GRIEF & LOSS STAGES ELISABETH KUBLER-ROSS
IN GENERAL… Anytime we suffer a significant loss, we experience grief. The intensity of the grief depends on the loss. The loss could be the end of a meaningful relationship, the breakup of one’s family, the death of a pet, the death of a family member…
STAGE 1: DENIAL & ISOLATION Denial and/or shock are often a person’s initial reaction followed by numbness. There may also be a feeling of isolation or helplessness. These feelings are an attempt to avoid reality by saying or thinking, “It is all a bad dream and will go away.” Buys us time to be able to cope with the loss.
STAGE 2: ANGER Anger is a natural reaction, an outlet for resentment at being a victim. There may be envy of other who have not experienced such a loss. The person often takes out the anger on those close by – friends and family. “Why me?...”
STAGE 3: BARGAINING The person seeks to postpone the loss by making promises, often to God, to be a better person. “I’ll do this if you will only do…”
STAGE 4: DEPRESSION The numbness, anger, and rage felt previously are now replaced with a sense of great loss. Feelings of great loneliness, isolation, helplessness, and sadness are characteristics of this stage.
STAGE 5: ACCEPTANCE Facing reality in a constructive way. It allows for action. Learning from our mistakes and remembering the good times.
OTHER NAMES FOR STAGES SHOCK – Denial & Isolation SUFFERING – Anger, Bargaining, and Depression RECOVERY - Acceptance
FINAL NOTES Everyone goes through the stages at a different rate. We often bounce back and forth between the stages – no specific order. It is possible to get stuck in a specific stage. At the anniversary of a loss, the some of the stages may be revisited. Everyone copes with loss in a different way.
COPING How can you cope with a loss in a healthy manner? How can you help a friend cope with a loss?