Emotional Intelligence in the Paralympic Community Alicia Mandel Carlee Wolfe

Today’s Discussion What is emotional intelligence and why is it important in sport How can we recognize and understand the five competencies that raise an individual’s emotional intelligence How can you regulate emotional intelligence for yourself How can you integrate principles of emotional intelligence in your clubs, camps or organization

What is Emotional Intelligence? It is the ability to… Recognize, understand and manage what you are feeling Use your feelings to positively impact and motivate others Engage with others based on their feelings and emotions so that you develop a more positive relationship which in turns creates better communication, influence and social skills in general. Does this mean that some people are emotionally Incompetent? No. Emotional Competence includes an array of knowledge and skills that we develop through our life experiences; however, they are learnable skills that can be developed and mastered through focused effort. In a way, the development of Emotional Competence can be compared to a muscle-building program. Think of this session as the internal exercises whose purpose is to help you strengthen, learn control and then maintain your ‘emotional muscle’.

DID YOU KNOW…? In general: In sport: At work: Out of 181 competence models studied, 67% of the abilities deemed essential for effective performance were emotional competencies In sport: As coaches our athletes look up to us and emulate the behaviors we demonstrate We need to be able to remain emotionally competent when communicating with parents, athletes, partners, etc. At work: Compared to IQ and technical expertise, emotional competence mattered twice as much The importance of emotional competence increases, the higher up you go in an organization How will this make a difference in your personal and professional life? Emotional Competence can have a positive impact by helping you become more aware of the ways that feelings affect how you think about yourself and how you choose to act. The better you understand your own emotions, the better you’ll understand the emotions of others – family, friends, work colleagues and customers. Making a commitment to improve the ways you take care of yourself will result in better health, enhanced effectiveness, increased confidence and greater satisfaction with your life.

Bobby Knight John Wooden Who have been memorable influences in your life – both positive and negative

Emotional Intelligence: Five Key Areas EQ Self Awareness Motivation Interpersonal skills Empathy Self Regulation The 5 Areas of Emotional Intelligence: 1. Self Awareness: Knowing what you are feeling and using your gut sense to make decisions. 2. Self Regulation: Controlling impulses, soothing anxiety, managing anger that is inappropriate. 3. Motivation: Hope, persistence, and optimism in the face of setbacks. 4. Empathy: Reading and responding to unspoken emotions of others Social Skills: Managing emotions in relationships

EQ Self Awareness Empathy Self Regulation Motivation Interpersonal skills Empathy Self Regulation “What is striking, as many CEOs told us, is that they usually know there is a problem; their inner voice is telling them, but they suppress it…As one CEO says, ‘it was staring me right in the face, but I refused to see it’”. – Fortune Magazine “Why CEO’s Fail” The capacity to continuously pay attention to your own inner state or experience. By developing an enhanced capacity to be open to, aware of, and receptive to the information that is constantly available to us through all of our senses, we can select our actions with deeper wisdom. Gut Feelings: Leaders and business people are almost trained not to listen to their intuition/gut feelings. Data, information, analysis can sometimes blur the lines between what “should be the right thing” with what your heart/gut tells you is the right thing. Has anyone either taken a job, or hired someone that looked great on paper but didn’t work out in the end? If you took the resume away and listened to your gut, were you really surprised at the outcome?

Self Awareness Knowing one’s internal states, preferences, resources, & intuitions: Accurate self assessment Emotional awareness Self confidence Accurate self assessment: A candid sense of our personal strengths and limitations, a clear vision of where we need to improve and the ability to learn from experience Emotional awareness: The recognition of how our emotions affect our performance, and the ability to use our values to guide decision making. Self confidence: The courage that comes from certainty about our capabilities, values and goals.

Exercise On a sheet of paper draw the following… Who are you? Example: mother sister, athlete, boss How would you describe yourself? Example: loyal, caring, happy Who are your key constitutes? Example: boss, husband, children, friends How would they describe you? Example: busy, caring, overwhelmed

Share with a Neighbor… What did you discover about yourself? How does emotional intelligence play a role in who you are and how others view you? How do you think perceptions are formed? What can you do to change those perceptions, if anything based on what we learned today?

Questions How is self confidence portrayed in this movie? Why is that important? Did you recognize any emotional awareness? Do you think that impacted the interviewers ability to get the job? Where did self assessment play a role?

EQ Self Regulation Empathy Self Awareness Motivation Interpersonal skills Empathy Self Regulation

Self Regulation Managing one’s own internal states, impulses and resources: Self Control Trustworthiness Conscientiousness Adaptability Innovation Self Control Keeping disruptive emotions and impulses in check Trustworthiness Maintaining standards of honesty and integrity Conscientiousness Taking responsibility for personal performance Adaptability Flexibility in handling change Innovation Being comfortable with new ideas, approaches and information

When we understand our triggers, we can behave differently... think feel act

Self Regulation In sport, it is not merely enough to recognize a problem – you must be able to make a correction to solve the problem How do you correct yourself when you realize you are acting out of emotion? How do you reframe your mindset in working with or responding to your athletes/parents/coaches How do you remind yourself to stay focused on the goal and not get caught up in the distractions?

