How can we ROCK at descriptive writing??

Here are a few helpful hints! Use lively adjectives! Put away worn out words such as good, great, cool, awesome, neat, nice, small, very…instead use “deeper colored words” Stay on topic! Don’t tell me about stuff that doesn’t relate to what you are describing. Vary your sentence structure. Using all simple sentences is BORING! Throw in some compound, complex, and if you’re really feeling frisky, a few compound-complex! BE MEANINGFUL-make your reader feel something (laughter, sadness, empathy, etc.)

Let’s practice! My most valuable possession is an old, slightly warped, blond guitar--the first instrument that I ever taught myself how to play.

You decide! This sentence not only identifies the prized belonging ("an old, slightly warped, blond guitar") but also suggests why the writer values it ("the first instrument that I ever taught myself how to play"). Some of the sentences on your handout support this topic sentence with specific descriptive details. Others, however, offer information that would be inappropriate in a unified descriptive paragraph (remember that part about staying on topic??). Read the sentences carefully, and then pick out 6 statements that support the topic sentence with precise descriptive details. When you're done, we will discuss it.

Superb Supporting Statements! It is a Madeira folk guitar, all scuffed and scratched and finger-printed. 4. At the top is a bramble of copper-wound strings, each one hooked through the eye of a silver tuning key. 6. The strings are stretched down a long slim neck. 7. The frets on the neck are tarnished, and the wood has been worn down by years of fingers pressing chords.

Continued… 11. The body of the Madeira is shaped like an enormous yellow pear, one that has been slightly damaged in shipping. 14. The blond wood has been chipped and gouged to gray, particularly where the pick guard fell off years ago.

Now, that’s a descriptive paragraph!! My most valuable possession is an old, slightly warped, blond guitar--the first instrument that I ever taught myself how to play. It is a Madeira folk guitar, all scuffed and scratched and finger-printed. At the top is a bramble of copper-wound strings, each one hooked through the eye of a silver turning key. The strings are stretched down a long slim neck. The frets on the neck are tarnished, and the wood has been worn down by years of fingers pressing chords. The body of the Madeira is shaped like an enormous yellow pear, one that has been slightly damaged in shipping. The blond wood has been chipped and gouged to gray, particularly where the pick guard fell off years ago. No, it's not a beautiful instrument, but it still lets me make music, and for that I will always treasure it.

Let’s take a closer look… My most valuable possession is an old, slightly warped, blond guitar--the first instrument that I ever taught myself how to play. It is a Madeira folk guitar, all scuffed and scratched and finger-printed. At the top is a bramble of copper-wound strings, each one hooked through the eye of a silver turning key. The strings are stretched down a long slim neck. The frets on the neck are tarnished, and the wood has been worn down by years of fingers pressing chords. The body of the Madeira is shaped like an enormous yellow pear, one that has been slightly damaged in shipping. The blond wood has been chipped and gouged to gray, particularly where the pick guard fell off years ago. No, it's not a beautiful instrument, but it still lets me make music, and for that I will always treasure it. *Be descriptive about how something looks (scuffed, scratched, finger-printed, etc.)

Let’s take a closer look… My most valuable possession is an old, slightly warped, blond guitar--the first instrument that I ever taught myself how to play. It is a Madeira folk guitar, all scuffed and scratched and finger-printed. At the top is a bramble of copper-wound strings, each one hooked through the eye of a silver turning key. The strings are stretched down a long slim neck. The frets on the neck are tarnished, and the wood has been worn down by years of fingers pressing chords. The body of the Madeira is shaped like an enormous yellow pear, one that has been slightly damaged in shipping. The blond wood has been chipped and gouged to gray, particularly where the pick guard fell off years ago. No, it's not a beautiful instrument, but it still lets me make music, and for that I will always treasure it. **Begins to “paint a picture” in my mind

Let’s take a closer look… My most valuable possession is an old, slightly warped, blond guitar--the first instrument that I ever taught myself how to play. It is a Madeira folk guitar, all scuffed and scratched and finger-printed. At the top is a bramble of copper-wound strings, each one hooked through the eye of a silver turning key. The strings are stretched down a long slim neck. The frets on the neck are tarnished, and the wood has been worn down by years of fingers pressing chords. The body of the Madeira is shaped like an enormous yellow pear, one that has been slightly damaged in shipping. The blond wood has been chipped and gouged to gray, particularly where the pick guard fell off years ago. No, it's not a beautiful instrument, but it still lets me make music, and for that I will always treasure it. **These are words that “paint a picture”…

