Marriage Preparation FOCCUS and Parish Based Programs Joann C. Heaney-Hunter, Ph.D. Associate Professor: Theology & Religious Studies St.John’s University, New York

Importance of High Quality Marriage Preparation Need for high quality preparation greater than ever WHY? –High Divorce Rate Poor couple role models –Less family support More mobility of couples and greater distance between family of origin and couple –Weaker connection with church communities

Marriage Preparation – Multi-Stage Approach Contextualize – Familiaris Consortio says there are three stages of marriage preparation Remote (during childhood) Proximate (during adolescence when relationships start) immediate (just prior to marriage)

Immediate Preparation Begins when couple makes plans for engagement Optimal time – one year before marriage Parishes begin connecting with couples when they announce engagement –Important question – How much time do you have between engagement and marriage?

FOCCUS – First Stage of Immediate Preparation Clearly – FOCCUS not only product –Other inventories as well –Why FOCCUS? Primary reason is that it is designed for Catholics, by Catholics Since 1984 – expanded to include other groups –General edition –Abridged edition (people with lower reading abilities) –Multiple languages

FOCCUS -- Structure 156 item inventory – 19 separate scales 33 additional items for cohabiting, remarrying and interfaith couples Designed as a self-diagnostic inventory (does not require mental health training to administer or score)

FOCCUS Content Five Major Content areas –Match Lifestyle expectations Friends and Interests Personality Match (assume any personality can be healthy) Personal Issues (assumes problematic areas

FOCCUS Content cont’d Skills –Communication –Problem Solving

FOCCUS Content cont’d Bonders (Things that either unite people or tear them apart) –Religion and Values –Parenting –Extended Family –Sexuality –Finances –Marriage Readiness –Marriage Covenant (specifically religious dimension)

FOCCUS Content cont’d Summary Categories –Key Problem indicators (based on years of research, which answers typically lead to problems?) –Family of Origin (In each group of questions, where do family of origin issues arise?) –Dual Career (In each group of questions, where do dual career issues emerge?

FOCCUS Content cont’d Special Groups –Interfaith –Remarriages –Cohabiting Couples

FOCCUS Interpretation Who interprets? –Great tool for clergy Helps to get to know couple Helps to identify problem areas –Team approach Couple interprets and refers back to presider –Interesting finding from clergy in my parish – they like another perspective on the couple –Whichever approach – important to insure confidentiality of couple

FOCCUS Scoring Send it back to FOCCUS – easiest – $20 – time lag of two weeks Couple takes the inventory on line and facilitator accesses the score immediately and prints out the profile. Coupons $15

Parish-Based Marriage Preparation FOCCUS primes the pump –Should take place before any formal marriage prep program Then what? –Some people have totally customized marriage prep – –However, many advantages to group marriage preparation programs

MARRIAGE PREP IS GREAT OPPORTUNITY FOR EVANGELIZATION EFFORTS! IT IS A “TEACHABLE MOMENT!”

Making the case for Parish-Based Experience shows that many couples have not been in church since confirmation –Recent Study – (Christian Smith) – shows that American Catholic teens and young adults are more disconnected from the Church than other religions –Possible bias of findings – but the finding still alarming

Making the Case cont’d With Baby Boomer Generation – –Effort to make marriage preparation more personal, less lecture –Effort to make it more intimate Small groups Moved to homes

Making the Case cont’d Subsequent generations –More disconnected from church –Fewer have had personal connections with any church leaders –Marriage Prep provides an opportunity to reconnect couples with Faith community

“Preparation or Formation?” Both –Clearly – want couples to have good skills Communication Problem Solving Negotiation Conflict Resolution –Also – important content Sexuality Dual Careers Values and Conscience, to name a few

Preparation or Formation cont’d HOWEVER – –Faith formation is CRUCIAL for this generation Many no formal religious education past junior high school or high school at best –For many couples – never discussed Church’s teaching on: Covenant and Sacrament Covenant and Sacrament Conscience Formation SexualitySpirituality

Preparation or Formation cont’d Recommend programs that give more than skills for marriage Recommend programs that give more than skills for marriage –They should Invite couples into faith community Allow them to hear the faith stories of others Invite them to share their own faith stories Invite them to understand the meaning of covenant and sacrament Help them to develop a spirituality that will help them grow

Duration of Marriage Preparation Short format vs. Long format –Obviously – must make prudential pastoral judgments Service men and women Some couples living at great distance from each other –Research From FOCCUS Database indicates that optimum marriage preparation duration is 9-12 sessions (including rehearsal and liturgy planning)

Duration cont’d Very short formats do not give couples time to process information Very short formats encourage couples NOT to take marriage prep seriously The closer marriage prep gets to the date of the wedding – the less effective it will be

Faith Formation for Marriage -- Content Contract vs. Covenant Meaning of Sacrament Communication Family of Origin Values and Conscience Formation Intimacy and Sexuality (including Church teaching) Spirituality

Faith Formation for Marriage – Content cont’d In addition –Important for couples to have solid liturgical planning –Important for couples to become acquainted with Natural Family Planning –Important for couples to be invited to participate in the life of the faith community –Important for the community to extend hospitality to couples

Marriage Preparation – A Way to Invite Couples to grow in faith Experience shows that many people see marriage preparation as a hoop Instead – help them to see it as an: –Opportunity to become active participants in the life of faith –Opportunity for to develop new leadership skills in and for the community