Lesson 58 Proper Manners Between Spouses – Towards Sons and Daughters

Proper manners between spouses: Common rights: Common rights are: -Amity and mercy, -Fidelity and trust, -Gentleness and cheerfulness, -tenderness, and respect.

The manners of the husband: The manners of the husband are to take care of his wife and protect her.

To teach her and make her adhere to Islamic teachings.

To honor her secrets and treat her relatives well.

The manners of the wife: The manners of the wife are to obey her husband in everything other than what is sinful.

To maintain his honor and wealth

Not to leave the family home without his permission

To honor his secrets and treat his relatives well

Proper manners towards sons and daughters: Name them with good names and make an `Aqiqah (a sacrificial animal slaughtered upon their births) for them.

Be gentle to them, and never differentiate between sons and daughters

Support them financially and provide them with good care and upbringing

Educate and raise them according to Islamic teachings

Proofs from the Qur ’ an and Sunnah

Proper manners between spouses: Allah says: ﴿وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إَنَّ فِي ذَلِكَ لآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ ﴾ [ الروم : 21]

This means: “And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.” (Ar-Rum: 21)

Allah says: ﴿ وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ الَّذِي عَلَيْهِنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ ولِلرِّجَالِ عَلَيْهِنَّ دَرَجَةٌ ﴾ [ البقرة : 228]

This means: “And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them.” (Al-Baqarah: 228)

The manners of the husband: Allah says: ﴿ الرِّجَالُ قَوَّامُونَ عَلَى النِّسَاءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ اللهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَى بَعْضٍ وَبِمَا أَنفَقُوا مِنْ أَمْوَالِهِمْ ﴾ [ النساء : 34]

This means: “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means.” (An-Nisa’: 34)

Allah says: ﴿ وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ فَإِن كَرِهْتُمُوهُنَّ فَعَسَى أَن تَكْرَهُوا شَيْئًا وَيَجْعَلَ اللهُ فِيهِ خَيْراً كَثِيراً ﴾ [ النساء : 19]

This means: “And live with them honorably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good.” (An-Nisa’: 19)

Allah says: ﴿ وآتُوا النِّسَاءَ صَدُقَاتِهِنَّ نِحْلَةً ﴾ [ النساء : 4]

This means: “And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart.” (An-Nisa’: 4)

The Messenger of Allah (SAWS) said in his sermon during the Farewell Pilgrimage: “Treat women kindly, they are like captives in your hands, you do not owe anything else except this (i.e. men should do good to their women as long as women do nothing wrong or shameful).” (Reported by at-Tirmidhiyy)

`A'ishah (RA) said about the Prophet Muhammad (SAWS): “He used to keep himself busy serving his family. When it was the time for prayer, he would go for the prayer.” (Reported by al-Bukhariyy)

Also: He (SAWS) used to mend his shoes and patch his garment. (Reported byAhmad)

Allah's Messenger (SAWS) said: “If anyone intends to have sexual intercourse with his wife, he should say: In the name of Allah. O Allah! Save us from Satan and keep the devil away from what You have bestowed upon us. Then, if Allah has ordained a child for them, the devil will never harm him.” (Reported by al-Bukhariyy and Muslim)

The Messenger of Allah (SAWS) said: “The most perfect believers in faith are those who have the best manners, and the best of you are those who are the best to their wives.” (Reported by at-Tirmidhiyy)

A man asked Allah's Messenger (SAWS): “O Messenger of Allah, what right has any wife over her husband? He replied: To provide her with food when you eat, clothe her when you clothe (yourself), not to hit her on the face, and do not revile her or separate from her except in the house.” (Reported by Abu-Dawud)

The Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) said in his sermon of Farewell Pilgrimage: “And their (women) right is that you should treat them well in the matter of food and clothing.” (Reported by at-Tirmidhiyy)

The Prophet (SAWS) said: “… And the man is a guardian of his family.” (Reported by al-Bukhariyy and Muslim) (See: Honesty)

