Dialogue Conventions, Showing Not Telling, Action Narration, and Sentence Power

A Look at Dialogue "Hi Simon," he said.

Which one is correct? "Hi Simon," he said excitedly! "Hi Simon!" he said excitedly.

"Oh!... my poor Mathilde, how you have changed!..." "Yes, I've had some hard times since I saw you last; and many sorrows... and all on your account." "On my account!... How was that?" "You remember the diamond necklace you lent me for the ball at the Ministry?" "Yes. Well?" "Well, I lost it." "How could you? Why, you brought it back." "I brought you another one just like it. And for the last ten years we have been paying for it. You realise it wasn't easy for us; we had no money.... Well, it's paid for at last, and I'm glad indeed." Dialogue with no narration. From “The Necklace” by Guy de Maupassant

She had no clothes, no jewels, nothing. And these were the only things she loved; she felt that she was made for them. She had longed so eagerly to charm, to be desired, to be wildly attractive and sought after. She had a rich friend, an old school friend whom she refused to visit, because she suffered so keenly when she returned home. She would weep whole days, with grief, regret, despair, and misery. One evening her husband came home with an exultant air, holding a large envelope in his hand. "Here's something for you," he said. Lots of narration leading up to dialogue. From “The Necklace” by Guy de Maupassant

Indent each time a new person speaks. "Whose is this?" Mrs. Price says, and she holds the red sweater up in the air for all the class to see. "Whose? It's been sitting in the coatroom for a month." "Not mine," says everybody. "Not mine." "It has to belong to somebody," Mrs. Price keeps saying, but nobody can remember. It's an ugly sweater with red plastic buttons and a collar and sleeves all stretched out like you could use it for a jump rope. It's maybe a thousand years old and even if it belonged to me I wouldn't say so. Maybe because I'm skinny, maybe because she doesn't like me, that stupid Sylvia Saldivar says, "I think it belongs to Rachel." An ugly sweater like that, all raggedy and old, but Mrs. Price believes her. Mrs. Price takes the sweater and puts it right on my desk, but when I open my mouth nothing comes out. "That's not, I don't, you're not...Not mine," I finally say in a little voice that was maybe me when I was four. "Of course it's yours," Mrs. Price says. "I remember you wearing it once." Because she's old and the teacher, she's right and I'm not.

Action Narration is when the narrator has the character doing something, or has some action. Add Action Narration to the following dialogue that helps gives the reader an image of Henry. “My name is Henry,” he said, Improving Your Dialogue picking his nose.removing a wad of gum from the bottom of his shoe.

Add some additional Action Narration to the following dialogue that shows a personality trait of the character. "I should hardly think that he'd come tonight," said his father,

“Never mind, dear,” she said, a single tear rolling down her rosy cheek. “Perhaps you’ll win the next one.” --Shoshi Berk More Action Narration

Now add some Action Narration in the middle of the following dialogue. "Never mind, dear,” she said, _____________________. “Perhaps you'll win the next one."

Creating good narration helps give life and personality to your characters! It makes your reader want to keep reading! Use words other than "he said" "she said" all the time. Example 1: "Hand me my glasses," she said. Example 2: "Hand me my glasses," she demanded. Example 3: "Hand me my glasses," she asked tiredly. Now you try it! "I went to Shaky's last night and had a milkshake,"

When using an exclamation or question mark, you don't use a comma. You can also add some Action Information about what the character is doing after you say she asked. Example 1: "Will you pour me a glass of water?" she asked. Example 2: “Pour me a glass of water,” she asked irritably. Now you try it! "Why must there be so much traffic?!" she asked,

Example 1: She slapped him in the face and cried, “The ketchup is gone!” Example 2: During the teacup ride, Mary screamed, “Stop! Get me off! Help!” Now you try it! When he found the missing part, Bill shouted,

Using dialogue on both sides of the narration. Example 1: "I can't believe Bill did that," he said through clenched teeth. "I'll give him a piece of my mind!" Now you try it! Add some Action Narration in between the two pieces of dialogue. "What the Devil!” We forgot the screwdriver!“

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In your workshop groups, help each of your classmates do the following: 1.Make sure each story is using dialogue conventions accurately. 2. Make sure each story isn't just saying "he said"/"she said" all the time. Mix it up by adding narration that describes what the person is doing and/or illustrates a personality trait.

In your workshop groups, help each of your classmates do the following: 1.Pick a sentence from your story that tells, and change it to a sentence that shows! 2.Pick a sentence from your story and change the wording a few different ways. Talk about which one you like the best!