From the work of Paul Axtell Conversation A spoken exchange of thoughts, opinions and feelings; talk.

Program Content §Listen in a new way §Have meaningful conversations §Follow through on commitments §Treat what you do as if it matters §Design effective meetings “Talking about tough issues in meaningful ways”

“The essence of good listening is empathy, which can be achieved only by suspending our preoccupation with ourselves and entering into the experience of the other person.” Michael Nichols “Speaker and listener are constantly jockeying for position, one’s needs competing with the other’s. If you doubt it, try telling someone about a problem you are having and see how long it takes before he interrupts to tell you about a problem of his own or to offer advice…” Nichols

Listening Tell me about yourself Tell me about your family Tell me about when you recently experienced making a difference Tell me about the neighborhood where you grew up Tell me about a current project you are excited about

Conversation  Relationship Can we treat it like it matters? What value would that have?

Conversation Matters §Maybe it’s all we’ve got §Our culture tells us it doesn’t matter (actions speak louder than words?) §Context… & Coke spills §Taking people for granted §Our desire for comfort limits our conversations Our future is defined by our conversations today

Complete Communication 1. You say it 2. I get it 3. You get it that I got it If you leave out #3, they will crank up the drama

To every conversation….  Set up  Process/content  Closure

Working with Problems Normal Context = Problems are Bad! §Denial §Shift of blame §Oh _____! §What is wrong with me? You? It? §If I try harder, it will turn out

Same Problem/Different Context OK good, we’ve got a problem! Now, what is true? §Its OK for problems to be brought forward §Barrier becomes challenge §Strategic thinking possible What’s So? So What? Now What?

Complaint Management §Context - person complaining is awesome! §Just hear it §Behind every complaint… §View options §Peel the onion

More on Complaints §Keep asking…What else? §Check for completion 80% are solved by listening §What do you see you can do about that? §Look at options with complainer §Drive conversation to commitment §Push them to action

What is the value of this? So, they have shared the concerns/complaints §They have been heard, appreciated §Guided toward appropriate action §They feel respected, valued ResultsWell-being

Meetings Context §This meeting matters §My participation matters §This is my meeting even if I am not leading it

Meetings Ground rules: §Meta conversations §Clear intent §Advantage of public decisions  Ask people to take on a future they are not sure they can produce Decision making: §70% want it §30% can live with it §If person can’t live with it, they have responsibility for finding alternative direction §X by Y §OK to not get all the way there today

Key Design Features §What do we want to produce - if you don’t know, ask §Where are they, coming into the meeting? §How do we want the meeting to go? §What issues or concerns do they have about this topic? §Consensus –70/30 §Watch out for - calling one when there are options; drifting

Leaders guide §Manage the conversation §Clarity about the topic and outcome §One conversation at a time §All conversations taken to completion §Clear transitions §Everyone listening and paying attention §Everyone taken care of throughout the conversation

Conversational moves §Thank you. I appreciate being told. Can we set up a time to discuss this? §Where are you with this? §It seems you have an issue with ___. Have you spoken with her? §This is what I got from speaking with you. §What else? §By when will you do that?

Taking Care of People §Use their name §Thank them §Give them credit §Build on what they say §Don’t resist them §Speak to them on breaks, before and after §Ask for their views §Avoid distracting behavior §Check back with them §Invite them into the conversation §Credit them with changing your thinking §Welcome and introduce new members

Acknowledgement People want to make a difference and they want to be told they do. §What do I tell others about someone but never tell them? §What do I really appreciate about the people I work with §What recent results, accomplishments should we be proud of?

Acknowledgement §I like what you have §I like what you do §I like who you are...

A final word on context You can make more friends in two months by becoming really interested in other people, than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. Dale Carnegie