Chapter 5 Family Relationships

You and Your Family In this chapter you will learn about many kinds of families and the roles that people play in families. You should have completed the vocabulary words in section 1 beginning on page 113. You should have completed the 3 questions on page 111 that deals with your opinion on what causes tension in a family.

Families Today The family is often called the “basic unit of society” because it is the structure within which children are raised and values and customs are passed from generation to generation.

The Family and Social Health The family is also the basic unit of social health because it is where a person first learns to relate to other people. If the relationships with family members are healthy, a child learns to love, respect, and get along with others, and to function as part of a group.

The Family and Social Health Continued In a family, a child can see that each person depends on the others in the group. One person’s actions can affect everyone else in the family.

The family and Social Health continued Ideally, the child learns that lasting relationships must be based on mutual caring, trust, and support. People often use the relationships they observe and participate in at home as a model for other relationships.

The Changing Family Until the mid-1800s, both parents stayed home, farming or working at trades and both shared in raising the children. The industrial revolution changed things—men went to work in factories and offices while most women stayed home. Today fewer than 10 percent of American families fit this model.

The Changing Family continued Three main factors account for changes in the American family: More women in the work force A high divorce rate An increase in the age at which people marry

The changing family continued More Women in the Work Force Today more than half of all mothers with pre-school children are in the work force. When parents work outside the home, families spend less time together. 2. High Divorce Rate Each year, many children experience their parents divorce

The changing family continued C. Divorce affects a family structure, finances, and health--emotional and physical. Family members have to adjust to new roles, relationships, and living arrangements. If a parent remarries, the adjustment continues.

Postponing Marriage The third factor that accounts for the change in the American family is Postponing Marriage. Today many young people delay marriage and parenthood until later in life. As a result, families tend to be smaller and average about two children. Some women end up with no children. In contrast, in the 1950’s women had 3 or 4 children, on average.

Family Forms Nuclear Family- this family consists of a mother and father and their child or children living together in one household. The children may be the parent’s biological children or they may have been adopted. Single-Parent Family- is one in which only one parent lives with the child or children. About half of all children today will live, at least for a time, in single-parent families.

Single-Parent family continued Some single-parent families are often the result of a divorce. Other single-parent families form when one parent dies, when parents never marry, or when a single person adopts a child. Mothers head about 85 percent of single-parent families. However, a growing no. of fathers are raising children on their own.

Single-Parent family continued Financial worries are often a major problem in single-parent families. Having to earn a living, caring for the children, performing all other tasks needed to keep the family functioning, can also make caring for families difficult in a single-parent family.

Extended Family An extended family consists of a network of close relatives living together or near each other. Extended families may include aunts, uncles, cousins, or grandparents living with parents and their children. A nuclear family or single-parent family may be part of an extended family. In extended families, family responsibilities are shared among all members. Children might be raised by their grandparents, aunts, and uncles as well as by their parents. Extended families provide a strong system of support for family members.

Blended Family When parents remarry, they form a blended family. A blended family consists of a biological parent, a step-parent, and children of one or both parents. A stepparent is a parent related by marriage. Today, at least five million children under the age of 18 live in blended families.

Blended Families Continued In blended families, the usual problems of families may become more complex. Children may feel that a stepparent is an intruder and not really part of the family. Children may have trouble getting along with stepbrothers and stepsisters

Foster Family In a foster family, an adult or couple cares for children who’s biological parents are unable to care for them. The foster family provides a temporary home for children. Some children remain in the care of foster homes for an extended period of time Others are sometimes adopted by the foster care parents.

Other Family Forms Married couples without any children. Another is a group of unrelated people who choose to live together and support and care for one another.

Responsibility within the Family For a family to function effectively, each member of the family must do his or her part. Often there are some responsibilities that clearly belong to the adults, some that clearly belong to the children, and some that can be shared.

Adult Responsibility To provide basic needs: food, clothing, shelter, education, health care, security, and love. When children’s basic needs are met they feel loved, and secure, and they gain self-esteem. Another basic responsibility of heads of families is socialization.

Adult Responsibility continued Adults must teach children to behave in a way that is acceptable to the family and to society. (socialization) Through socialization, children develop into responsible adults. They learn to respect the rights of others and to give and receive love. They also absorb the values, beliefs, and customs that are important to their families.

