Psychology 137C: Intimate Relationships Week 7, Lecture 2: Processing Information REMINDERS: The papers are due next Wednesday. The papers are due next Wednesday. They must be turned in as a printed out paper and presented here in class – no attachments or drop-offs to mailboxes will be accepted. They must be turned in as a printed out paper and presented here in class – no attachments or drop-offs to mailboxes will be accepted.

The Importance of Making Meaning If behaviors are ambiguous, then we are always making meaning, all of the time. If behaviors are ambiguous, then we are always making meaning, all of the time. Global vs. specific Global vs. specific Interpreting means linking a specific experience to a particular global meaning. Interpreting means linking a specific experience to a particular global meaning. We often have some choice in how we do this. We often have some choice in how we do this.

Example Global Meaning Specific Meaning Concrete Behavior She seems cold and distant She must have had a bad day. Gosh, I love that hard- working woman! She does not care about me! Boy, I am sick of this empty relationship.

Another Example Eventual Meaning Initial Meaning Concrete Behavior He does not talk much. He is a brooding, sensual hunk of man. He is an oblivious, withdrawn brute.

Implications for Us? Any given experience could take on varying meanings. Any given experience could take on varying meanings. These meanings matter, because our emotions and actions are often guided by the meanings we infer. These meanings matter, because our emotions and actions are often guided by the meanings we infer. The specific meaning we impose may depend on our motives in the moment. The specific meaning we impose may depend on our motives in the moment.

The Motive to Believe the Best We want to be confident in our relationships and not harbor doubts about them. We want to be confident in our relationships and not harbor doubts about them. The enhancement bias serves this function. The enhancement bias serves this function. We prefer information that supports and strengthens positive beliefs about a partner and a relationship. We prefer information that supports and strengthens positive beliefs about a partner and a relationship. In fact, happy partners view … In fact, happy partners view … Their partners more favorably than they do Their partners more favorably than they do Their partners more favorably than their friends do Their partners more favorably than their friends do Their relationships more favorably than others’ relationships Their relationships more favorably than others’ relationships

The Motive to Be Known We do not want to be surprised, and we do not want to disappoint. We do not want to be surprised, and we do not want to disappoint. The verification bias. The verification bias. There are times when accurate information about the partner is highly desirable. Transition points in relationships prompt searches for such information. There are times when accurate information about the partner is highly desirable. Transition points in relationships prompt searches for such information. The diagnosticity bias The diagnosticity bias More problems for depressed people. More problems for depressed people.

The Motive to Be Right We look out for ourselves in relationships, and we are motivated to protect our interests. We look out for ourselves in relationships, and we are motivated to protect our interests. The self-serving bias. The self-serving bias. This is especially true when the relationship is not going well. This is especially true when the relationship is not going well. If there is conflict you cannot ignore, whose fault is it? If there is conflict you cannot ignore, whose fault is it? The role of differing perspectives The role of differing perspectives The need to be right favors the self over the relationship. The need to be right favors the self over the relationship.

Mechanisms of Motivated Reasoning Plan A: Keep negative information out of awareness. Selective Attention Selective Attention Empathic Accuracy Empathic Accuracy Memory Bias Memory Bias

Memory Bias. Karney & Frye, 2002.

Mechanisms of Motivated Reasoning Plan B: Minimize negative information. Flexible standards Flexible standards Derogating alternatives Derogating alternatives Adaptive attributions Adaptive attributions

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“Everyone has dysfunction in their families. You don’t walk away if you love someone. You help the person.” “Everyone has dysfunction in their families. You don’t walk away if you love someone. You help the person.” He is “a very, very good man.” He is “a very, very good man.” “We did have a very good stretch, years and years of nothing” following G. Flowers. “We did have a very good stretch, years and years of nothing” following G. Flowers. “In Christian theology there are sins of weakness and sins of malice, and this was a sin of weakness.” “In Christian theology there are sins of weakness and sins of malice, and this was a sin of weakness.”

So How do Relationships Ever Change? The limits of ability The limits of ability The negative experiences do not disappear The negative experiences do not disappear Some things cannot or should not be explained away Some things cannot or should not be explained away You cannot just think yourself a good relationship You cannot just think yourself a good relationship The limits of motivation The limits of motivation Some people need to do this more than others Some people need to do this more than others The role of dependence The role of dependence Commitment calibration Commitment calibration

In unhappy relationships, what once helped now hurts Negative perceptions dominate… Negative perceptions dominate… We attend more to the partner’s negative actions. We attend more to the partner’s negative actions. We recall more negative experiences. We recall more negative experiences. … and we process them in less adaptive ways: … and we process them in less adaptive ways: Our perceptions become rigid. Our perceptions become rigid. Other relationships look better than ours. Other relationships look better than ours. Our alternatives look better. Our alternatives look better. Our attributions flip. Our attributions flip.