Listening and dialogue Rebecka Arman

Four fields of conversation (Isaacs) 4 Flow dialogue 3 Inquiry 2 Break through 1 Politeness Breakthrough involves some kind of disturbance to the politeness Politeness: Rule-following, common cceptance of social norms and power structures, rel stable state Break-through: Rule-revealing, power is contested (whose meaning has more power?), positions emerge, unstable state Inquiry: Rule-inquiring, self-inquiry into underlying assumptions, awareness of how we impact each other Flow: Rule-generating, generation of new possibilities, collective intelligence

Modes of communication Serial monologue (phase 1) Solo advocacy Making speeches Maintain a smooth surface (politeness) Verbal brawling/unproductive discussion (1-2) Win/lose No Inquiry Control Outcome Soft data, implicit reasoning

Modes of communication ctd Facilitated conversation (phase 2-3) Guided conversation Structured Inquiry (AI?) Skillful conversation (phase 3) Hard (observable) data Explicit reasoning Productive Inquiry

Modes of conversation ctd Reflective dialogue (phase 3) Restructuring underlying thinking Clarifies choices Surfaces deep questions/puzzles Generative dialogue (phase 4) Recreates underlying thinking Transforms tacit thought Enables wisdom to emerge Produces insight and compulsion to act

Four fields of conversation 4 Flow dialogue 3 Inquiry 2 Break through 1 Politeness

Function: perspective The four player model Move Function: direction Bystand Function: perspective Follow Function: completion The diagonal line is about Advocacy (move and respect) while the horizontal poles are about Inquiry. Inbalance and destructive/improductive sequences: Serial monologues (M-M-M-M) Courteous Compliance (M-F-F-F) Point-Counterpoint: (M-O-M-O) Hall of Mirrors: (M-B-B-B) Covert Opposition: M-F/O, B/O Oppose Function: correction

Action positions and fears Action intends: But sometimes comes across as: Mover Discipline Commitment Perfection Clarity Impatient Indecisive Scattered Dictatorial Follower Loyalty Service Continuity Compassion Placating Wishy-Washy Over accommodating Opposer Courage Protection Integrity Survival Critical Competitive Blaming Contrary Bystander Patience Preservation Moderation Self-Reflection Disengaged Judgmental Deserting Withdrawn Silent Dances with wolves, from 40:27

When one or more dynamic is missing Intent What can I do? How can I help provide what is missing? Move Jointly design action “I think we should XX, Sarah would you…?” “Sarah, what do you think we should do?” Follow Commit to trying another’s direction “That’s a great idea! How can I help?” “How can we support Peter’s suggestion?” Oppose Raise differences to purposes of testing “An alternative approach might be to…” “Does anyone see anything in this that might not work?” Bystand Test your view of what’s happening “I’ve noticed that we’ve been circling the same topic for some time. Perhaps we want to…” “What are we overlooking?”

Four fields of conversation 4 Flow dialogue 3 Inquiry 2 Break through 1 Politeness

Practices for Dialogue (Isaacs) Voice Speaking from one’s deepest self Suspend Stepping back to perceive what is taken for granted Listen To partake of and take part in Speaking: Living from the source of one’s being. Listening as if what is “out there” is also in here Respect: seeking to discover how everything fits Suspend: Stopping the flow of thought (thinking, not thoughting) The opposite to DEFEND Respect Honoring and witnessing the legitimacy of another’s stance and point of view

Assumption Identification    The ladder of inference (Argyris/Senge):   Actions (based on beliefs) Adoption of beliefs (about the world) Drawing conclusions Making assumptions (based on meanings) Adding meaning to observation (personal/cultural)   Observation/data (experiences) What is considered “data” is first selected and filtered from the sum total of the observation and experience

Exercise with Four practices Think of a recent conversation that you had that was difficult, in some way Five minutes to write it down: What you said and what the other(s) said, as you recall it Work three persons together: 3 minutes tell each other briefly about the conversations Choose one to work with Decide who is coach and one is observer Tell about the conversation in a little more detail One minute silence 7 minutes questions and answers, INQUIRY 7 minutes feed-back from all: what did you learn? When did the conversation open up? The Clarity Committee from the Quakers