Keeping’ Love Real: Healthy/Unhealthy Relationships Mr. Chis-Luca

Let’s start with some STATISTICS …

No matter who you are, you can be affected by dating violence.

About one in three high school students have been or will be involved in an abusive relationship.

40% of teenage girls ages 14 to 17 say they know someone their age who has been hit or beaten by a boyfriend.

Teen dating violence most often takes place in the home of one of the partners.

A woman is beaten every 9 seconds in the United States.

95% of reported cases of dating-domestic violence to the police are committed by men against women.

The remaining 5% of reported cases are committed by women against men.

What does an unhealthy relationship look like?

In an unhealthy relationship … One partner … Uses threatening or violent behavior to get what he/she wants Uses put-downs or dirty looks to scare the other partner Plays mind games

In an unhealthy relationship … One partner … Is isolated from friends, family, and activities Uses guilt to control partner Trying to embarrass partner, especially in front of friends

In an unhealthy relationship … One partner … Makes all the decisions Uses jealousy to justify actions Always wants to be together

In an unhealthy relationship … One partner … Forces sex Keeps the fact that they have a sexually transmitted infection a secret Refuses to use safer sex methods

Types of Abuse

Physical - pushing, shoving, hitting, kicking, biting, pulling hair, throwing, stomping, cutting, grabbing, punching, choking, using a weapon, not letting you sleep

Emotional - Put downs, calling names- stupid, ugly, fat, crazy, etc., playing mind games, making you feel crazy, making you always feel wrong, humiliating you, not allowing any privacy

Sexual - rape, withholding sex as a punishment

Economic - Controlling someone’s money without their consent, taking someone’s paycheck

Isolation - Using jealousy, preventing you from going out, getting a job, going to school, seeing your family and friends, intimidating family and friends so they won’t see you anymore

Social Status - Using your background against you (sexism, homophobia, racism, anti-immigrant)

Verbal - Aggressive/demanding communication, non-affirming, name calling, silencing you

Harassment - Nagging, threatening, being forceful/won’t let up, aggressive

Peer Pressure - Being coerced into actions that you are not comfortable with

Intimidation/Threats - Scare tactics, fear of death/harm, rumors, telling family and friends, using objects

What is the cycle of violence?

Cycle of Violence

Stage 1 = Tension Building Pick fights Act jealous & possessive Criticize, threaten Drink, use drugs Be moody, unpredictable Be crazy-making Feel like he/she walking on eggshells Try to reason with the batterer Try to calm the abuser Try to appease the batterer Feel afraid or anxious ABUSER MAY… PARTNER MAY…

Stage 2 = “ Explosion” Verbal Abuse Sexual Assault Physical Abuse Increase control over money Restrain partner Destroy property, phone Emotionally Assault -Experience fear, shock -Use self-defense -Call for help -Try to flee, leave -Pray for it to stop PARTNER MAY… ABUSER MAY…

Stage 3 = “Honeymoon” Ask for forgiveness Promise it won’t happen again Stop drinking, using drugs Go to counseling Be affectionate Minimize or deny abuse Forgive Return home Arrange for counseling Feel hopeful Feel manipulated Blame self Minimize or deny abuse ABUSER MAY… PARTNER MAY…

What does a healthy relationship look like?

Communication Both partners … Can share their feelings and needs Are equally committed to the relationship Can share person with others without feeling jealous Are willing to compromise

Both partners … Do not lose sight of who they are Share a basic value system Have common goals and a sense of direction

Respect Both partners … Can share their sexual history respecting each other’s sexual boundaries Are able to say no to sex Practice safer sex methods

Ingredients for a healthy relationship … Mutual respect Trust Honesty Support Fairness/equality Separate identities Good communication

What to do if a friend needs help … Approach your friend and say, “I’m worried about you because …” Listen and believe what your friend tells you. Don’t judge or blame. Say, “this is not your fault.” Show concern. Offer support. “What can I do to help?”

The end