Presented by: Sandra Crowe for IMPA Author I Didn’t Sign Up for This!: 7 Strategies for Dealing With Difficulty in Difficult

 Intro Exercise: What do your difficult people do?  What all difficult people are looking for  How to have the BLE of power  Dealing With Difficult Behavior- principles and action steps  Putting it all together and bringing it home Copyright 2012 Pivotal Point Training and Consulting Inc. 2

 And what do you do in response?  Does it work? Copyright 2012 Pivotal Point Training and Consulting Inc. 3

 Three Wants That Drive All Behavior:  1-Control(over self, others, schedule etc… Overdone leads to micromanaging or controlling behavior)  2-Security(know your job is secure, things are “normal”, and you feel as if you know what is going to happen)  3-Approval(People like what you do, you are accepted and seen as good, talented, and valuable by the organization) Copyright 2012 Pivotal Point Training and Consulting Inc. 4

 Positional status is determined by the organization, title, or others. It give one a certain type of power to make decisions, determine other’s destiny and weild power  Power status is determined by one’s self, what you decide, how you behavior, and how you react in scenarios that may be thrown your way. It is not necessarily dependent on external sources Copyright 2012 Pivotal Point Training and Consulting Inc. 5

 Body- What does theirs/yours say? Copyright 2012 Pivotal Point Training and Consulting Inc. 6

 Feedback Language: Giving feedback without them realizing it: “I’m not sure if you’re aware of this…”  Forward Language: Move the conversation forward with a question: “What needs to happen right now?” or “What needs to happen next?” “What can you do to make that happen?”  Function Language: Making sure the mechanics are in place: “Who will do what by when? How will it get done? What other requests need to be made to coordinate this?” Copyright 2012 Pivotal Point Training and Consulting Inc. 7

 An emotionally intelligent person is in touch with his/her emotions and that of others as well.  FORR yourself:  Find ItFor them:  Open It*Exude Understanding  Release it *Empathy is Excellent  Rewire it*Elicit explanation then act Copyright 2012 Pivotal Point Training and Consulting Inc. 8

 What is this bringing up for you?  What are you seeing out of what we have discussed so far? Copyright 2012 Pivotal Point Training and Consulting Inc. 9

 You may be unconsciously rewarding behavior you want to stop by rewarding it. That may include: Yelling back, crying, getting angry/upset, giving them what they want, playing into their game or other. You must see this and stop it in order to shift the dynamic. Copyright 2011 PPT&C 10

Make your positive stronger emotion dominate by:  *Remembrance(or find something about them you like)  *Change the thought, change the thinking: “That’s yours not mine”  *Change the body change the feeling  *Remember your center  *Find someone you like Copyright 2011 PPT&C 11

When the conversation gets argumentative move it forward by doing one of three things:  1- Acknowledge what is  2- Make a request  3-Ask: What needs to happen next? Copyright 2011 PPT&C 12

 Don’t:  *Tell someone they are an idiot. They already know it but won’t admit it to themselves let alone you.  *Argue with the jerk who needs to be right. You will never win and may die trying.  *Scream at the guy who loves to scream. He will feel like he hit pay dirt and will come back for more later.  Do:  *Rise above to go beyond. Don’t play their game and you will be happier.  *Learn the phrase: “It’s not personal. Never is. Never was. Never will be.”  *Focus where you can on the more positive aspects of the challenging person even though it may be like looking for a needle in the haystack. It will make it easier on both of you. Copyright 2011 PPT&C 13

 For Yourself Use How questions:  How can I make this work?  How can I see beyond this situation?  How can I learn from this?  With Them Use What questions:  What do we need to do next?  What will work to make this better? Copyright 2012 Pivotal Point Training and Consulting Inc. 14

A. Find ways to move the conversation forward B. Reward behaviors you want more of and less you want less of C. Keep your emotion stronger D. A combination of a few above E. Not really sure yet F. What I was doing was working just fine Copyright 2011 PPT&C 15

 What one new thought, behavior, skill, or action will you take on that will change something about you in relation to your boss? Copyright 2012 Pivotal Point Training and Consulting Inc. 16

 Sandra Crowe, MA, PCC, speaker, coach and author of “I Didn’t Sign Up for This!: 7 Strategies for Dealing With Difficulty in Difficult Times”. She speaks and trains on how to deal with difficult people and situations in your work and home life. For a free chapter of I Didn’t Sign up For This! go to or  Copyright 2012 Pivotal Point Training and Consulting Inc. 17