Mindful Parenting May 1, 2013 Sheri Louis, MA Ed.

Objectives By the end of this presentation, attendees will be able to: Recognize their own patterns of behavior. Navigate brain behaviors. Practice breathing techniques.

Emotions play a big role in how we learn!

Recognizing Patterns of Behavior PunishmentDiscipline InconsistentConsistent Based on fear/urgencyBased on love/patience Focuses on bribes, intimidation, threatsFocuses on cooperation Unclear expectationsSets clear expectations Expects child to “just know” and “just get it right” Demonstrates & practices positive behavior Focuses on what NOT to doFocuses on what TO DO

How does my child’s brain work? Pictures Children encode information in pictures – their mind works like video without audio. Timelessness Children don’t understand “wait”. So substitute “wait” with instructions. Egocentric Children see the world through their eyes…doesn’t everyone?! Give your child the tools to see another perspective.

BehaviorFunctionsSkills Brain Stem State: Survival Need: Safety “Am I safe?” Survival systems Modulate states of arousal Unconscious Born online Fight Hit, kick, push Physical aggression Flight Withdraw, hide, run, scream Fool Deceive, lie Limbic System State: Emotional Need: Connection “Am I loved?” Emotional tone: flexible or rigid; positive or negative Attachment; relationships, territory Stores highly charged emotional memories Unconscious It’s all about ME Things are not going well and it’s all your fault Cortex State: Integrated Need: Problem Solving “What can I learn from this?” Impulse control/self control Empathy Working memory Sustained attention Planning, prioritization, initialization Organization, time management Goals Access your own wisdom Empathy: see the world from another person’s perspective. Give and receive love Manage your impulses, time, priorities and dreams to live the life you truly want.

Which Path Are We On? Calling for Love Extending Love Brain Stem / Limbic System Emotional State Fight or Flight Seeking Understanding Emotional Whining Irrational Out of Control Withdrawn Overwhelmed Cortex Reasoning & Problem Solving Seeking Information Calm Direct Rational In Control Curious Interested Understanding Information

Tools: Navigating the Brain’s Behavior Brain Stem “Your face is going like this.” “Your body is going like this.” Mirror your child Limbic Wait for eye contact “There you are!” “You seem…” “Are you okay?”

Tools: Navigating the Brain’s Behavior Cortex “You wanted…” “It’s hard when…” “You were hoping…” What would help you get started? What could you do to solve your problem? How could you be helpful? Did you like it? If you choose to ___, then __ will happen. Do you understand? Is _ being safe? What would be safe for yourself and others? Are you hurt or are you scared? What would help you get started?

Pair Share Practice opportunity With a partner, you will navigate the brain’s behavior through the brain stem, limbic and cortex: Role 1: Parent Role 2: Child in his/her brain stem Scenario: it’s time to leave OMSI!

Tools: Loco in the Limbic System Tips for Parents to Move to the Cortex Be a S.T.A.R (Smile, Take a Breath, And Relax) “I can handle this.” Tantrums are normal: your child is trying to get his or her needs met. This is not about you.

Tools: Loco in the Limbic System Tips for Child to Move to the Cortex Safe place with love S.T.A.R., Pretzel, Balloon, Drain

Tool: Fast Food Rule 1.Repeat information back to child 2.Replace the word “Don’t” with usable information. 3.Give two positive choices. Practice opportunity: You don’t wont your child to run in the store. How would you communicate this? Take a moment to write down your response. “You really like to run – running is fun. When you are in the store, you can move slowly. You can drag your feet like a turtle or slither like a snake. Let’s practice.”

Children learn what they live Make your influence positive.

“Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words. Keep your words positive because your words become your behavior. Keep your behavior positive because your behavior becomes your habits. Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values. Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny.” - Gandhi

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