Communicating In The 21 st Century: How Do You Know If You Are Effective? Mark Krawczyk

Communication – Defined “…an exchange of thoughts, messages, or information as by speech, signals, writing or behavior…” “…a system for sending and receiving messages, as by telephone, telegraph, radio, etc….” OR COULD IT BE SO SIMPLE AS Saying what you mean and meaning what you say (no matter how you choose to “say” it)?

Why Do We Communicate? Just a few reasons:  To share or gain information  To express a wide range of emotions  To provide a means of dealing with difficult individuals as well as pleasant folks  To get directions  To satisfy a human need for acceptance  To express your opinion (wanted or not!!)

Where Do We Communicate? To name a few places:  At home  On the job  In the neighborhood  At conferences (like this one)  At the doctor’s office  On the commuter train / in the car pool  At the beauty salon or barber shop  At city council meetings

This rule states that 55% of the meaning of communication is body language, 38% is tonality and 7% is in the words themselves. How many people agree with this “rule”? The 55%, 38%, 7% Rule NOT ME!!!

Communication Style Your communication style depends upon a number of factors:  Personal history  Personality type  Ethnicity/Nationality  Race  Gender  Generation/Era

More on How We Communicate Some ways we all communicate:  Via handshakes  With eye contact  Using “body” language/positioning  By utilizing “proxemics” (the study of “personal” space)  With the spoken word  With the written word

The Handshake Seven secrets to communicating effectively by just shaking somebody’s hand:  Start with eye contact and smile  Open hand  Firm, not strong  Up and down, not back and forth  Appropriate duration  Maybe use both hands  Close with eye contact and a smile

With Eye Contact Eye contact, properly used, is a powerful aid in communicating effectively  Cuts physical distance in half  Helps you to connect with others on a more personal, intimate level  Is an inviting mechanism for audience members to join in your presentation  Allows you to gauge the reaction to your talk  Stops hecklers from pestering you

Aggressive non-verbal (angry) cues perhaps:  Finger pointing  Glaring  Arms crossed tightly  Widening of stance  Putting your hands on hips  Clenching your fingers into a fist  Increasing the volume of your voice With Body Language/Positioning

How to defuse the aggressive non-verbal (angry) cues:  Open palms  Triangle body positioning  Looking down  Decrease voice volume  Head tilting  With an understanding of “proxemics” With Body Language/Positioning

Proxemics is the study of personal space and territory – a zone of psychological comfort What is our/your comfort zone?  0 – 18 inches is an intimate distance  18 inches – 4 feet is personal distance  4 feet to 12 feet is social distance  More than 12 feet is public distance What is Proxemics?

When your personal space is violated you more than likely feel threatened Proximity separates the strong from the weak An inanimate object between two people is an indication of defensiveness Where should one sit when talking to another?  Side-by-side fosters cooperation  Opposite sides fosters competition  Sit at 90 degrees for good conversation What About Personal Space?

When someone speaks, this implies someone else is listening. Let’s discuss some “sins” that get in the way of good verbal communication.  Filtering  Second guessing  Discounting  Relating  Rehearsing  Forecasting  Placating Communicating With the Spoken Word

That old saying “talk is cheap…” is wrong – what we say does matter. So, with that in mind, here are some words to think about avoiding so as not to create defensive situations:  “you”  “but…”  “always” or “never”  “must”  “should”  “try” More on Communicating With the Spoken Word

It’s always easier to be aware of another person’s conversational mistakes than our own. These six bullet points are common mistakes that block conversation flow, create frustration and reduce understanding  Blabbermouthing  “Take away” and “me too” syndrome  Unsolicited advice  Interrupting  Contradicting  Being stingy with your contributions The Spoken Word - Conversation Killers

Avoid these mistakes in your communication processes:  Omitting the subject line  Not making the subject line meaningful  Not personalizing your message  Not accounting for “tone”  Forgetting to check for spelling/grammar  Writing the great American novel  Forwarding without permission  Thinking no one else will ever see your  Leaving off your signature  Expecting an instant response  Not following the “trail” in a string of messages Communicating With the Written Word

Effective Workplace Communication The four A’s of communication: 1. Attention – Eliminate (as much as one can) all the “noise” that distracts 2. Apprehension – Usually this means fear, but its primary meaning is understanding 3. Assimilation – The message has to not only be heard and understood, it must be accepted 4. Action – The final step in the communication process

Effective Communication Techniques Listen actively  Be attentive  Be impartial  Reflect back  Summarize Pay attention to your nonverbal message  Posture  Equal positioning  Facial expressions  Gestures

Effective Communication Techniques Express thoughts and feelings  Be open and honest  Speak clearly  Speak with conviction Communicate without being adversarial  Express concerns non-judgmentally  Use “I” messages