Adult Responsibility continued Adult family members set rules to protect their children’s safety and to maintain order within the family. Turn in your book and look at figure 3 to see some typical rules that parents may set for teenage children.

Children’s Responsibilities The responsibilities of children grow as children become older and more able. As a young child, you may have been responsible for dressing yourself, tidying up your room and doing your homework. Today, you may have to do household chores or care for younger brother and sisters. You may even have to add to the family income with earnings from a part-time job.

Children’s Responsibilities continued You are also responsible for following family rules and showing respect for all family members. At times, young people may disagree with some of the rules set by parents, and even disagree with siblings. When such conflicts arise, family members need to discuss their problems in a calm and respectful manner.

Shared Responsibilities Household chores---cooking, grocery shopping, doing laundry, taking care of the disabled. The benefits of sharing household responsibilities: a. children learn to master skills at an early age.

Shared Responsibilities continued b. because children are entrusted with important tasks, they develop a sense of responsibility and greater self-esteem. c. more importantly, family members learn that the family is stronger when they work as a team and depend on each other to get things done.

Family Problems-Causes of Family Stress While families can be the greatest source of love and joy, they can, at times, be a source of stress. Some sources of family stress are illness, financial problems, divorce, and drug abuse.

Causes of Family stress-illness When one family member has a serious illness, it affects everyone in the family. Everyone worries about the outcome and how it may affect the family. The family’s focus is on the person who is sick. Other family members may feel ignored, and then they may feel guilty for thinking about themselves.

Financial Problems The loss of a job, a serious illness, a family breakup, or other family circumstances can lead to financial problems in the family. If financial problems are serious and/or long lasting, a family may not be able to afford the necessities such as food, health care, a place to live etc…

Financial Problems continued Financial problems can have serious emotional effects on all family members. Adults may feel guilty that they are unable to provide adequately for their families. Children may feel angered or embarrassed that they must go without things that friends may have. Both adults and children may worry about the future. Financial problems can be less stressful if family members work together to improve their situation. (Teens getting jobs, younger children learning to do with less.

Separation and Divorce When a husband and wife cannot resolve their difficulties, however, they may try a period of separation. A separation is an arrangement in which spouses live apart and try to work out their differences. If that doesn’t work, husband and wife may end up getting a divorce. A separation is often painful for children in the family because: 1) children feel helpless because they can’t solve their family’s problems.

Separation and Divorce continued 2) They often feel that they are the blame. A divorce is a devastating experience Often people who divorce believe that they are failures and suffer from grief and loss. Children may feel resentment, guilt, anger, sadness or embarrassment over their parents divorce.

Separation and Divorce continued Children need to be reassured that they are not to blame for their parents’ problems. Look at figure 5 on page 120 to see the list of things you should do and things you should avoid doing if your parents are getting a divorce.

Drug Abuse When a family member has a problem with alcohol or another drug, all family members are affected. Family members could be: 1) embarrassed, 2) worried about their loved one, 3) even afraid of their loved one for fear that the person might behave violently.

Drug Abuse continued In most communities, group such as ala-non and ala-teen can help with problems related to someone else’s drinking or drug abuse. Ala-non is an organization that helps individuals cope with an alcoholic family member. Ala-teen provides help for teenagers who have an alcoholic in the family.

Family Abuse The problems associated with family violence may be the most disturbing and destructive problems in society today. Violence can occur in all kinds of families—rich or poor, urban or rural, uneducated or educated. The heart of the problem is one person’s desire to have power or control over others.

Family Violence continued The violence, or abuse, may be physical, sexual, or emotional. Any family member can be a victim of abuse- a spouse, a child, or an elderly parent. The abuse of one spouse by the other is sometimes called domestic violence. Our focus will be on abuse of children by adults.

Physical Abuse When an adult punishes a child and leaves a mark that can be seen the next day, this act is considered physical abuse. Physical abuse is intentionally causing physical harm to another person. A child who is physically abused may avoid going home. Some victims start to think that they are responsible for the beatings. Only the abuser is responsible for the abuse.

Physical Abuse continued Children who are physically abused often hide the signs of abuse. They may be ashamed or they may be afraid that, if they tell, their family will be destroyed. They may also be afraid that the abuser might retaliate for revealing the secret. It is far more damaging, however, for a child to keep silent than to seek help. Talk to an adult or call an abuse hotline. Speaking up is the first step toward putting an end to a dangerous situation.

