Writing Effective Sentences Chapter 11 Writing Effective Sentences

Writing Effective Sentences Good tech communication sentences should be clear, correct, and graceful Structuring effective sentences Choosing the right words and phrases Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

Structuring Effective Sentences Use lists. Emphasize new and important information. Choose an appropriate sentence length. Focus on the “real” subject. Focus on the “real” verb. Use parallel structures. Use modifiers effectively. Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

Guidelines for Creating Effective Lists Set off each listed item with a number, a letter, or a symbol (usually a bullet). Break up long lists. Present the items in a parallel structure. Structure and punctuate the lead-in correctly. Punctuate the list correctly. Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

1. Using Lists Long & Complicated Sentences We recommend that more work on heat- exchanger performance be done with a larger variety of different fuels at the same temperature, with similar fuels at different temperatures, and with special fuels such as diesel fuel and shale-oil-derived fuels. Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

1. Using Lists Vertical Lists We recommend that more work on heat- exchanger performance be done with a larger variety of different fuels at the same temperature with similar fuels at different temperatures with special fuels such as diesel fuel and shale-oil- derived fuels Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

1. Using Lists Numbered Lists We recommend that more work on heat- exchanger performance be done (1) with a larger variety of different fuels at the same temperature, (2) with similar fuels at different temperatures and, (3) with special fuels such as diesel fuel and shale-oil-derived fuels. Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

1. Using Lists Guidelines for Creating Effective Lists Set off each listed item with a number, a letter, or a symbol (usually a bullet). Break up long lists of 10 or more items. Present the items in a parallel structure. Starts with a verb phrase Nonparallel Parallel 1. First draft 1. Write first draft 2. Revision of the first draft 2. Revise first draft 3. After approval, write final draft 3. Prepare final draft after approval Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

1. Using Lists Guidelines for Creating Effective Lists Structure and punctuate the lead-in correctly. If lead-in is independent clause, use a colon Following are the three main assets: If lead-in is dependent clause, use dash or no punctuation The committee found that the employee– The committee found that the employee Punctuate the list correctly. items are phrases The items are complete sentences. Others. See page 228. Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

2. Emphasize New & Important Information Place new information at the end of the sentence. Because of labor shortages, we expect a three week delay. Three week delay is the new information. Do not end the sentence with information that blunts the impact of the new information. The joint could fail under special circumstances. (Weak) Under special circumstances, the joint could fail. (Better) Put new or difficult terms at the end of the sentence. You use a wired glove to point to objects. (Weak) To point to objects, you use a wired glove. (Better) Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

3. Appropriate Sentence Length Average sentence length of 15 to 20 words Use variety of lengths 10 words is too choppy Series of 35+ word sentences is too demanding Succession of same length sentences too monotonous Avoid overly long sentences Break apart or use lists Avoid overly short sentences Combine sentences Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

4. Focus on the “Real” Subject Don’t bury the real subject in a prepositional phrase. The weak subject will hide the real subject. Weak: The use of this method would eliminate the problem of motor damage. Strong: This method would eliminate the problem of motor damage. Weak subjects usually precede the of. Reduce number of expletives (there is, it is, there are). Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

5. Focus on the “Real” Verb Watch out for inappropriate verb nominalizations. Verbs turned into nouns Weak: Each preparation of the solution is done twice. Strong: Each solution is prepared twice. Search for character strings such as tion, ment, sis, ence, ing, and ance. Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

6. Use Parallel Structures Coordinated elements follow same grammatical form Verb form Nonparallel: Our present system is costing us profits and reduces our productivity. Parallel: Our present system is costing us profits and reducing our productivity. Overlap in a series of items Overlapped: The speakers will include partners of law firms, businesspeople, and civic leaders. The speakers will include businesspeople, civic leaders, and partners of law firms. Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

Use Modifiers Effectively Distinguish between restrictive and nonrestrictive modifiers. Avoid misplaced modifiers. Avoid dangling modifiers. Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

