ACADEMIC WRITING I Class 23 May 21, 2013

Today Academic style continued “Waste Management” – taking out the trash Source: commons.wikimedia.orgcommons.wikimedia.org

Taking out the trash In the class that we are going to hold on this day, it is my plan that we, as a class, will look at an issue which is common in writing fairly often; I want to talk about and discuss the issue of ‘wordiness’.  Today, we will examine a common issue, wordiness.

Wordiness Conciseness is important in both academic and business writing. - Concise writing expresses ideas without unnecessary wordiness. Wordiness: - Increases the length of your work without adding meaning. - Makes writing more difficult to understand.

Wordiness Example 1: The reason why Dave came to Success College was because it is inexpensive in price. 2 issues: 1. The words reason, why, and because all express the same idea. 2. Saying something is inexpensive includes the idea of price.

Wordiness Example 1: The reason why Dave came to Success College was because it is inexpensive in price. Concisely: Dave came to Success College because it is inexpensive.

Wordiness Example 2: Despite the fact that she was feeling ill, Ann came to the conclusion that she would go to work. 2 issues: 1. ‘Despite the fact that’ is just a long way of saying ‘despite’. 2. ‘Came to the conclusion that’ is a long way of saying decided.

Wordiness Example 2: Despite the fact that she was feeling ill, Ann came to the conclusion that she would go to work. Concisely: Despite feeling ill, Ann decided to go to work.

Wordiness In my opinion, I think the study of Sociology is very fascinating. - This sentence can be cut down to three words: Sociologyisfascinating.

Wordiness In my opinion, I think the study of Sociology is very fascinating.  Sociology is fascinating. - In my opinion and I think just repeat the same idea. - Fascinating is clearly a judgment, so there is no need to include either ‘I think’ or ‘In my opinion’. - Sociology includes the idea of studying it, so the study of is redundant. - Fascinating can be defined as very interesting, so adding very is unnecessary.

Some simple examples All of the following examples are wordy. - Why is each wordy? - How can each be written concisely?

1. The stegosaurus was huge in size. - The stegosaurus was huge. 2. Now she is at school. - She is at school. 3. He was happy and joyful about the great gift. - He was happy about the gift. 4. Because of the fact that he got a good grade on the midterm, Tim decided to take the night off. - Because he got a good grade on the midterm, Tim took the night off. 5. In the summer season, many Vancouverites like to picnic in Stanley Park. - In the summer, many Vancouverites like to picnic in Stanley Park. 6. On January 14, in the middle of winter, the weather was freezing cold. - On January 14, the weather was freezing.

7. I think smoking in public places should be banned. - Smoking in public should be banned. 8. In order to get the true facts of the case, the lawyer interviewed 4 witnesses. - To get the facts, the lawyer interviewed 4 witnesses. 9. Furthermore, Henry VIII also married six different women. - Henry VIII also married six women. 10. Redundancy is defined as unnecessary repetition. - Redundancy is unnecessary repetition. 11. New Westminster, which was British Columbia’s first capital city, is located on the shores of the Fraser River. - New Westminster, British Columbia’s first capital city, is located along the Fraser River. 12. The computer is sitting on top of the table. - The computer is on the table.

Common Causes of Wordiness W = wordy C = concise Use of vague words which need explanation instead of precise words. W: She talked to him in a loud angry voice. C: She yelled at him. W: The crime wave had some bad results that cost people a lot of money. C: The crime wave had some costly results.

Common Causes of Wordiness Use of long expressions instead of individual words W: to come to the conclusion that C: to decide W: to put forward the idea that C: to suggest i.e., The president put forward the idea that the meeting be extended. The president suggested that the meeting be extended.

Common Causes of Wordiness Repetitive wording: end result past experience share in common small in size = end = past = share = small

Common Causes of Wordiness Repetitive wording: made a discovery made an attempt made an accusation made an appearance made a decision = discovered = attempted = accused = appeared = decided

Common Causes of Wordiness Repetitive wording, or words that provide excessive detail W: Imagine a mental picture of someone engaged in the intellectual activity of learning the rules of playing chess. C: Imagine someone attempting to learn the rules of chess.

Common Causes of Wordiness Over-use of “it” and “there” as meaningless subjects W: It was exciting to go to the New Year celebrations. C: The New Year celebrations were exciting. W: There were thirty-four people in the room who were waiting for the mayor. C: Thirty-four people in the room were waiting for the mayor.

Common Causes of Wordiness Over-use of relative clauses (starting with that, who, which) W: The news, which was released yesterday, was devastating. C: The news released yesterday was devastating. W: The girl who was talented gave a concert. C: The talented girl gave a concert.

Common Causes of Wordiness Over-use of passive verbs W: The criminal was caught by the police, and later the criminal was convicted by the courts. C: The police caught the criminal and the court convicted him. passive active

Side note: passive vs. active voice In academic writing, active sentences are preferred over passive sentences.

Side note: passive vs. active voice In academic writing, active sentences are preferred over passive sentences. Active voice: - The subject performs the action expressed by the verb. i.e., Andrew threw the hammer.

Side note: passive vs. active voice In academic writing, active sentences are preferred over passive sentences. Passive voice: - The subject receives the action expressed by the verb. i.e., The hammer was thrown by Andrew.

Side note: passive vs. active voice In academic writing, active sentences are preferred over passive sentences. - The active voice is: - More concise - More direct - Easier to understand

Side note: passive vs. active voice Examples: It is believed by some critics that Psycho is Hitchcock’s greatest film. Active: Some critics believe that Psycho is Hitchcock’s greatest film.

Side note: passive vs. active voice Examples: The Old Man and the Sea was written by Ernest Hemmingway. Active: Ernest Hemmingway wrote The Old Man and the Sea.

Side note: passive vs. active voice Exception: If the agent – the one performing the action- is unknown, you can use the passive voice. i.e., The walls had been defaced by grafitti. The car was pushed over the cliff.

Practice Source:

Journal Assignment Due on Thursday (by 4:00). Re-write a wordy paragraph.