Sexual Abuse When an adult uses a child or adolescent for sexual purposes, he or she commits a criminal offense known as sexual abuse. Sexual abuse ranges from unwanted kisses to inappropriate touching to sexual intercourse. Both boys and girls can be victims of sexual abuse.

Sexual Abuse continued Typically, the adult is someone the child knows well---a parent, step-parent, sibling, another relative, or family friend. Even a single instance of sexual abuse can have a devastating effedt on a child.

Sexual Abuse continued The victim through guilt and shame assume responsibility in his/her mind and as a result, may have difficulty trusting others and developing caring relationships later in life. Victims of any type of sexual abuse should seek the help of a trusted adult, a teacher, counselor, physician, relative or anyone that they feel can be trusted. Victims need to know they have the right not to be touched sexually by anyone.

Emotional Abuse “You rotten, no good, little punk, you never do anything right. I wish you had never been born.” Children who are constantly exposed to statements such as this are emotionally abused. Emotional abuse is the nonphysical mistreatment of a person.

Emotional Abuse continued Emotional abuse doesn’t leave visible scars. But it does leave victims feeling helpless, inadequate, or worthless. Children who are emotionally abused need help just as much as children who are physically or sexually abused.

Neglect When adults fail to provide for the basic needs of children, it is called neglect. These needs include food, security, socialization, and love. When parents fail to give their children love and emotional support, the children can feel that they do not belong. Victims of emotional neglect often have trouble developing a healthy personality. The state may remove children from a home if they suffer from neglect.

Runaways Thousands of the nation’s young people are runaways. Some leave home because of family violence, others because of emotional or school problems. In any event, runaways are taken advantage of because they can no longer take care of themselves.

Runaways continued Runaways easily fall into crime and take part in drugs sales, pornography, and prostitution to make ends meet. Many communities have shelters for the homeless and hotlines for runaways. Law-enforcement agencies, in cooperation with bus companies have programs that offer transportation back to runaways who want to return home.

Keeping the Family Healthy Healthy families share the following characteristics: Caring and Commitment Respect and Appreciation Empathy Communication Cooperation

Useful Skills for Families All families, even the healthy ones have problems from time to time. For a family to remain healthy, family members must develop skills to work through their problems. Here are a few suggestions

Resolving Conflicts When trying to resolve conflicts, family members need to talk openly, honestly, and lovingly, with the idea of learning from one another. Good communication skills are the keys to conflict resolution: a. Say way you mean b. Listen to others c. Voicing disagreements respectfully

Expressing Emotions When you are trying to resolve a conflict, it is important to express your emotions in constructive ways.(see notes) It is better to focus on your own feelings by saying things like “I get upset when people criticize me” Being able to say “I’m sorry, I love you, and Thank you” also helps. If family members feel loved and appreciated, they are often more willing to help solve problems.

Making Decisions When using family decision-making skills, families can be successful at resolving major conflicts and perhaps get accomplished what they both had in mind. These skills involved choosing between two or more alternatives. By using decision-making skills, you can avoid arguments and show that you are a mature and responsible person.

Managing Time Here are a few suggestions on making the most of family times: Develop family tradition Make mealtime special. Hold family meetings. Show that you care. Do an unassigned chore; give a sincere compliment.

Help for the Family Where can families go for help in solving problems? Relatives Friends Clergy Mental-health professionals hotlines

Family Agencies In many communities, families can get help through a variety of public and private service agencies. Local Family-Service agencies offer such service as counseling, education about family life and teen parenting Mental-health agencies help meet he needs of the emotionally disturbed and mentally ill. Child-Welfare agencies offer protective services for children ranging from organizing foster care to dealing with abuse. Other agencies help families with financial aid, food, housing, employment, medical care, and other basic needs.

Support Groups A support group is a network of people who help each other cope with a particular problem. One well-known support group is Alcoholics Anonymous- for those who abuse alcohol. Other support groups help people cope with divorce, death, family violence, gambling, teenage delinquency and serious illness.

Family Therapy Therapists work with family members to find better ways to solve problems Family therapists will usually encourage all family members to participate in order to resolve conflicts and improve family relationships.