Positive Discipline & Guidance The keys to well-behaved children.

Tough Love vs. Spanking Most of America’s population thinks it is improper to spank children. I recently heard from a friend who has tried other methods to control their kids when they have one of “those moments”. One that she found very effective was to just take the child for a car ride and talk. They usually calmed down and stopped misbehaving after their little outing together. Here is the photo of one of those sessions with my friend’s son in case you would like to try this technique.

Tough Love Session                                                                                                                                           

Spanking? *__________________________________* Spanking is effective I don’t believe in spanking Mark where you stand on the above line and list reasons for your stance on this issue.

WHAT ABOUT SPANKING? It is a poor form of discipline and it does not work. Although it sometimes changes the behavior for a short time, it does little to change the long-term behavior It often creates feelings of hatred, revenge, and resentment rather than self-discipline It teaches that violence and aggression are the ways to deal with life It gives the child the message that if you are bigger, it is OK to hit someone smaller or that being physical (hitting) is the way to deal with problems. It escalates. If you spank for little things when children are young, you have to spank harder for more serious problems when they are older. What do you do when the kids get bigger than you? Spanking does not teach what you want them to do, only what you want them not to do. It can lead to child abuse. More than a couple of swats or a swat that leaves a mark can be abuse. It is a physical assault on a child.

Punishment A penalty for a wrong doing. Severe treatment. Use as a last resort Forces child to obey. Child learns to obey out of fear. Child Learns: RESENTMENT REVENGE RETREAT Low self esteem Sneaky

Discipline To bring to order through teaching & training. Fair & consistent. Child learns to obey and be responsible for their actions. Self-control is the goal. Use as often as needed, variety of methods.

Guidance To give advice, counsel or help. Child learns what is expected of them. Learn by example. A parent’s daily job!!

SELF-DISCIPLINE The ability to control one’s own behavior. The goal of guidance and discipline

Reasons for Misbehavior Normal for the age. Natural curiosity. Don’t know better. For attention. Unfulfilled needs For power. For revenge. Feel inadequate. To feel they belong. Environment A misbehaving child is a discouraged child. Why?

MISBEHAVIOR: Is based on a child’s mistaken interpretation of how to find BELONGING & SIGNIFICANCE! Most common reasons for why children misbehave

Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make a child do better, first we have to make them feel worse? Children do better when they feel better!

Solution to All Misbehavior: Spend special time With the child each Day! ALSO>>>>>>> Believe that children are GOOD! Share your feelings Find a solution together Correct Timing - calm down Get into the child’s world show understanding Children will listen to you after they feel listened to.

Solution to Attention Problems: Ignore if possible Give attention when good Redirect Logical consequences Choices

Solution to Power Problems: Withdraw Cool off, Problem solve together Win cooperation Act

4 Steps for Winning Cooperation: Get into child’s world Check it out Show understanding Share your feelings Find a solution together

Solution to Revenge Problems: Withdraw from revenge cycle Win child over Solve the problem Take away items they could destroy Apologize if needed

Solution to Inadequacy Problems: Avoid pity Encourage & train Create small successes Don’t give up

Why is this child misbehaving? Write the reason for their misbehavior Jane, 3 year old, goes into Mom’s bedroom and uses lipstick to draw on Mom’s bedspread. Mom asks David (5) to set the table and he yells, “I don’t want to” Mary is building a tower and soon begins throwing them in anger.

Types of Parenting Styles and Outcomes Most parent can be classified into three main types by the style in which they guide their children. As you look at each, think about where your own parents fits most appropriately. Do each of your parents use the same style? Do you fit the outcome?

Authoritarian: Limits without Freedom. Parents’ word is law, parents have absolute control. Misconduct is punished Affection and praise are rarely give Parents try to control children's’ behavior and attitudes They value unquestioned obedience Children are told what to do, how to do it, and where to do it, and when to do it.

Outcomes of Authoritarian Style Obedient Distrustful Discontent Withdrawn Unhappy Hostile Not High Achievers Often Rebel Children from authoritarian homes are so strictly controlled, either by punishment or guilt, that they are often prevented from making a conscious choice about particular behavior because they are overly concerned about what their parents will do.

Permissive: Freedom without limits. Parents allow their children to do their own thing. Little respect for order and routine. Parents make few demands on children. Impatience is hidden. Discipline is lax Parents are resources rather than standard makers Rarely punish Non controlling, non-demanding Usually warm Children walk all over the parents

Outcome of Permissive Parenting Aggressive Least self—reliant Least self-controlled Least exploratory Most unhappy Children from permissive homes receive so little guidance that they often become uncertain and anxious about whether they are doing the right thing.

Democratic: Freedom within limits. Stress freedom along with rights of others and responsibilities of all Parents set limits and enforce rules Willing to listen receptively to child’s requests and questions. Gives both love and limit to children Children contribute to discussion of issues and make some of their own decisions Exert firm control when necessary, but explain reasoning behind it. Respect children’s interest, opinions, unique personalities. Loving, consistent, demanding Combine control with encouragement Reasonable expectations and realistic standards.