7. Use Modifiers Effectively Avoid misplaced modifiers because placement may determine the meaning of the sentence Only Turner received a cost-of-living increase last year. No one else received one Turner received only a cost-of-living increase last year. Didn’t receive a merit increase Turner received a cost-of-living increase only last year. Received as recently as last year Turner received a cost-of-living increase last year only. No other year Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

Choosing the Right Words and Phrases Select an appropriate level of formality. Be clear and specific. Be concise. Use inoffensive language. Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

1. Appropriate Level of Formality Two problems with informal writing Informal writing tends to be imprecise. Informal writing can be embarrassing. Consider audience, subject and purpose More formally to executives than students, etc. More formally about serious subjects such as safety procedures vs. office party More formally in a formal report than a newsletter Err on the side of formality! Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences Levels of Formality Informal The Acorn 560 is a real screamer. Moderately formal With its 3.8 GHz processor, the Acorn 560 can handle complicated spreadsheets quickly. Highly formal With a 3.8 GHz processor, the Acorn 560 is a high-speed personal computer designed for handling complicated spreadsheets. Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences 2. Be Clear and Specific Active vs. passive voice (pp. 236-237) Active: Dave drove the launch vehicle. Passive: The launch vehicle was driven by Dave. In most cases, active voice is better Emphasizes the agent Shorter sentences Passive better in four cases: Agent is clear from the context Agent is unknown Agent is less important than action Referencing the agent is inappropriate Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences 2. Be Clear and Specific Be specific Use precise words Ford Taurus is an automobile, a vehicle, a machine, and a thing. Provide adequate detail An engine on the plane experienced some difficulties. (Which engine, what plane, what kind of difficulties?) Avoid ambiguity After stirring for 10 seconds, add three drops of the iodine mixture to the solution. (stirring what?) Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences 2. Be Clear and Specific Use jargon (shoptalk) only with a technically knowledgeable audience. cold-swap the drive Avoid unnecessary jargon because: It can be imprecise. It can be confusing. It is often seen as condescending. It is often intimidating. Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences 2. Be Clear and Specific Use positive constructions: what something is instead of what something is not most vs. not all few vs. not many on time vs. not late Avoid long noun strings. Preregistration procedures instruction sheet update Fine if the reader understands them: Flat-panel monitor, passive-restraint system Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences 2. Be Clear and Specific Avoid clichés. thinking outside the box, pushing the envelope, mission critical, paradigm shift Good writing is original and fresh. Avoid euphemisms (polite way of saying something offensive) use the restroom dehiring, downsizing, personnel surplus reduction Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences 3. Be Concise Avoid obvious statements. The market for the sale of flash memory chips… Better: The market for flash memory chips… Avoid fillers. Commonly used in speech: basically, essentially, sort of, kind of Redundant expressions: collaborate together, past history, end result, completely eliminate Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences 3. Be Concise Avoid unnecessary prepositional phrases. The increase in the number of students enrolled in the materials-engineering program at Lehigh University is a testament to the regard in which that program is held by the university's new students. (Better version on p. 242) Avoid wordy phrases (Table 11.1) a majority of vs. most a number of vs. many, some Avoid pompous words (Table 11.2) Advise vs. tell; initiate vs. begin Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

4. Use Inoffensive Language Use Nonsexist Language Let’s be PC!!! Replace the male-gender words with non-gender-specific words. Chairperson, businessperson, firefighters Switch to a different form of the verb. Sexist: The operator must pass rigorous tests before he is promoted. Better: The operator must pass rigorous tests before being promoted. Plural: Operators must pass rigorous tests before they are promoted. Switch to he or she, he/she, s/he, or his or her. Address the reader directly. You, your Alternate he and she. Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

4. Use Inoffensive Language Guidelines for the People-First Approach Refer to the person first, the disability second. People with mental retardation rather than the mentally retarded people Don't confuse handicap with disability. Don't refer to victimization. A person with AIDS not an AIDS victim Don't refer to a person as "wheelchair bound" or "confined to a wheelchair." Don't refer to people with disabilities as abnormal. Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

Preparing Text for Translation Use short sentences. Use the active voice. Use simple words. Include a glossary. Use words that have only one meaning. Use pronouns carefully. Avoid jokes, puns, and culture-bound references. Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences