Bobbe Sommer Ph.D. FABB POSITIVE CONFLICT RESOLUTION

2 l Aware of one’s own existence, sensations, and thoughts and of one’s environment l Capable of thought, will, or perception l Subjectively known or felt l Deliberately conceived or done l Having or showing self-consciousness Let’s Get Conscious! § §Conscious -

3 Key People Skills Conflict Management §The Reptilian Brain is Always on the Prowl! Defense! Defense!! Defense!! !

4 Personality Styles Emotional Intelligence (E.Q.) §List your top 3 strengths that cause people to want to work with you: § §How did you acquire these attributes?

5 Key People Skills Conflict Management §Conflict is inevitable. §Whenever 2 people come together, the seeds of conflict have been sown. §Conflict can occur when people don’t even know each other.

6 Key People Skills Conflict Management §Confront = Face-to-Face § §Combat = With Arms § §Confrontation is a Goooooood Thing! § §Combativeness is a Baaaaaad Thing!

7 §4 Guidelines for Positive Confrontation: Key People Skills Conflict Management 1) 1)Acknowledge, don’t argue 2) 2)Ask clarifying questions 3) 3)Restate what you think you heard 4) 4)Deflect the Red Herring by using a Show Stopper response…

8 What is a Red Herring? §Statement designed to intentionally throw you off the track AND simultaneously infer that YOU probably have the problem after all! I was only kidding! Grrr...

9 Show Stopper Verbal Responses to Deflect the Red Herring §Excuse me? §Where do we differ? §That very well may be. §Perhaps. §That’s unfortunate. §Great! Then I’ll count on you for that! §Would 3 o’clock or 4:30 be a better time for us to discuss this?

10 Show Stopper Action Responses to Deflect the Red Herring § §Drop The Rope! § §Let Your Ear Hear Your Mouth Self Correct!

11 Eight Steps for Positive Confrontation:

12 Step One Is confrontation your BEST option?

13 Step Two If so, where? Choose an appropriate location. If so, where? Choose an appropriate location.

14 Always open with an “I” ownership statement. Step Three

15 State specific observed behavior followed with supposition “…which leads me to believe…” Step Four

16 Request specific behavior changes. Step Five

17 Always deflect, never argue with the Red Herring. Step Six

18 Repeat step 5. Step Seven

19 Use the bridge builder term “…AND, ….” Step Eight