapt. This requires a responsive (versus reactive) stress management approach. Some resilient people are able to take a step back, de-personalize the stress and adapt to the stressful situation without fighting back or running away.

Who are you when you are at work?: Busy, Distracted Hard working, always doing stuff Intense Respectful, appreciative Fun, playful, spirited John Wesley said, “Catch yourself on fire with enthusiasm and people will come from miles to watch you burn.”

Mature- Plastic couch (Veterans, Silent Generation): Born ; 16% Baby Boomers: Born ; 26% Generation X (Xers): Born ; 22% Generation Y (Millennials, Echo Boomers): Born after 1981; 36%1 4 Generations in the Workforce

Qualities of baby boomers: Pay their dues Strong work ethic Make Personal Sacrifices Highly educated Value respect Loyal to company

Qualities of Gen X: (were Latch key kids, had Divorced parents and dual income families) Thus tend to: fend for themselves want to be creative do it on their own

Qualities of Gen Y: Fiercely independent Sense of Entitlement Rules and policy make them crazy Want to see immediate results Technology driven Want to be involved and need to know why Seek lots of appreciation and attention Less respect for authority/paying dues Multitask Flexible, Diverse, Expressive There life is just as important as their job

The best acknowledgment has 4 qualities: 1) immediate 2) specific 3) genuine 4) spontaneous

How we typically deal with conflict: 1) Avoid it 2) Pretend 3) Complain Which gets the best result? Which do you use with your… spouse, upper management, co- worker

4 Types of Conflict Facts Approach Goals Values

Silent Frustration: 10 Sources of Conflict & How to Speak Up 1.Incompatible goals or values 2.Withholding information 3.Lack of Communication- frequency, quantity, quality are all common sources of stress and disharmony. 4.Lack of Clarity over issues 5.Lack of Assertiveness 6.Power Plays- not all behaviors are helpful to relationships – like when one person tries to exert power over a situation 7.Habits - many people work with someone who has one or more habits they find undesirable (showing up late, missing deadlines, indirect communication) 8.Sense of entitlement 9.Expectations – judgments, inaccurate assumptions and unmet expectations are a major source of conflict 10.Personality differences

Inappropriate behaviors that help people get what they want at the expense of others: Gossip The Silent Treatment Withholding Information Passive Aggressiveness

Assertive communication is the ability to speak and interact in a manner that considers and respects the rights and opinions of others while also standing up for your own rights, needs and personal boundaries.

A better way! Steps to powerfully confront others: 1) State what’s bothering you Write it down at first Avoid Blame… Use “I” statements Use softening statements (i.e.- I know you have been busy or you may not realize this..)

Step Two- Ask for what you want –Could you call me when you have a dispute you want to discuss Step Three- Get Confirmation- Is that Ok? –Is that ok?

4 Behavioral Types: 1) Director Very fast paced and productive Works well under pressure Great at delegating Winning is important Challenges: May take on too much and get overwhelmed (and drop everything) Does not tend to balance appreciation with criticism- The only time they say “well done!” is when they order steak Tend to look over your shoulder Can be bad listeners (far too busy to listen)

2) Socializer Likes fun, excitement and recognition Can be very persuasive and have the gift of gab Tend to have a positive and sunny disposition Challenges: Not detail oriented Tends to jump into things without preparation (let’s just see what happens) May be disorganized and not get stuff done May exaggerate and leave out important details

3) Steady Relater Strives for stability and tries to blend into situations Likes close one- on- one relationship Loyal and reliable Great listeners Challenges: Tends to avoid conflict Feelings may get hurt easily Doesn’t like change

4) Cautious Thinker Likes order, accuracy and analysis Tend to be planners, very systematic and intellectual Highly detail oriented and rational Challenges: May procrastinate Take a long time to make decisions because they need so much research Can be a Perfectionist – Tasks need to be done right or they won’t do it at all Can be very critical and pessimistic in nature

If you created a work team with all 4 personality types, how would they solve a problem?

The Director- Would quickly create and delegate his plan to others The Socializer- Would want to express his opinion, discuss and get agreement The Relater- Would need for the group to bond first and would not want to rock the boat or make any abrupt changes The Thinker- Would need proper data, time and analysis to think this through