The Prophet (SAWS) said, “The best among you is the best to his household (wife) and I am the best among you to my household (wife).” (Reported by At-Tirmidhi)

The Messenger of Allah (SAWS) said: “The most evil of the people to Allah on the Day of Resurrection will be the man who has sexual intercourse with his wife and then publicizes her secret.” (Reported by Muslim)

The Messenger of Allah (SAWS) said: “Wait till you enter (your homes) at night (in the first part of the night) so that the ladies with unkempt hair may comb their hair, and those whose husbands have been absent (for a long time) may shave their pubic hair.” (Reported by al-Bukhariyy)

The manners of the wife: The Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) said: “Let me inform you about the best a man hoards; it is a virtuous woman who pleases him when he looks at her, obeys him when he gives her a command, and guards his interests (including his honor) when he is away from her.” (Reported by Abu-Dawud)

The Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) said: “If the wife of anyone of you asks permission to go to the mosque, he should not forbid her.” (Reported by al-Bukhariyy and Muslim)

The Messenger of Allah (SAWS) said: “When a man calls his wife to bed, but she refuses and he (the husband) spends the night angry with her, the angels curse her until the morning.” (Reported by al-Bukhariyy and Muslim)

The Messenger of Allah (SAWS) said: “And the lady is a guardian and is responsible for her husband's house.” (Reported by al-Bukhariyy and Muslim) (See: Honesty)

The Messenger of Allah (SAWS) said: “If I were to order anyone to prostrate before another, I would order a woman to prostrate before her husband.” (Reported by at-Tirmidhiyy)

Proper manners towards sons and daughters: Allah says: ﴿ يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا قُوا أَنفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ نَارًا وَقُودُهَا النَّاسُ وَالْحِجَارَةُ﴾ [ التحريم : 6]

This means: “O you who believe! Ward off from yourselves and your families a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones.” (At-Tahrim: 6)

Naming them with good names: Sa`id Ibn Al-Musayyab (RA) narrated: “When my grandfather, Hazn, visited the Prophet (SAWS), the Prophet (SAWS) said (to him): What is your name? He said: My name is Hazn (Arabic: harsh). The Prophet (SAWS) said, “But you are Sahl (Arabic: easy).” (Reported by al-Bukhariyy)

Ibn-`Umar narrated that `Umar had a daughter who was called `Asiyah (Arabic: rebel). Allah's Messenger (SAWS) gave her the name of Jamilah (Arabic: nice). (Reported by Abu Dawud)

Making a sacrifice (`Aqiqah) on their births: The Prophet (SAWS) said: “A boy is in pledge for his `Aqiqah. Sacrifice is made for him on the seventh day, his head is shaved and he is given a name.” (Reported by at-Tirmidhiyy)

Treating children equally and with justice: The Prophet (SAWS) said: “Be mindful of your obligation to Allah and do justice with respect to your children.” (Reported by al-Bukhariyy and Muslim)

The Prophet (SAWS) said: “He who is involved (in the responsibility) of (bringing up) daughters, and he accords benevolent treatment towards them, there would be protection for him against Hell-Fire.” (Reported by al-Bukhariyy and Muslim) Not to differentiate between sons and daughters

The Prophet (SAWS) said: “Act equally between your children; act equally between your sons.” (Reported by Abu-Dawud)

The Prophet (SAWS) said, "Observe equity among your children in giving gifts; If I were to give preference to someone, I would give it to women." (Reported by Al-Bayhaqiyy and At-Tabaraniyy)

Teaching children: Allah's Messenger (SAWS) said: “Command your children to pray when they are seven years old, and beat them for (not observing) it when they are ten years old, and separate between them in beds.” (Reported by at-Tirmidhiyy)

The Prophet (SAWS) said: “Every child is born with a true faith of Islam (i.e. to worship none but Allah Alone) and his parents convert him to Judaism or Christianity or Magianism.” (Reported by al-Bukhariyy and Muslim)

He (SAWS) also said: “The best thing a father would give his son is good manners.” (Reported by at-Tirmidhiyy and Ahmad)