Outcomes of Democratic Style Happy Mostly self-reliant Mostly self-controlled Content, friendly, generous Cooperative High-achiever’ Less likely to be seriously disruptive or delinquent Children whose parents expect them to perform well, to fulfill commitments, and to participate actively in family duties, as well as family fun, learn how to formulate goals. They also experience the satisfaction that comes from meeting responsibilities and achieving success.

Click to listen to the song MOM SONG Click to listen to the song

Discipline Techniques Each child is different and different things will work for each child.

Positive Statements Telling a child what they CAN do, rather than what they CAN’T do. Instructions are more clear. Children feel good. Works for: all ages! “Please walk” instead of “Don’t run”

Practice – Positive Statements What would you say? Don’t hit your sister again! Don’t forget your lunch! Don’t slam the door! Don’t climb up the slide! Don’t listen to that kind of music!

Redirect Attention If a child is doing something you do not want them to do….give them something else to do. Distract them with another option Works for: young children 6 months to 10 years                                                             

Reverse Attention Ignore inappropriate behavior and deal with problem when child is no longer seeking attention. Only works if child is trying to get attention. Works for: older children ages 7-18.

Time Out Gives children an opportunity to re-gain control of their emotions. One minute for each year. Quiet spot, tell them why they are there, re-state the rule, have them apologize at end. Works for: young children ages 2 – 9.

Loss of Privilege Remove a privilege if behavior is inappropriate. Lots of different privileges can be removed. Be consistent! Follow through. Threats are no good…stick to it. Works for: older children ages 5 – 18.

Setting Limits Children need limits on their behavior. They want to know what is acceptable and allowed. Rules should be fair, consistently enforced and help children learn responsibility and self-control Works for: all ages!

Limited Choices 2 or 3 options. Gives child a sense of power and control. Offer only real possibilities. Can help reduce temper tantrums. Works for: 2 and up.                                                                                         

Natural & Logical Consequences Things that naturally happen without parental interference. Logical: 4 rules to follow Related to misbehavior Not done in anger Short duration Unpleasant Works for:older children ages 7 - 18

Write a natural and logical consequence for each misbehavior. 2 children fight over whose turn it is to play video games. A child is not ready for school on time. A child does not come home on time from a friends house for dinner.

Make sure the message of LOVE always gets through:

CLASSROOM DISCIPLINE: Have rules and remind them often KEEP RULES SHORT & SIMPLE Be nice to teacher and classmates Raise hand to speak Walk in halls

DISCIPLINE STEPS: Redirect Check it out Speak to the child about the problem Give choices Use logical or natural consequences Use time out if still out of control

CLASSROOM DISCIPLINE cont’d Sometimes it helps to whisper to the child Resist giving attention to the disruptor “Someone is disturbing the class” Move closer, place hand on shoulder Involve them Talk privately “What can I do to get your help?”

FORBIDDEN DISCIPLINE ACTIONS: SPANKING SLAPPING HITTING SHAKING PULLING PINCHING NO TEASING NO HUMILIATION NO INSULTS NO THREATENING NO FRIGHTENING NO LAUGHING AT Confirmed incidents will be grounds for immediate dismissal from a childcare job.

ALWAYS REMEMBER: MISTAKES R WUNDERFULL OPPERTUNITEEZ 2 LERN! Recognize your mistake Reconcile “I’m sorry” Resolve: Focus on solutions rather than blame.

Appropriate Behavior Child Care Management Techniques (as found in the state test guide) If one area of the classroom creates physical aggression try changing the room arrangement Locate a child with a short attention span next to the teacher Invite and gently take the child’s hand and walk when a child will not come out of an area Give children the opportunity to make limited choices Give positive reinforcement when a child tells the truth

Explain/how to use toys appropriately and redirect with appropriate items Call attention to a child that is participating correctly Give a time limit when they need to change when a child doesn’t want to take turns Put away the distracting influence and involve him/her in helping with the activity when a child does not seem to be paying attention Minimize blame, have child clean up, assist as needed when children not cleaning up

MORE REMINDERS: Cleaning up can be made into a game encourages a good attitude toward work by having the children help Remind them of rules and encourage problem solving when children are arguing Giving a few minutes warning helps children get ready to come inside Tell them to use their inside voices (positive statement) when a child is squealing, yelling shouting Try using a positive statement to correct disruptive behavior (i.e. tell the child “you shared something now you need to listen”) Have child who has distracting toys put them away Stop and ask all the children to return to their places; children ease their way from their places

Acknowledge and bring them back t the activity when a child interrupts with personal stories, etc. Calmly keep the child from running away, hold him/her if the child runs away from you Tell child you will listen to her when she can talk in a calm voice if they are whining, crying, etc. Remove the child from the environment if the child is aggressive, fighting, etc. Ignore temper tantrums if the behavior is for attention and no one is in danger of harm Explain that tantrums are not acceptable

ASSIGNMENT: Complete the positive guidance practice sheet about ANNIE AND THE TERRIBLE, NO GOOD, VERY BAD WEEK.

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