AND YET, ANOTHER REVISION! Please take out two pieces of loose leaf paper. THAT’S it. Nothing else should be on your desk. Close your eyes. Brainstorm answers to these questions about the moment/experience you chose to write about: Think about objects you can see Think about colors you remember Think about sounds you associate with this memory Think about smells/scents you associate with this memory Think about tastes you associate with this memory Did you touch anything? Did anything have a memorable feeling?

IMAGERY NOW, don’t use the “sense” word. The salsa tasted spicy. = The salsa’s jalapenos forced my taste buds to stand at attention. I heard birds. = The birds’ melodious sounds begged me to relax and enjoy my surroundings. I smelled burnt rubber. = Burnt rubber wafted into the interior of the car, gagging me and forcing me to find refuge elsewhere.

2 ND SHEET OF PAPER Make a T-Chart on each side of the paper. On one side of the paper, list names of all people in your story. On second side of the paper, list all settings found in your story.

DESCRIPTION OF CHARACTERS Four Ways to Reveal Character: Action : You know the cliché: Actions speak louder than words. A character’s personality comes through in the way she handles the next-door neighbor who leaves his garbage outside his apartment until someone else takes it out or the ways a character spends her Tuesday nights. Speech : What people say, how they say it, and what they don’t say are all very illuminating. If you want to get to know someone, what do you do? You talk to them. Appearance : You can draw conclusions about a person from physical looks, clothing style, gait, and facial expression. Select one or two things about him/her and describe him/her like a cartoonist would. How do his hands look? How does her mouth work when she smiles or talks? What about hair, eyes, clothes? Thoughts: Unlike any other medium, writing gives us the ability to see into someone’s head. You can write about what someone did all day long, but when you write about what they think and what they feel, you allow your reader to get closer to that person than they are able to anywhere else.

DESCRIPTION OF SETTING Setting The best way to revise setting is by adding detail/imagery “As my mother drove down the streets of Santa Ana…” NOTE: The writer stated the specific city. Better yet—add the street name! REVISION: As my mother turned onto Beachfront Avenue on the south side of Santa Ana…. “It was a beautiful August morning …” NOTE: The writer stated the specific month. Better yet—add the time! REVISION: Shortly after the sun rose on one August morning…. YOUR TURN! Look for NOUNS in your story. You can usually replace a common noun with something more detailed (street=Beachfront Avenue)

REVISION GOAL: SIMILES “When we arrived at the warehouse, I had to peel my arm off the side of the hot door like a burnt sausage off a skillet.” “The street was like a market place that had suddenly been abandoned.” “The beet red cheeks of this old man’s face mocked me as he effortlessly slithered over to my desk and presented the “D” as if I had just won a prize for being the most talented student around.” “I would have given anything for the power to soothe her frail soul, tormenting itself in its invincible ignorance like a small bird beating about the cruel wires of a cage.” “Elderly American ladies leaning on their canes listed toward me like towers of Pisa.” “I wandered lonely as a cloud that floats on high o’er vales and hills.”

REVISION GOAL: METAPHORS METAPHOR REVISION: The following metaphors describe people or settings. “Wild beasts of prey” “A great tidal wave of men” “As we walked up the boiling pavement” Think about the five senses to create a metaphor: See, smell, taste, touch, hear. “A web of singed cotton and burnt flesh took its place on what was left of my leg.” “The sun’s rays were a constant heating lamp, charring my skin, working overtime beyond the goal of keeping me warm.”