January 2012. A thesis statement should not be too wordy Wordy Some problems with Cloverdale Elementary School is that it needs a larger playground, an.

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Presentation transcript:

January 2012

A thesis statement should not be too wordy Wordy Some problems with Cloverdale Elementary School is that it needs a larger playground, an air conditioned gym, an auditorium, restrooms connected to each classroom, running water in the classrooms, and a number of other physical changes to the building. Better Cloverdale Elementary needs several changes to its facility to make it a better school.

A thesis statement should not be too broad. Too general Cloverdale Elementary is a good school. Better Daily writing practice has led to improved writing skills for the students at Cloverdale Elementary.

A thesis statement should not be a fact. A fact The average temperature for Mountain City in winter is 34 and in summer is 75 degrees. Better The climate in Mountain City is ideal for outdoor sports.

Which sentence would not be a good thesis statement because it is a fact? A. The recycling of one aluminum can saves enough energy to run a TV for three hours. B. Recycling is one of the most important jobs a person can do to protect our environment

Try this... Directions: For each of the following statements, identify whether the statement is strong or too broad. 1. The death penalty is wrong. 2. School uniforms provide many benefits to students, parents and educators. 3. Technology has changed our lives. 4. Violent crime is up. 5. Participating in volunteer work is essential to the development of strong character.

Answers The death penalty is wrong. Broad 2. School uniforms provide many benefits to students, parents and educators. Strong 3. Technology has changed our lives. Broad 4. Violent crime is up. Broad 5. Participating in volunteer work is essential to the development of strong character. Strong