Disappointing Messages 1.Should not be direct 2.Should not give the bad news first 3.Can be potentially goodwill-killing

Disappointing Messages 4.When giving a satisfactory refusal give good reasons. A.Show that some of your reasons are beneficial to the other person. B.Give justifying reasons C.Do not give excuses

Disappointing Messages §If you give the refusal first, you will disappoint and maybe anger the person §An angry person is not a logical person §If you make the psychological mistake of first saying “NO” and then explaining, the emotional upset from your “NO” will prevent the other person from listening reasonably

Disappointing Messages §Good reasons are dictated by facts, fairness, sound business judgement, or even prior agreement §To be effective, you have to explain some facts, circumstances, or unreasonableness of which the reader is unaware

Disappointing Messages §Start pleasant and positively and give justifying reasons before a refusal, then your logical reasons fall on a logical mind §The reasons which caused you to feel justified in refusing can convince the other person that you are justified. You show the justice of it!

Disappointing Messages Theme: Explain before Refusing When you take something away from or deny someone something- 1.You give a reason 2.You give something else to compensate for loss when you can 3.You try to extend some gesture of friendliness

Disappointing Messages The desired pattern for refusal is: 1.A buffer beginning 2.A review of the facts 3.The refusal itself, subordinated 4.An off-the-subject ending (sub 3 & 4 with-A counterproposal which implies the refusal.)

Disappointing Messages The buffer (first paragraph) 1.Begin with something from the situation that both of you can agree on Two reasons for a buffer: 1.To suggest that they are reasonable persons who can see two sides of the question, and 2.To set the stage for a review of the facts in the case

Disappointing Messages A good buffer will be: 1.Pleasant, usually agreeing with something the other person has said 2.Relevant, thus quickly showing the subject. 3.Equivocal, avoiding any implication that the answer is yes or no 4.Transitional, carefully worded for a natural movement into the explanation

Disappointing Messages Six warnings about buffers: 1.Give reasons rather than apologies 2. Never apologize in the beginning 3.Apologies are not substitutes for action or explanation

Disappointing Messages 4.If you give good reasons, you have no cause to apologize 5.Avoid flashy attention getting devices 6.Use the buffer to establish a controlled approach to the topic

Disappointing Messages §We are sorry but we cannot… §We cannot understand why you would think… §Your request for…is totally out of line. §Thank you for writing about… §We appreciate your interest in… §Your request for…caused me to do some thinking.

Disappointing Messages Do not use these negative phrases: will not cannot are unable to do not have

Disappointing Messages §Give reasons emphasize those reasons which reflect benefits to the reader §Stressing reader benefit is important, but cannot be used every time

Disappointing Messages Use limiting words like- only solely exclusively confine to concentrate on (With these words no doubt remains)

Disappointing Messages “I have to refuse your request” or “I hope you will understand our position” Both of these are very weak sounding!

Disappointing Messages §Give a positive refusal §Your explanation and reasons justify refusing the turndown §Hope the reader will accept without ill feeling

Disappointing Messages §Make the refusal clear, but not brutally negative. It need not be negative at all §Embed the bad news--give reasons after refusal Establish the idea of what you are not doing by a statement of what you are doing.

Disappointing Messages §Give the refusal a minimum of space and time §When possible, you may be able to make the refusal clear by implication §Do not stress the refusal §Letter ending should be hopeful and pleasant

Disappointing Messages §End your letter with a friendly gesture §Demonstrate your desire to retain the friend/customer relationship Examples: Good wishes for the success of the project, suggestion of other sources, suggestion of being helpful in other ways, sending something other than what the reader has requested

Disappointing Messages Do not use negative phrasing or apologies. Such as: “I regret my inability to do as you asked,” “I am sorry…”

Disappointing Messages Do not use these false apologetic phrases 1.We humbly regret that… 2.Please forgive the necessity to… 3.We beg your forgiveness for… 4.We are so sorry that… 5.We offer our humblest apologies for having to...