Let’s take a closer look… My most valuable possession is an old, slightly warped, blond guitar--the first instrument that I ever taught myself how to play. It is a Madeira folk guitar, all scuffed and scratched and finger-printed. At the top is a bramble of copper-wound strings, each one hooked through the eye of a silver turning key. The strings are stretched down a long slim neck. The frets on the neck are tarnished, and the wood has been worn down by years of fingers pressing chords. The body of the Madeira is shaped like an enormous yellow pear, one that has been slightly damaged in shipping. The blond wood has been chipped and gouged to gray, particularly where the pick guard fell off years ago. No, it's not a beautiful instrument, but it still lets me make music, and for that I will always treasure it. **Wow, this must be an old guitar. They have played it so much the wood is worn down…definitely painting a picture.

Let’s take a closer look… My most valuable possession is an old, slightly warped, blond guitar--the first instrument that I ever taught myself how to play. It is a Madeira folk guitar, all scuffed and scratched and finger-printed. At the top is a bramble of copper-wound strings, each one hooked through the eye of a silver turning key. The strings are stretched down a long slim neck. The frets on the neck are tarnished, and the wood has been worn down by years of fingers pressing chords. The body of the Madeira is shaped like an enormous yellow pear, one that has been slightly damaged in shipping. The blond wood has been chipped and gouged to gray, particularly where the pick guard fell off years ago. No, it's not a beautiful instrument, but it still lets me make music, and for that I will always treasure it. **A simile! That creates quite a picture in my head. I can see why this thing is so valuable.

Let’s take a closer look… My most valuable possession is an old, slightly warped, blond guitar--the first instrument that I ever taught myself how to play. It is a Madeira folk guitar, all scuffed and scratched and finger-printed. At the top is a bramble of copper-wound strings, each one hooked through the eye of a silver turning key. The strings are stretched down a long slim neck. The frets on the neck are tarnished, and the wood has been worn down by years of fingers pressing chords. The body of the Madeira is shaped like an enormous yellow pear, one that has been slightly damaged in shipping. The blond wood has been chipped and gouged to gray, particularly where the pick guard fell off years ago. No, it's not a beautiful instrument, but it still lets me make music, and for that I will always treasure it. **This final line really enforces why this is this person’s most valuable possession. This concluding thought really “sums up” the whole paragraph-both its appearance and its value to the person.

Why was this paragraph so fun to read? Descriptive details Painted a picture Figurative language (simile) No “worn out” words Was both descriptive and meaningful Varied sentence structure Stayed on topic (didn’t go off on a tangent)

How could we make this better? I grew up in a poor family in a poor town. We did not have much money or many of the good things in life, but we did have one another. One year the flood wiped out our home. It fact, it wiped out all of River Street. I'll never forget the morning I saw River Street for the last time. The river was on one side of the street, and the houses were on the other. We lived in one of these houses before the flood hit. There was mud on the walls of the houses. Many windows were broken. The roofs were in terrible shape. There were many gigantic trees. Children were still playing here. I remember hearing music. There was a bar at the end of the street and after that a lot of weeds. The whole scene was pretty desolate.

Fewer simple sentences I grew up in a poor family in a poor town. We did not have much money or many of the good things in life, but we did have one another. One year the flood wiped out our home. It fact, it wiped out all of River Street. I'll never forget the morning I saw River Street for the last time. The river was on one side of the street, and the houses were on the other. We lived in one of these houses before the flood hit. There was mud on the walls of the houses. Many windows were broken. The roofs were in terrible shape. There were many gigantic trees. Children were still playing here. I remember hearing music. There was a bar at the end of the street and after that a lot of weeds. The whole scene was pretty desolate. **8 in a row is too many!!

Whoops! This person forgot to indent. *****I grew up in a poor family in a poor town. We did not have much money or many of the good things in life, but we did have one another. One year the flood wiped out our home. It fact, it wiped out all of River Street. I'll never forget the morning I saw River Street for the last time. The river was on one side of the street, and the houses were on the other. We lived in one of these houses before the flood hit. There was mud on the walls of the houses. Many windows were broken. The roofs were in terrible shape. There were many gigantic trees. Children were still playing here. I remember hearing music. There was a bar at the end of the street and after that a lot of weeds. The whole scene was pretty desolate.

Does the topic sentence have anything to do with the rest of the paragraph? I grew up in a poor family in a poor town. We did not have much money or many of the good things in life, but we did have one another. The rest of the paragraph talked about when the street flooded, not his family being poor…