Between Women A Deer Oaks presentation

this is a program for women Today we are going to look closely at women’s relationships. How did we enter the world of work? What are some of the unique difficulties that we face? How can we cope? How can we be successful while holding on to the positive aspects of our ‘femaleness’?

how did we get here? Before we can go forward positively as women, we need to spend some time looking backwards at our ‘herstory’. Of course we all have special and unique histories. Let’s look at the history of women in the US context. Let’s go back to the role of the media and the impact of World War II.

Rosie the Riveter During the war period, the mass media had encouraged women to try nontraditional jobs. Women found they liked the work and the economic independence. Women discovered that they could take care of their children while also doing productive work at the factories, businesses, and hospitals where their skills were needed.

and then the war ended And the men came home. In the postwar years the mass media ignored women's new experience. Instead the media presented, and popularized by frequent repetition, their own opinion that women's proper place was in the home.

we’ve come a long way baby Several generations of women have successfully rebelled against the notion of being “just a housewife”. In fact in many industries there are now many more working women than men. This has many positive aspects, but it also creates some negative dynamics that we need to be aware of.

what’s so good about working? Many women today work because we have to in order to make ends meet. It’s easy to forget that we also want to. Common fantasy of marrying a wealthy man and never lifting a finger again. But the truth is that given the choice, we would still rather work.

work and mental health Our capacity to work has influenced many definitions of mental wellness. Psychologists routinely conduct “functional assessments” of clients. And we define healthy aging by the level of “activity” the individual is capable of.

positive workplace dynamics Women can be very supportive of each other in the workplace. We understand and empathize with certain experiences that affect women differently than they affect men: death of a parent taking care of a new baby dealing with aging parents balancing work and family

negative workplace dynamics But sometimes the space “between women” becomes negatively charged. Some negative workplace dynamics: pointless conflicts and unending tensions nasty battles and vicious betrayals deviousness and dishonesty undermining and underhandedness extreme competitiveness and contrariness Have you been on the receiving end of any of the above experiences?

women in relation When men fight. How men make up. When women’s friendships falter. “Best friends”: The very term puts the competition implicit in friendship right out there for everyone to see. Betrayal = a loss of boundaries.

blending work and friendship When roles change, e.g., your friend gets promoted. When boundaries get violated. Trust, sharing, and the negative use of information. “what happens in ____ stays in ____”. Discussion: can work and friendship ever be blended?

when your boss is a woman How are women bosses different from men bosses? How are worker expectations different for men and women bosses? How is “respect” defined differently for men and women? The dreaded “B” word.

between women: fairness We have greater expectations of justice and fairness from women. Africa study: less women are corrupt. We expect men to sometimes betray us; but we are deeply disappointed when women do. Bottom line: women have higher expectations of other women.

between women: friendships Friendships are supposed to be loving, uncomplicated, sustaining relationships. But friendships often prove to be the relationships most fraught with drama, disappointment and instability. How many of you have lost a good friend and up to this day you have no idea why that person ended the friendship? Does it still hurt? How did you get over the experience?

between girlfriends What we get from the friends we choose and who choose us is a better understanding of our own selves. Friends are mirrors of many aspects of our selves.

family and friends We can't choose our family members. Nor can we guarantee that romantic love will last forever. But good friends can go a long way towards compensating for both.

workshop a problem situation Select a situation either from the workplace or from your personal life. Engage your Explorer to find out information. Engage your Artist to modify solutions. Engage your Judge to select the best option or options. Engage your Warrior to go out and make changes.

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