Life Reconstruction Overcoming Bitterness and Resentment one thought at a time

Daniel Jamie David Heather Beth

Mayor Ray Nagin New Orleans Pastor Doug Carbondale

Life Reconstruction Overcoming Bitterness and Resentment one thought at a time

Life Reconstruction One thought at a time “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2 “and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:5-6

stimulus issue perception thoughts feelings talk, behavior The Anatomy of Anger, Bitterness and Resentment A E F D D mind movies replays of incident (B )C Original offense 9 units hurt x per replay12 units rage, indignation 24 x = 297 x per replay15 units malice, revenge 24 x = 657 x per replay20 units self-pity, bummed out 24 x = 1137 Significance resistance Anger No one gets in my way! Fear “She’s so stupid” “She can’t treat me that way!” Perturbed, bitter, distraught, resentful, revengeful Withdrawn, Subversive or Aggressive The Pits!!

stimulus issue perception thoughts feelings talk, behavior The Anatomy of Anger, Bitterness and Resentment A E F D D mind movies replays of incident (B )C Original offense 9 units hurt x per replay12 units rage, indignation 24 x = 297 x per replay15 units malice, revenge 24 x = 657 x per replay20 units self-pity, bummed out 24 x = 1137 Self-worth Not invited Anger I’m being rejected! Fear “That dirty so and so” “They can’t treat me that way!” Perturbed, bitter, distraught, resentful revengeful Withdrawn, Subversive or Aggressive The Pits!!

Activating event PerceptionFeelingsBehavior AB C D Experienced Neglect Rejection Subconscious Message I’m worthless unlovable Not invited To party Hurt Irritated Incensed Self-pity Bummed Avoid, Snub friend Complain Gossip People don’t Like me. Something is Wrong with me. They’re mean.

Activating event PerceptionFeelingsBehavior AB C D Experienced Neglect Rejection Subconscious Message My worth is in Christ, I am beloved! Not invited To party Hurt Puzzled No big deal Peaceful Gracious Engaging Ask about it They’re having a party. I wasn’t Invited. People don’t Like me. Something is Wrong with me. They’re mean.

Activating event PerceptionFeelingsBehavior AB C D Experienced Neglect Rejection Subconscious Message I’m worthless unlovable Not invited To party Hurt Irritated Incensed Self-pity Bummed Avoid, Snub friend Complain Gossip People don’t Like me. Something is Wrong with me. They’re mean.

Activating event PerceptionFeelingsBehavior AB C D Experienced Neglect Rejection Subconscious Message My worth is in Christ, I am beloved! Not invited To party Hurt Puzzled No big deal Peaceful Gracious Engaging Ask about it They’re having a party. I wasn’t Invited. A life transforming relationship with Jesus provides your four basic needs: 1.Love 2.Worth 3.Security 4.Significance

stimulus issue perception thoughts feelings talk, behavior The Anatomy of Anger, Bitterness and Resentment A E F D D mind movies replays of incident (B )C Original offense 9 units hurt x per replay9 units rage, indignation 24 x = 216 x per replay12 units malice, revenge 24 x = 504 x per replay15 units self-pity, bummed out 24 x = 864 Self-worth Not invited Anger I’m being rejected! Fear “That dirty so and so” “They can’t treat me that way!” Perturbed, bitter, distraught, resentful Withdrawn, Subversive or Aggressive The Pits!! Bitter Grudge

Ephesians 4:31-32 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Antidote to Bitterness: Forgiveness Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. Matthew 18:21-22 The apostles said to the Lord, "Increase our faith!“ Luke 17:3-5

Antidote to Bitterness: Forgiveness Forgiveness originates with God Is a judicial operation, not emotional Means you take the pain and pay the debt Doesn’t necessitate interaction with offender Doesn’t expose you to further mistreatment by offender Gives best chance to confront offender effectively and sensitively. Releases the person from any penalty owed to you only, not to God or others offended.

stimulus issue perception thoughts feelings talk, behavior The Anatomy of Anger, Bitterness and Resentment A E F D D (B ) C thoughts feelings talk, behavior E D F mind movies D Significance Resistance “That dirty so and so” “They can’t treat me that way!” Perturbed, bitter, distraught, resentful Withdrawn, Subversive or Aggressive Peace Significance Security mind movies replays of incident Anger No one gets in my way! Fear Reconciliation Regret, Peace, Love I forgive... Refuse to replay incident What’s going on here? prayer God show me...

stimulus issue perception thoughts feelings talk, behavior The Anatomy of Anger, Bitterness and Resentment A E F D D (B ) C thoughts feelings talk, behavior E D F mind movies D Self-worth Not invited “That dirty so and so” “They can’t treat me that way!” Perturbed, bitter, distraught, resentful Withdrawn, Subversive or Aggressive Peace Worth Security mind movies replays of incident I wasn’t invited Anger I’m being rejected! Fear Friendly Peaceful, secure I forgive... Refuse to replay prayer God show me...

What to expect when you forgive: You may not feel like you have forgiven. Expect to still feel hurt and pain. –Take that pain to God for consolation. –Seek to understand situation from offender’s point of view. –Analyze incident for personal responsibility. Expect to experience inner resistance to forgiving. Expect a flood of replays of the incident. Expect excuses not to forgive.

Ultimate Purpose: His Glory! Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God-this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is- his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:1-2

Life Reconstruction Overcoming Bitterness and Resentment one thought at a time