“If there is righteousness in the heart, There will be beauty in the character. If there is beauty in the character, There will be harmony in the home, If there is harmony in the home, There will be order in the nation, If there is order in the nation, There will be peace in the world.” (Chinese proverb)

Today’s Family Tree Gary Sarvel, Indianapolis News, Aug. 19, 1983

Why Marriages Fail Sexual Incompatibility Religious Discord Irreconcilable Differences Financial Irresponsibility Alcoholism Religious Discord In-Law Interference Infidelity Immaturity

Why Marriages Fail, Really

Poor Choices

Questions For Couples “Do you both have a scriptural right to be married to one another?” “Does your prospective mate have most of the qualities that you desire in a mate?” “Are you compatible with one another?”

Questions For Couples “Do you both believe in the permanence of marriage?” “Do you know the difference between true love and infatuation?” “Do you both have similar attitudes toward children and child-raising?”

Questions For Couples “Do you have similar attitudes toward work?” “Do you have similar attitudes toward money and finances?” “Do you have similar family backgrounds?”

Questions For Couples “Do you come from a similar soci- economic level?” “Do you have similar intellectual abilities and educational backgrounds?” “What kind of relationship will you have with your in-laws?”

Questions For Couples “Do you have very similar religious beliefs and convictions?” “Is your prospective mate a person of principle and character?” “Is this person your best friend?”

Advice For Couples Don’t date someone you wouldn’t consider marrying Don’t think you’ll change the other person Take your time Fall in love with a Christian Pray for God’s help

If You Marry Outside Your Faith “Protestants”: 6.8% were separated “Catholics”: 6.4% were separated Mixed religious background: 15.2% were separated No religious affiliation: 16.7% were separated (Maryland Study with 12,000 young people)

Pick A Mate Who respects God’s word Who has spiritual goals and values Who can adjust and compromise Who willingly corrects major flaws Who shows signs of maturity Who can and will communicate

Pick A Mate Who can offer more than physical attractiveness Who knows the difference between sex and love Who is a good friend Who views marriage as permanent (L. A. Stauffer, Family Life: A Biblical Perspective, pp. 90-94)

A Careful Choice Sexual Incompatibility Religious Discord Irreconcilable Differences Financial Irresponsibility Alcoholism Religious Discord In-Law Interference Infidelity Immaturity

Half-Hearted Commitment HERMAN “You’re supposed to say ‘I do’ not ‘I’ll try.’”

God Demands Total Commitment Marriage is a permanent relationship Divorce is sinful Remarriage is adultery

Whole-Hearted Commitment Sexual Incompatibility Irreconcilable Differences Financial Irresponsibility Alcoholism Religious Discord In-Law Interference Infidelity Immaturity

Inadequate Communication

Keys To Communication Create a conducive atmosphere for communication Learn to be a good listener Think about not only what you say but how you say it

Keys To Communication Set aside some time every day to talk Communicate your love and affection for one another Speak your mate’s language

Effective Communication Sexual Incompatibility Irreconcilable Differences Financial Irresponsibility Alcoholism Religious Discord In-Law Interference Infidelity Immaturity

Insufficient Cooperation

Longfellow’s Hiawatha “As unto the bow the cord is, So unto man is woman; Though she bends him she obeys him, Though she draws him, yet she follows, Useless each without the other!” (Henry W. Longfellow, Hiawatha, Pt. X, l. 1-5)

Areas For Cooperation The roles of headship and submission The roles of breadwinner and homemaker The sexual relationship

Mutual Cooperation Sexual Incompatibility Religious Discord Irreconcilable Differences Financial Irresponsibility Alcoholism Religious Discord In-Law Interference Infidelity Immaturity

Little Consideration THE LOCKHORNS By Bill Hoest “I told you that I loved you twenty years ago. Have you forgotten already?

Inconsideration Complaining & criticism Nagging Thoughtlessness Unfair comparisons Unrealistic expectations Unkindness

Consideration Interest Appreciation Kindness Patience Tolerance The Golden Rule

Husbands Love Nourish Cherish Know Honor

Wives… Submit Fear Love Be kind

Care & Concern Sexual Incompatibility Religious Discord Irreconcilable Differences Financial Irresponsibility Alcoholism Religious Discord In-Law Interference Infidelity Immaturity

Unresolved Conflicts

Resolving Conflicts Sexual Incompatibility Religious Discord Irreconcilable Differences Financial Irresponsibility Alcoholism Religious Discord In-Law Interference Infidelity Immaturity

“I think I liked it better when you never took me anywhere.” Discontentment THE LOCKHORNS By Bill Hoest “I think I liked it better when you never took me anywhere.”

Contentment Sexual Incompatibility Religious Discord Irreconcilable Differences Financial Irresponsibility Alcoholism Religious Discord In-Law Interference Infidelity Immaturity

Complacent Co-existence

Sharing & Caring Sexual Incompatibility Religious Discord Irreconcilable Differences Financial Irresponsibility Alcoholism Religious Discord In-Law Interference Infidelity Immaturity

Why Marriages Fail, Really Poor Choices Half-Hearted Commitment Inadequate Communication Insufficient Cooperation Little Consideration Unresolved Conflicts Discontentment Complacent Co- existence

Discontentment

“A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers”