Constructive vs Destructive Communication Styles Creating Understanding!

“Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” 2

Hammer of Communication THE CLAW IS LIKE DESTRUCTIVE COMMUNICATION. It is sharp and dangerous and is used to destroy and tear down relationships. THE SHANK IS LIKE NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION: It is strong and can be used to support construction or destruction. THE HANDLE OF THE HAMMER IS LIKE US– IT IS THE DRIVING FORCE. We are in control of our communication and choose to use it in a constructive or destructive manner. THE HEAD IS LIKE CONSTRUCTIVE COMMUNICATION. It is smooth and rounded and is used to build and help put things together.

2 Types of Communication with 2 very different results. 4 volunteers (2 girls and 2 boys) to demonstrate these 2 types of communication?

Destructive Communication Blaming Interrupting Endless Fighting Character Assassination Calling in Reinforcements Withdrawal Need to be Right

Blaming – Frequently blame each other while trying to find out who is at “fault”, who started the fight, etc.” Examples – You are the one that’s not listening. You did this…. You should of … Interrupting – Interrupts another person, it is a sign that one idea is more important than another. Stop communication, Shows disregard for other person’s ideas.

Endless Fighting – Arguments that never end Endless Fighting – Arguments that never end. Bring up the old issues that have nothing to do with what’s happening now. Examples: Just like when you… Character Assassination – Name calling, belittling comments about sensitive subjects, and insulting remarks. (Sarcasm) Examples: Destroys self-esteem, trust, and communication.

Calling In Reinforcements – Involves outsiders in your personal relationships and quarrels. Example: to save face Withdrawal – Withdrawing from communication avoiding conversation in families communicates hurt, rejection, neglect, indifference, &/or anger. Example: “I don’t care” “fine” “I’ll do it”

Compromise is a win-win situation. Need to be right – Some people refuse to admit any need to always be right. Compromise is a win-win situation.

Constructive Communication “I” Messages Clarity Timing Asking Questions Reflective Listening Respect and Consideration Avoiding Intense Anger

“I” Messages – State the feelings and thoughts you are having at the time of communication. Lets others know how you feel without making people defensive. Examples “I feel frustrated when… I am angry because you forgot…

Clarity – Meaning what you say and then saying what you mean Clarity – Meaning what you say and then saying what you mean. Problem is interpretation. (Sarcasm) Example: I hope you had a great time at the movie last night with all your other friends! Timing – Select a good time to do your important communicating. Examples: Asking for something when parents walk in from work.

Asking Questions – People seldom say what they really mean the first time. Example: Why, What, Where, When, Do you mean…. Reflective Listening – listener mirrors back thoughts and/or feelings the speaker is experiencing. Purpose is to clarify. Example: Are you saying? You seem to be saying?

Respect and Consideration – One sure way of ending good communication is by being critical or judgmental. Respect the other person’s point of view. Avoiding Intense Anger – Sometimes we become to emotional to communicate effectively. “I” Messages State the feelings and thoughts you are having at the time of communication. “I feel … when … because …” “I would like …” Don’t blame the other person.

Role plays What techniques do you see used throughout each role play? When and How did you see these used? Write these down so you’ll remember. 15

Broken Squares Activity Each group needs an envelope. Designate one person to be the judge. Objective: Your team will be successful when there is a perfect square, each of the same size, in front of each team member. Important Guidelines: You may use only the pieces provided. No member may speak or gesture in any way throughout the activity – complete silence. Members may not ask, point, or signal another member for a piece, Members may not take a piece from another member. Members may not place their puzzle pieces in the center area for other team members to take. Members may not place a puzzle piece in another player’s square. Members may give pieces to other members. JUDGES: (read your role on the front of the packet) Discuss the experience and how it contributed positively and negatively to problem solving and conflict resolution. - I am listening to your discussion.

What gets in the way of communication? Emotions! When you are too emotionally involved, the conversation is over. Anger is the number one emotion / reaction / response to everything! It appears to show strength while other feelings show weakness and vulnerability. As you express emotions ask yourself if that is how you are really feeling or are you just covering up a different emotion.

Acceptance is the greatest human need! Not being heard or understood or given a chance shows lack of acceptance. The question “Do you love me?” and “Will you listen to me?” translates to “Do you accept me?” “Am I worth it to you?” How do we feel and show acceptance???

Decoding Communication styles The way one sends and receives messages of acceptance, affection, and appreciation. (Think about parents, friends, boy/girlfriend..) Term Symbol Description Words Touch (A) Read scenario Hand Hugging Holding hands Physically close Verbal (B) Ear and Mouth Sharing one’s feelings Listening Heart-to-heart talks Caring words Meaningful discussion Task (C) Eye Achievement Accomplishment Hard work Status things How are you better going to meet their needs for communication?

Give this test to you parents / guardians. Complete the analysis.   Give this test to you parents / guardians. Complete the analysis.

Communication Dialogue With a partner create a dialogue that resolves a conflict using communication techniques.

REQUIREMENTS:  Four “I” messages dealing with the same subject, and in response to one another. Two must be from each partner. Continuous acceptance and unconditional love displayed through non-verbal clues. Voice tone is accepting and loving. Partners must speak Adult to Adult. Display appropriate respect for partner’s personal space. One or more passive listening response. “MMMMMMM” Clarifying One or more encourager questions. Reflective listening response to at least two of the “I” messages. Two problem solving questions. GRADING SHEET: Next time, Choose two students to evaluate your presentation. Ten points for each item displayed in your role play.