The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens Sharpen the Saw Synergize Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood Think Win-Win Put First Things First Begin with the End in Mind Be Proactive
Habit 5: Seek first to understand Then to be understood You have Two ears and One mouth Before I can walk in another’s shoes, I must first remove my own. Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf
A shoe salesman’s story: I know what you’d like! Salesman: What kind of shoes are you looking for? Jack: Well, I’m looking for something that … Salesman: I know what you’d like. Everyone is wearing these. Trust me!
A shoe salesman’s story: I know what you’d like! Salesman: Just take a look at these. Jack: But I really don’t like them Salesman: Everyone likes them. They are the hottest thing going right now.
A shoe salesman’s story: I know what you’d like! Jack: I am looking for something different. Salesman: I promise you. You’ll love them. Jack: But I …
A shoe salesman’s story: I know what you’d like! Salesman: Listen. I’ve been selling shoes for ten years and I know a good shoe when I see it.
Discussion question Will you purchase that pair of shoes? Why?
Reflection People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care! But I hurt my arm, not my leg This should help you feel better
Are you really listening?
Five Poor Listening Styles Spacing out Pretend listening Selective listening Word listening Self-centred listening
Spacing Out Spacing out is when someone is talking to us but we ignore them because our mind is wandering off in another galaxy
Pretend listening We still aren’t paying much attention to the other person, but at least we pretend by saying “yeah”, “cool”, “sounds great”.
Selective listening Selective listening is where we pay attention only to the part of the conversation that interests us. I feel very bad. I failed in Eng test. Oh, Eng is my best subject.
Word listening Word listening occurs when we actually pay attention to what someone is saying by words, but not the body language, the feelings, or the true meaning behind the words.
Self-centred listening Self-centred listening happens when we see everything from our own point of view. Instead of standing in another’s shoes, we want them to stand in ours.
Three ways to reply based on Self-centred listening Judging Advising Probing
Judging If you are busy judging, you are not really listening.
Conversation: Two S3 boys Peter: Yeah, I got good grade in Chemistry test. Paul: Oh, that’s nice (The test is too easy this time) Peter: I have studied for the test till mid-night. Paul: Not bad (You may probably start your study half-an-hour before mid-night)
Conversation: Two S3 boys Peter: I am going to choice Chemistry next year. Paul: I thought you were going to take Biology (Are you crazy? You are not smart enough to do Chemistry.) Peter: I was. But now I think I will take Chemistry Paul: Okay! Just go for it. (I am sure you will change your mind tomorrow.)
Advising This is when we give advice drawn from our own experience. This is the when-I-was-your-age speech you often get from your elders.
Probing Probing occurs when you try to dig up emotions before people are ready to share them.
Reflection Try to observe what people’s body language is saying and share with your teacher.