Self Talk What is Self Talk? When do you find yourself “talking to yourself?” What percentage of self-talk do you think is negative? Positive? We believe what we say to ourselves. Therefore, we need to increase our awareness of these beliefs to more accurately evaluate events and ambiguous information. All of our assumptions and beliefs about ourselves and the people in our lives. These thoughts, or what we say to ourselves, have a strong influence over our actions. Self talk is generally triggered by an event. The event doesn’t cause us to act in a certain way, it is our interpretation of the event and our feelings that do. “Leading behavioral researchers have told us that as much as 75% of everything we think is negative, counterproductive and works against us” – Shad Helmstetter, What to Say When You Talk to Yourself We believe what we say to ourselves. Therefore, we need to increase our awareness of these beliefs to more accurately evaluate events and ambiguous information.

Exercise: Self Talk Identify one or more situations (events) which are currently a challenge for you, situations that generate negative self-talk. Use your note pad to reflect on your self-talk, the feelings you associate with the situation, and your typical actions or behaviors. Also, add the results of your actions or behaviors.

So, what do we do about it? Reframing Self Talk We can take responsibility to manage how we respond to situations by consciously modifying the messages we give ourselves. Developing more positive self-talk leads toward enhanced performance, more satisfactory relationships and less internal conflict. Reframing (changing or restructuring) self talk allows us to evaluate and challenge whether our self talk and believes about ourselves represent an accurate reflection of the circumstances. Reframing asks us to take responsibility for seeing the situation from a different perspective.

Reframing Self-Talk Disputing Self Talk What are the facts? Are any of these facts not consistent with or contradictory to my self-talk? Discovering Turnarounds How else might I view the situation? How might a specific person I respect view the situation? Does their perspective make real sense for me? Remember the story of Mark, the 56 year old man who is afraid to eat any round food? How could he reframe his self-talk? Jot down some possible disputes and turnarounds: Disputes: Turnarounds:

Exercise: Reframing Your Self Talk Select one of the situations that you analyzed in the last exercise Identify some disputes and turnarounds for the situation Write a new script defining how you plan to handle the same situation in the future. Use the same chart, only this time you should have better results Now, the next time you find yourself in this situation, refer back to your new script. You may not be able to change your self talk and associated feelings the first time, but with practice you’ll find that the script becomes easier and the resulting feelings and actions will reinforce your positive self talk until it becomes natural.

EQ Motivation Empathy Self Awareness Self Regulation Interpersonal skills Empathy Self Regulation Emotional Tendencies that guide or facilitate reaching goals Achievement Drive Striving to improve or meet a standard of excellence Commitment Aligning with the goals of the group or organization Initiative Readiness to act on opportunities Optimism Persistence in pursuing goals despite obstacles and setbacks

"The harder you work, the harder it is to surrender." Motivation Emotional tendencies that guide or facilitate reaching goals: Achievement Drive Commitment Initiative Optimism "The harder you work, the harder it is to surrender." -Vince Lombardi Achievement Drive Striving to improve or meet a standard of excellence Commitment Aligning with the goals of the group or organization Initiative Readiness to act on opportunities Optimism Persistence in pursuing goals despite obstacles and setbacks

The gap between what you want and what you’ll do to get it.

Reflection How did the coach to create a spirit of hope and optimism to motivate the team? What did the coach do to help his athletes strive to meet a standard of excellence? If you know the movie, what sort of goals or commitments did the coach hold his players accountable to?

EQ Empathy Self Awareness Self Regulation Motivation Interpersonal skills Empathy Self Regulation Awareness of others’ feelings, needs, concerns

Empathy Awareness of others’ feelings, needs, concerns: Understanding Others Developing Others Service Orientation Political Awareness Understanding Others Sensing others’ feelings and perspectives Developing Others Sensing other’s development needs and bolstering their abilities Service Orientation Anticipating, recognizing, and meeting customers’ needs Political Awareness Reading a group’s emotional currents and power relationships

EQ Interpersonal skills Empathy Self Awareness Self Regulation Motivation Interpersonal skills Empathy Self Regulation

Interpersonal Skills Adeptness at inducing desirable responses in others: Influence Communication Conflict Management Building Bonds Influence Wielding effective tactics for persuasion Communication Listening openly and sending convincing messages Conflict Management Negotiating and resolving disagreements Building Bonds Nurturing instrumental relationships

Closing…

Today’s Discussion Emotional intelligence plays a key role in sport, no matter what your role Remember the five components, and leverage them to improve performance for yourself and your teams: Self awareness Self regulation Motivation Empathy Interpersonal skills All of the principles discussed today can be brought back to your clubs, athletes, partners and organizations

“People change what they do less because they are given analysis that shifts their thinking, than because they are shown a truth that influences their feelings.” John Kotter The Heart of Change