FRAGILE : HANDLE WITH CARE

PROGRAM NORMS  All participants need to be in the class by 9:00 a.m. sharp  No side conversations  Avoid religious and political views  No absences allowed  Put your phones on silent mode  Penalty in case phone rings or even a message beeps

WHO IS A DIFFICULT PERSON?

WHAT IS DIFFICULT BEHAVIOR?  A person whose behavior causes difficulties - for you and others difficult behaviors  Dealing with difficult people simply means dealing with difficult behaviors

REACTIONS TOWARDS DIFFICULT BEHAVIORS Difficult Behavior Rude Obnoxious Loud Rigid Crazy Demanding Arrogant Reaction Defensive Loud Withdraw Superior Confused Crazy

“ Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. ”

SELF ASSESSMENT

 30 and above – Doing Great!  Doing good. You can be helped by increasing your self esteem. Review your strengths and areas of improvement. Put your best foot forward in relationships  – Believe in your strengths. Give yourself credit for what you know and what you do right. Build your areas of improvement. Talk to a mentor for feedback.  < 10 – Seek counseling. Your low self esteem is hampering the way you work and impacting the way you deal with people. You can achieve much more in life from building your self confidence.

LESSON OF THE FIST Whenever we force someone to change, they either resist us or resent us or both and as a result become more motivated to defend their position

KEEP YOUR FEET ON THE GROUND  Stay Calm, balanced, and think things through  Work to change your negative self-talk  Avoid blaming and labeling - Focus on problem solving  Focus on positive outcomes  Think big picture-think long term

ARE YOU HOOKED? Physical Emotional Mental

ARE YOU HOOKED? Are You Hooked Physically? Clenched Teeth Stiff Neck Tension Headaches Tight Chest Chills Stomach pain or nausea Shortness of Breath Tingling arms Backaches Muscle spasms Facial Twitches Insomnia Fatigue Are You Hooked Emotionally? Anger Fear Panic Anxiety Embarrassment Confusion Depression Repulsion Helplessness or despair

UNHOOKING AT A GLANCE  Unhook Physically  Unhook Mentally  Unhook Verbally

Difficult Behaviors  Negativity, Sarcasm & Criticism  Manipulative Behavior  Aggressive Behavior  Non-cooperative or Passive Aggressive behavior

UNHOOKING – THE FOUR D’S Detect: Identify that you are caught in a toxic relationship that is causing you pain Detach: Accept that you aren’t going to change the other person Depersonalize: Learn to take the other person’s behavior less personally Deal: Devise a plan for protecting yourself and managing the relationship using Unhooking Technique

THE AVOIDER  Exhibit fearfulness of interaction that could generate uncomfortable feelings in them or around them.  They notice wrong behavior, but the fear of confrontation prevents them from stepping in to address the situation.  Instead they do the office version of putting his or her head in the sand. Although authorized to intervene, this boss takes no action.  Such people may say “ I will look into it” or “ I will get to that”. Then nothing happens.

UNHOOKING - FROM AN AVOIDER  Unhook physically: Indulge in some form of relaxation  Unhook mentally: Take a mental inventory of the situation What’s happening here? What are the facts? What’s their part? What’s your part? What are your options?  Unhook verbally: Converse with the Avoider and ask them to show up for a meeting to discuss the issues bothering you

THE SACRED COW They are those people in position of authority who’ve been promoted because of longevity, loyalty, connections, or family ties Since they never cause any trouble, don’t make waves, comply with company policies, there is never a reason to fire them Eventually they reach positions of incompetence. They don’t know how to perform their own jobs effectively, never mind managing the people below them If you work for this kind of boss, you probably feel extremely frustrated Sacred cows resist any kind of change due to fear of being found out. They do their best to maintain the existing systems with ‘that’s how it’s always been done’

UNHOOKING - THE SACRED COW  Unhook physically: Indulge in a game or some form of sports to release pent-up frustration  Unhook mentally: Take a mental inventory of the situation What’s happening here? What are the facts? What’s their part? What’s your part? What are your options?  Unhook verbally: Converse with the sacred cow to learn about them & their accomplishment.

THE CONTROLLING EGOMANIAC They make it clear that the company or department they oversee is their show. Their huge egos require large doses of admiration, and total control They often project themselves as a self-made man or woman They have an insatiable hunger for fame, respect, and status Their personality is charismatic and engaging. These are the original micromanagers. They don’t know how to delegate and can’t handle criticism Initiatives that don’t originate from them get disabled and sidetracked If you work for them, expect to be battered with questions, overridden in your decision making, and reprimanded for every mistake you make.

UNHOOKING - THE CONTROLLING EGOMANIAC  Detect: Learn to recognize that you are being controlled  Detach: Learn to relax, and accept that your boss cannot tolerate the thought of anyone, including an expert taking charge of his organization  Depersonalize: Remind yourself of facts and that such behaviors are learned and ingrained overtime; cannot be helped. They are compelled to control, manipulate, override, and belittle the people who work below him  Deal: Accept the fact that these behaviors can be caused by psychological affliction. Be no longer surprised or insulted when being criticized or when suggestions get shot down

THE CREDIT STEALERS  A special employer that delights in taking credit for other people’s ideas  This workplace robber will tell you that you are a part of his or her team; that your contributions are crucial for the team’s success  They will share your ideas, proposals, and suggestions with others, claiming those to be theirs.  When approached, they either justify or deny their actions and you end up feeling used, manipulated, and infuriated

UNHOOKING – THE CREDIT STEALER  Detect: Learn to recognize that a credit stealer shall continue to do this and yet feel no remorse. You may feel physically depleted and confused  Detach: Realize that such types will never give credit to your ideas, there will be no guarantee even if they promise  Depersonalize: such behavior will continue; any ideas that emerge in their environment will be considered theirs; taking it personally will never help  Deal: Work on getting the credit you deserve, withholding ideas never help, before proposing a new idea get assurance of getting credit for it

Serenity Prayer accept the things change change the things difference. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

REFRESHMENT