Are You a

Some students may ask themselves whether they have tendency of perfectionism or are perfectionists. A person who is a perfectionist or tendency of perfectionism has the following characteristics more or less. There are five characteristics of a perfectionist including: behaviourthoughtsfeelings self-esteem interpersonal relationship

Behaviour Detailed- oriented Demanding Blaming such as laziness Putting unrealistic expectations on himself/herself or/and others Being inflexibleDoing 100 Catching up with orderiness Being distrustful Lacking creativity Suppressing emotions Being ruled by head Emphasizing on principles, rules or regulations Perfectionist?

Thoughts Tyranny of the ought such as should/should not, must/must not Black or white, good or bad without grey areas Doing 100

Feelings StressfulAnxiousFrustrated Angry at himself or her self Guilty Fear of making mistakes, fear of out of control Sad

Self-esteem Having very fragile and low self- esteem Self-doubt Self- depreciated Chasing “super self”

Interpersonal Relationship Wearing mask in the interpersonal relationship Fearing to show “true self”

There are two reasons for being a perfectionist. The first reason is macro. In a highly competitive society, people demand themselves to pursue not only excellent but also perfect performance. Besides, a perfectionist is affected by his/her family of origin such as critical parenting and unrealistic parental expectations with conditional love.

To challenge “poisonous thoughts” such as being perfect, chasing 100 or losing everything if you are not perfect”. To build up “healthy thoughts” such as learning to be reasonable, being good enough is OK or being flexible is OK. To enhance analytical skills. To analyze or give reasons based on objective reality rather than principles, rules or tyranny of the ought. A perfectionist often lives with frustrations and failure. The following practical suggestions are tailor-made for a perfectionist: Remember that change takes time. In the process of change, a perfectionist needs accept himself/herself. He or she lives with limitations with creating more fun in the life.